Template:Did you know nominations/Albanese Candy

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by The Squirrel Conspiracy (talk) 19:28, 14 July 2020 (UTC)

Albanese Candy

(

)

~~... that Albanese Candy makes "the world's best gummy bears" which were even flown into space?~~ Source: here "the world's best gummy bears and flown into space here and there
ALT1:~~... that Albanese Candy makes gummy Confectioneries in the shape of worms, snakes, butterflies, and khaki-colored soldiers; they ship their sweets to 41 countries?~~
ALT2:~~... that Albanese Candy makes gummy Confectioneries in the shape of worms, snakes, butterflies, and khaki-colored soldiers, and assorted aircraft; they ship their sweets to 41 countries?~~

Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/Biko (song)
Comment: There was ~~is a pending~~ was Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Albanese Candy (2nd nomination), so but that ~~will have to be~~ is now resolved before promotion.

5x expanded by Linguaddict (talk), Toughpigs (talk), Lightburst (talk), and 7&6=thirteen (talk). Nominated by 7&6=thirteen (☎) 00:08, 8 June 2020 (UTC)

5x expansion verified. New enough, long enough, neutrally written, well referenced, no close paraphrasing seen. But the article and the hook are quite promotional. The line It is said to be the home of "the world's best gummy bears." needs to be attributed and The gummy bears have "flown into space". needs to be attributed and explained better. If you have a subscription to WP:Newspapers.com, why aren't you clipping the articles and providing open access? QPQ done. Yoninah (talk) 11:04, 10 July 2020 (UTC)

I do not have a subscription. 7&6=thirteen (☎) 11:54, 10 July 2020 (UTC)

Really? Well, whoever found these sources had to read them in order to extract information for the article. I went ahead and formatted all the Newspapers.com sources correctly. Now you too can look at them to verify and find more information. Yoninah (talk) 14:04, 10 July 2020 (UTC)

Question what can I do to help the nomination? Perhaps a good enough hook is the verified claim that "Albanese Candy makes gummy bears which have been flown into space" Lightburst (talk) 19:36, 13 July 2020 (UTC)

@Lightburst: you can help by writing the sentence about the gummy bears in an encyclopedic tone. As it is now, it sounds like they put them on the back of a rocket or something. Your language is fine for a hook, but the reader who clicks on the article will want to know more about what you're talking about. Thanks, Yoninah (talk) 20:05, 13 July 2020 (UTC)

I see, I am not sure I can back this space claim up with further RS/info. So should we come up with a proper hook which represents the article? Lightburst (talk) 20:17, 13 July 2020 (UTC)

You can definitely suggest another hook. But please rewrite that sentence in the article in an encyclopedic tone. Yoninah (talk) 20:19, 13 July 2020 (UTC)

Trying my hand at a hook.

Albanese Candy makes gummy Confectioneries in the shape of worms, snakes, butterflies, and khaki-colored soldiers: they ship their sweets to 41 countries. Lightburst (talk) 20:50, 13 July 2020 (UTC)

Comment for promotion: I like ALT2. Lightburst (talk) 21:40, 13 July 2020 (UTC)

Thank you, that works, although I suggest cutting off the last fact to improve the punchiness of the hook. The source also names them as jet fighter aircraft, which is more specific. So here is the final version:
ALT2a: ... that Albanese Candy makes gummy confectioneries in the shape of worms, snakes, butterflies, khaki-colored soldiers, and jet fighter aircraft?
I have commented out the line about gummy bears being "flown into space" until a better explanation can be given. ALT2a hook refs verified and cited inline. ALT2a good to go. Yoninah (talk) 08:37, 14 July 2020 (UTC)