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Talk:Yemi Odubade/GA1

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Reviewer: Harrias talk 09:39, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

On a first read through, the article does not trigger any of the quick fail criteria (which I always find is a good start!). I'll proceed with the review over today for you. Harrias talk 09:39, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking the time out to review the article, it's much appreciated. SBFCEdit (talk) 21:18, 21 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
General
  • Citation 88 ("Odubade, Willmott and Quinn among casualties in United clearout") is a dead link, can you either fix it, or provide an alternative reference. Harrias talk 09:53, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • As is citation 111 "Eastbourne Borough archive history". Harrias talk 09:55, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The article summarises Odubade's career, and lists (as far as I can tell) pretty much every goal he has scored. But not much about him as a person or a player is mentioned. Is he a pacy attacker that beats the offside trap, a (short) power forward, who pushes the defence around? Does he score predominantly from inside the box, outside the box, from open play or set pieces? Is he even right- or left-footed? I appreciate this information might not be readily available, but at the moment the article reads more like a list of his goals and transfers, a little more substance about the player would be a large improvement. Harrias talk 14:14, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Lead

Will make further comments later in the day. Harrias talk 09:53, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life
  • As this section is currently very short, possibly consider just moving it into the first sentence of Career, per WP:LAYOUT, we should try and minimise single sentence paragraphs and sections, and I think until there is more information on his personal life, this will be the best way of managing that. Are there any sources that can provide more details on the move from Nigeria to the UK, or his parents? (As someone who writes articles on sometimes slightly obscure sporting figures, I understand there likely isn't, but I have to ask.) Harrias talk 10:35, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Career
  • The reference provided for the first sentence does not actually make any mention of anything in this sentence at all. All that I can find on this page to do with Odubade is that he left in 2004–05.
  • Another mention of "netted" without explanation (see comment in Lead section).
  • Reference 8: "Reserves too good for The Gas" redirects to a general mobile news page which makes no mention of anything to do with Odubade.
  • "He scored his last goal of the season in Eastbourne's 3–0 away win against Cambridge City in the play-off, but was also in the side that lost 2–1 to Altrincham in the final." – the "but" in this sentence doesn't make much sense. Maybe consider changing to an 'and', and remove 'also': "..play-off, and was in the side.."
  • "Despite scoring three goals in the club's first five matches of the season, Odubade failed to score again until November 2005.." – this isn't really a correct usage of 'despite', you could probably use 'after' – "After scoring three.."

Done up to Oxford United (note more for me than you!) Harrias talk 14:06, 20 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oxford United
  • "..and subsequently made his debut for the club a day after signing for the club, .." – Unnecessary repetition of 'the club', you can probably remove the second usage.
  • That whole sentence is very long and clunky, I'd recommend splitting into into a couple of sentences.
  • "A brace against.." – Link brace to Brace (sports)#In other fields.
  • "..heading home Oxford's first goal.." – 'heading home' isn't really encyclopaedic language.
  • "However, Oxford failed to gain promotion back to the Football League after losing on penalties to Exeter City, although Odubade scored and assisted another during the two ties." – another use of 'however' that I'm not keen on I'm afraid. Mostly here because it kind of jumps out of nowhere. Try rewording perhaps?
  • "The 2007–08 season, Oxford's second in the Conference National, witnessed Odubade play his first game of the season in Oxford's 1–0 home win against Forest Green Rovers, coming on at half-time." This sentence has a couple of issues; I'm not keen on 'witnessed' in this sense, it sounds like the season witnessed it? Also, there is no context; was this Oxford's first game of the season or their twentieth? Similarly with his first goal and first start of the season, how far through were they, how was the club doing? Was he given a start when they were struggling to add impetus, or just part of rotation?
  • I vastly prefer your third paragraph of this section, there is a lot more context given and it reads a lot better; as I commented before, a lot of this article reads like a list of his goals. Although I won't block the nomination on those grounds, I think you might want to look at trying to make the article flow a little more. That said, I've written plenty of cricket articles based upon stats alone, and I understand the trouble it can be!
  • That said, you use 'netting' in the fifth(?) sentence.
Stevenage
  • Another use of 'netting' in the third sentence.
  • "..a regular feature in the Borough squad.." – The only previous mention of Borough is in relation to Eastbourne Borough, which would prove confusing to those that don't already know that Stevenage were called Stevenage Borough. I'd suggest not using this term without a club name due to the two clubs both using it.
  • Also, as they were called Stevenage Borough when he joined them (as far as I can tell) I'd refer to them as such when you say he joins them in the opening sentence.
    • People have told me to do this before. But I don't think it should be changed. Besides, Stevenage were always referred to as just 'Stevenage' even before the club's name change. SBFCEdit (talk) 00:31, 23 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Throughout November 2009, Odubade became a regular feature in the Borough squad, scoring twice in games against Gateshead and Chester City respectively,[95][96] as well as notching the club's solitary goal in a 2–1 defeat against Ebbsfleet United in early December, a game in which he was injured and was subsequently substituted at half-time." – Definitely needs splitting into a couple of sentences.
  • "He featured in the club's first ever Football League match against Macclesfield Town in August 2010, .." – Should probably take a comma after 'match' to make it clear it wasn't simply they first match in the FL against Macclesfield!
Honours

That's the whole of the article, I'll place the article on hold to allow you time to fix these issues and add in a style of play (or similar) section. Harrias talk 22:02, 22 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

It's all looking good now, just noticed that another link has been marked as dead: 106, for the Histon pre-season friendly. I had a quick look around, and found this page [1], but I'll leave it to you, you may be able to find a better source. Once that is sorted, I'll promote. Harrias talk 08:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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