Template:Did you know nominations/Florrie Redford

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by valereee (talk) 16:49, 3 July 2019 (UTC)

Florrie Redford

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~~... that Florrie Redford became one of the first international women's association football players after playing during her lunch break at the factory where she worked during World War I?~~ Source: During this time she and the other young women who made up the majority of the factory staff, men being largely drafted into the Army, used to play football during their meal-breaks.

Reviewed: I believe I am exempt from the QPQ as this is my first nomination. If not, I will gladly review one.

Created by Hugsyrup (talk) and Katie Crampton (WMUK) (talk). Nominated by Hugsyrup (talk) at 13:48, 4 June 2019 (UTC).

This article is new enough and long enough. The hook facts are cited inline, the article is neutral and I detected no copyright or plagiarism issues. No QPQ needed. Please add a further citation to the last paragraph of the article. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:32, 10 June 2019 (UTC)

@Cwmhiraeth: I'd love to see this added to the special hookset for 7 July (aka the Women's World Cup final). Sounder Bruce 06:50, 30 June 2019 (UTC)

I was thinking the same thing. I will move it to the special holding area and then someone else will promote it. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 08:06, 30 June 2019 (UTC)

Hi, I came by to promote this, but the article is barely over 1500 characters and reads more like a sketch. There is so much more information in the sources that could be added. I added a "citation needed" tag to the lead for a fact that isn't mentioned anywhere else in the article. Yoninah (talk) 14:20, 1 July 2019 (UTC)

Hi, thanks for the comments. Can you confirm exactly what requires fixing in order to promote? I understood that the article met the length requirements already, or is that not the case? Regarding extending it with info from the sources; I spent a fair bit of time on trying to improve this article originally and what I tended to find was that there was a lot of information about the team in general, but not a great deal that was specific to Florrie Redford, and especially not in the more reliable of the sources used! No doubt there are some more bits of info I could dig out though. I'm looking around now for a source for the claim you've flagged, but it is there from before my rewrite and I have no idea where it came from so it may be that I'm better off removing it or replacing it with something I can more easily source. Hugsyrup (talk) 14:34, 1 July 2019 (UTC)

Hi Hugsyrup, the article is presently at 1528 characters, just over the 1500 character minimum. Even adding one or two sentences would help. More biographical information would be appreciated. That last line about her being friends with someone is UNDUE. I understand you want to focus on her, but adding a little background about the team makes it a more well-rounded article. Best, Yoninah (talk) 14:44, 1 July 2019 (UTC)

Hi Yoninah, thank you very much for the feedback. I've added a fair bit and I think nearly doubled the character count. I've tried to make her career section more informative, although I'm afraid it's still hard to find info about her early or later life as most material focuses on the team. I need to stop now but I will take another look tomorrow. I hope this is a bit of an improvement in the meantime, and do feel free to give further feedback if you have any. Hugsyrup (talk) 15:52, 1 July 2019 (UTC)

@Hugsyrup: it's a great improvement, thanks! No close paraphrasing found in added material. I'd just like to make a comment about the hook. You have the word "player" and variants of "work" mentioned several times in the hook. Additionally, the article says she played for one of England's earliest women's association football teams, not that she was one of the world's first women's association football players. Can we try another hook? Here is a suggestion:
ALT1: ... that Florrie Redford, a leading goal scorer for Dick, Kerr Ladies F.C. in 1921, started playing football with other women during her lunch break at a World War I munitions factory? Yoninah (talk) 16:29, 1 July 2019 (UTC)

Yoninah Many thanks. Yes, totally happy with this alternate. Hugsyrup (talk) 08:21, 2 July 2019 (UTC)

Thank you. Pinging @Cwmhiraeth: to review ALT1. Yoninah (talk) 08:27, 2 July 2019 (UTC)

Approving ALT1, but note that I have tweaked the hook because neither source states that she was "the" leading goal scorer. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 08:50, 2 July 2019 (UTC)

@Cwmhiraeth: thank you! Yoninah (talk) 10:27, 2 July 2019 (UTC)