Talk:Wings for Life World Run
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Just to be upfront, I am a writer/editor paid by the Wings for Life World Run. Below are suggested edits for grammar/corrections. They do not constitute a "new section" of the existing article as the heading of this page suggests, but as someone with a COI I didn't quite understand how to request edits to the existing sections of the article. Everything is listed here, paragraph by paragraph. I apologize for the length of this, and for anything I may have done incorrectly in making my annotations. I will be happy to take feedback and improve the way this input is submitted to you...
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Current wording: The Wings for Life World Run is a running competition held on the first weekend of May since 2014 to collect funds for the not-for-profit foundation Wings for Life. The entry fee goes completely to the foundation. Note on above paragraph: The above is true, but in addition to the entry fee going completely to the foundation, any donations raised also go completely to the foundation. Would it be possible to change this to "The entry fee and all donations go completely to the foundation." The source [1] can be cited for this fact.
Current wording: The Wings for Life World Run is peculiar in that participants don't have to run a specific distance like in comparable competitions. A car rides on the track half an hour after the start. Overtaken participants are eliminated until just one, the winner, remains. The run also takes place in 34 or 35 locations around the world at the same time and is broadcast live on Red Bull TV. Several notes about the above paragraph: 1) "peculiar" sounds, well, peculiar, since the connotation comes off as "odd." Better usage might be something like "unusual." The flow of the sentence is awkward anyway, so perhaps a better structure would be: "The Wings for Life World Run is unusual because, unlike comparable competitions, the participants don't have to run a specific distance. 2) "A car rides on the track" is misleading/unclear. The use of "rides" makes it sound as if the car is literally on rails. What happens is: A car begins pursuing the participants, who may be wheelchair users as well as runners, a half an hour after the race start. ("wheelchair" could be linked to Wikipedia's Wheelchair article.) Source citation: [2] 3) "Overtaken participants are eliminated until just one, the winner, remains." In fact there are two winners: a female global champion and a male global champion. Perhaps better wording would be: Overtaken participants are eliminated until just one man and one woman, the winners, remain." Best source for verification here is simply the organization's own website: [3] 4) "The run also takes place in 34 or 35 locations around the world at the same time and is broadcast live on Red Bull TV." It appears that this sentence was written in the first years of the race. The number of locations now varies (sometimes widely) from year to year, so it might be expeditious to replace the numbers with "numerous." I don't have one single source showing the tally of locations for each annual edition of the run, but I can provide official press releases from the organization documenting the number of locations each year. (Not sure how to submit those to you?)
Notes about the above paragraph: 1) "Its goal is to find a cure for spinal cord injuries and paraplegia." Mentions of paraplegia could be misleading as there are other kinds of conditions related to spinal cord injury that could also be affected by progress in research supported by the foundation. [4] Might be simpler and more accurate to say simply: "Its goal is to find a cure for spinal cord injuries." 2) "Therefore, the foundation supports research and studies about spinal cord and spinal cord injuries financially." This sentence isn't wrong, but the phrasing is awkward. A solution would be: Therefore, the foundation provides financial support for research and studies about the spinal cord and spinal cord injuries. 3) "Founder Kinigadner himself is concerned because his brother and his son, both motocross riders too, are bounded to wheelchairs after injuries.[2]" Again, not wrong, but it's rather awkward wording, and also "bounded to wheelchairs" is considered offensive by some in the wheelchair community. A solution would be: Founder Kinigadner became involved because his brother and his son, also former motocross riders, are now wheelchair users due to injuries.[2]"
Notes on the above paragraph: 1) "After two years of preparations the first Wings for Life World Run was started on May 4, 2014 to raise funds and at the same time arouse attention on limitations and medical problems of paraplegic persons." Simply for a nicer read, "was started" should be replaced with "took place" and "arouse attention on" should be replaced by something like "heighten awareness of" And as mentioned above, spinal cord injuries don't affect only paraplegic persons, plus some readers may be sensitive to describing people with spinal cord injury as having "limitations." So a more ideal sentence would be: After two years of preparation, the first Wings for Life World Run took place on May 4, 2014, to raise funds and at the same time heighten awareness about the problems faced by people with spinal cord injury. 2) "Following the success of the first edition the race is now an annual event." Technically there's nothing wrong with this, but for a more neutral/encyclopedic tone should it avoid the mention of "success" and be simply "Following the first edition the race became an annual event." ?? 3) "According to the official Website the idea to organize a worldwide race where the last man standing would be the winner, came during a lay-over at the airport in Moscow." As evidenced by the winner charts on this Wikipedia page itself, this should read "...the last man and last woman standing would be the winners..." Current wording: The race is open to everybody, professionals as well as members or non-members of running clubs. The entry fee is donated entirely to the foundation, the main sponsor Red Bull covers the costs of the event. The fees vary somewhat depending on the choice of location and the time of sign up. 40.00 GBP are due to take part in Great Britain, 50.00 USD to take part in the United States, but it is also possible to augment the donation during the registration process. So far 3 million and 4.2 million euro of donation have been collected in the two first editions.[1] The Motto of the race is: "Running for those who can’t." Notes on the above. 1) "The race is open to everybody, professionals as well as members or non-members of running clubs." It would be clearer to say "The race is open to everybody, professional athletes as well as amateurs." [5] 2) "The entry fee is donated entirely to the foundation, the main sponsor Red Bull covers the costs of the event." As mentioned above, it would be clearer to say "The entry fee and all donations go entirely to the foundation" [6] And as for the mention of Red Bull, it might be more explicit to say that Red Bull covers the foundation's administrative costs as well as costs for the Wings for Life World Run. [7] 3) "40.00 GBP are due to take part in Great Britain, 50.00 USD to take part in the United States, but it is also possible to augment the donation during the registration process." In fact the entry fees can vary from year to year and across MANY locations, so this example isn't relevant. (I don't have one example that compares entry fees, but current entry fees can be found by exploring the locations at [8] The ideal might be to delete the mention of exact fees to keep the page evergreen? 4) "So far 3 million and 4.2 million euro of donation have been collected in the two first editions.[1]" The race has had three more editions since this fact was inserted, thus "so far" should be deleted. For the official figures on funds raised in subsequent editions, I can forward official PDFs from the organization or point you to them in an online newsroom. Would that help? 5) The Motto of the race is: "Running for those who can’t." This is minor, but technically it's "Run for those who can't." See main title at [9] Also, on a proofreading note, the "m" in "Motto" should be lower-case.
Notes on above paragraph: 1) Regarding "34 or 35": As mentioned previously, it appears that this sentence was written in the first years of the race. In fact the number of locations now varies (sometimes widely) from year to year, so it might be expeditious to replace "34 or 35" with "numerous." I don't have one single source showing the tally of locations for each annual edition of the run, but I can provide official press releases from the organization documenting the number of locations each year. (Not sure how to submit those to you?) 2) "around the Earth" just sounds a little stilted? Better to say something like "numerous global locations"? 3) "runners in Europe or Africa run around noon" Since Europe and Africa are broad regions with many time zones, it might be better to be a bit less specific than noon and say "run around midday" ?
Notes on the above paragraph: 1) I think "outstanding" is problematic because (a) it could be interpreted as editorializing rather than being neutral and (b) I suspect the author probably meant "unique" or "unusual" or "notable" 2) The sentence would also benefit from some editing for better flow, e.g.: The Wings for Life World Run is unusual because, unlike the 10 kilometers of a 10K run or the 42.195 km of a marathon, there is no prescribed distance to cover. (The words "10K run" could be linked to the 10K run Wikipedia page at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/10K_run) Current wording: 100 km are prepared at each location. All participants start at the same time, a so-called "Catcher Car" rides on the track 30 minutes after the start. The speed is 15 km/h at first and increases step by step. Once a runner is overtaken by the car, the race is finished for them. Busses bring eliminated participants back to the start area. Thus what counts on the sport side is not the time needed to cover a given distance but the distance covered before the Catcher Car overtakes one.[3] Notes on the above paragraph: 1) "100 km are prepared at each location." This fact is outdated. Today the event additionally includes so-called "Organized App Runs" where participants may, for example, run repeated short circuits at a park or running track, so that a course of 100 km does not need to be laid out. For example, here is an article mentions a 3K circuit [10] If it were up to me, I would simply delete this 100 km sentence to avoid reader confusion. 2) "All participants start at the same time, a so-called "Catcher Car" rides on the track 30 minutes after the start." As mentioned previously, "rides on the track" is misleading because it gives the perception that the car is literally on rails or driving down a running track. More clear might be: All participants start at the same time, and a so-called "Catcher Car" begins pursuit 30 minutes after the start. Source citation: [11] It might also be worth noting that for those running with the app, the Catcher Car is virtual. [12] 3) "The speed is 15 km/h at first and increases step by step." First: The phrase "step-by-step" has been potentially confusing all along (I think the author was trying to convey something like "incremental stages" as it certainly wasn't an increase with every step runners took.) Second: The chart on the current Wikipedia page for the Wings for Life World Run shows the Catcher Car speed from 2014-2018. But beginning this year the 15 km/h mention is out of date. Here's a general description of the new pace: :[13] and I can send you an official chart showing the new Catcher Car increments if desired. (Let me know how to forward it.) 4) "Once a runner is overtaken by the car, the race is finished for them." I don't know Wikipedia's stance on this, but if you like to avoid having a plural pronoun linked to a singular subject noun, you might want to change this to something like "One participants are overtaken by the car, their race is finished." 5) "Busses bring eliminated participants back to the start area." This sentence is simply out of date and I would suggest deleting it, as now there are some "Organized App Runs" where the course is a short circuit lapped multiple times, so transport isn't needed. Like this one:[14] 6) "Thus what counts on the sport side is not the time needed to cover a given distance but the distance covered before the Catcher Car overtakes one.[3]" This isn't wrong, but perhaps it could be more smoothly worded? E.g., Thus what counts in the sporting results is not the time needed to cover a given distance, but rather the distance covered before the participant is overtaken by the Catcher Car.[3]
Notes on the above paragraph: 1) Factually, this paragraph is out of date when it comes to prizes. The source cited is from 2015, and prizes can now vary from year to year. However, I don't have any official documentation saying what the prizes are from one edition to the next. So I'm not sure how to handle this as I don't want people to think they could enter and get a round the world tour based on this article... Maybe just delete the mention of prizes? Any advice? 2) If these sentences remain, we should at least fix the grammar and clarify in the first sentence, making it: The last remaining female participant and male participant at each location with a physical Catcher Car are the local Wings for Life World Run winners.
Notes on above paragraph: 1) Just for a more formal, encyclopedic style, would the first sentence be better as: The conditions and tracks vary widely. ?? 2) Regarding "The Catcher Cars are steered precisely using global satellite navigation hence a comparison between the different locations is nonetheless possible." I'm afraid this sentence simply isn't clear; it almost sounds like the cars are self-driving. Might be better as: The Catcher Cars are guided using global satellite navigation and their speed is regulated precisely, hence a comparison among the different locations is possible. 3) Regarding "The following table show how fast the car rides at what time after the start and how far it is at each speed change." Two things – the sentence is now inaccurate because the car's pace changes this year, and also the sentence is rather cumbersome in its construction. If the table is going to remain, it should be labeled to indicate that it applies to 2014-2018, and the sentence could be something like: The following table shows the pace of the Catcher Car in the first five editions of the race. (As mentioned earlier, I can also send you an official PDF chart showing the new Catcher Car speed, but I don't know how to forward you documents.)
Note on above paragraph: Does "around the Earth" sound odd/stilted/not quite Wikipedia style? I think the writer was probably trying to avoid using "world" twice in the same sentence, but "Earth" sounds somehow too much like a description of a scientific subject?
Notes on above paragraph:
1) Should the first sentence about "success" be deleted (for tone/style) because success is subjective?
2) "In the end Lemawork Ketema from Ethiopia won with 78.58 km he ran in Austria." Should be 78.57 Cite error: The opening
Current wording (for reference, we are are in the 2015 section now) This year 72,224 women and men, among them again numerous internationally known sportsmen like Marcel Hirscher and Gregor Schlierenzauer, started. Aksel Lund Svindal, who ran in 2014, drove the Catcher Car in Stavanger this time. Like him some other celibrities did the same for example Felix Baumgartner (in Bucharest) and David Coulthard (in Silverstone).[1] Note on above paragraph: Please change the spelling of "celibrities" to "celebrities." Flow of the last sentence could be improved with something like: Other celebrities who drove Catcher Cars included, for example, Felix Baumgartner (in Bucharest) and David Coulthard (in Silverstone).[1]
Notes on above paragraph: Flow and grammar could be better here. Perhaps something like: On the sporting side, the two best men of the preceding edition, Lemawork Ketema and Remigio Huaman Quispe, ran at the same location in Austria. Ketema improved his performance to 79.90 km and remained global champion. Quispe ran nearly as far as he did in 2014, reaching 78.20 km for third place worldwide. Chilean César Díaz Hernández earned second with 78.31 km in Santiago, and Giorgio Calcaterra was a repeat winner in Italy, improving substantially with a result of 78.06 km (4th global rank).
Notes on above paragraph: Flow and grammar could be improved. Perhaps something like: Elise Molvik, the women's global champion in 2014, ran again in Stavanger. She claimed the local title, but her 45.02 km was far from best worldwide. Claiming the top of the podium was Yuuko Watanabe from Japan (56.33 km in Takashima), while Riana van Niekerk from South Africa earned second with 55.21 km in Cape Town and Nathalie Vasseur of France (who was second in 2014) took third overall with 52.18 km in Sunrise, Florida, USA. All in all just 81 men ran farther than the women's global champion.
Notes on above paragraph: Flow and grammar could be improved. Perhaps something like: The third edition of the Wings for Life World Run started at 11:00 UTC on May 8, 2016. As in 2014 there were 34 locations, among them two in the USA. Colin Jackson was again the race director. The Catcher Cars were once again driven by international stars.[12][13]
Current wording: 130,732 runners took part worldwide and covered more than 1.2 million kilometers. In addition there were 20,556 so-called "Selfie Runners", that is people not running at one of the 34 locations and simulating the catcher cars with an app on their mobile phones. The foundation collected 6.6 million euros.[14][15] Notes on above paragraph: Flow and grammar could be improved. Perhaps something like: 130,732 runners took part worldwide and covered more than 1.2 million kilometers. In addition there were 20,556 so-called "Selfie Runners," that is people who did not participate at one of the 34 locations and instead used an app on their mobile phone that simulated the Catcher Car. The foundation collected 6.6 million euros.[14][15]
Notes on above paragraph: Flow and grammar could be improved. Perhaps something like: The Italian ultrarunner Giorgio Calcaterra won the local race in Italy for the third time and additionally secured the global title. His 88.44 km was a significant improvement on the previous record; so much so that, for the first time, the Catcher Car had to accelerate to the top speed of 35 km/h before overtaking the winner. The worldwide podium was completed by second-place Bartosz Olszewski from Poland, who ran over 80 km in Canada, and the Chilean Francisco Morales. Lemawork Ketema, global champion in 2014 and 2015, ran again in Austria. As in 2014, for a long time he was side by side with Evgenii Glyva. However Ketema decided to stop after 41 km to avoid compromising his form for upcoming races.
Current wording: A lot of top performances were set in Takashima in Japan. That was also the location for the global champion in the female race like in 2015. Kaori Yoshida set a new record with 65.71 km, an improvement of 9.38 km and an 18th place in the combined men and women classification. The following places went to the Austrian Karin Freitag with 59.08 km in Munich and to Vera Nunes from Portugal with 58.86 km. Last year's winner Yuuko Watanabe covered nearly exactly the same distance as she had in 2015 with 56.37 km, the women's global fifth place. Notes on above paragraph: Flow and grammar could be improved. Perhaps something like: Many outstanding performances were achieved in Takashima, Japan, which for the second consecutive year was also the location where the women's global champion was crowned. Kaori Yoshida set a new record with 65.71 km, surpassing the existing mark by 9.38 km, and finished 18th place in the classification for men and women combined. Second place went to the Austrian Karin Freitag with 59.08 km in Munich, and third was awarded to Vera Nunes from Portugal with 58.86 km. The previous women's winner Yuuko Watanabe covered nearly exactly the same distance as in 2015 with 56.37 km, the women's global fifth place.
Current wording (we are now in the 2017 section): The fourth edition was held on May 7th, 2017. 155,288 women and men stood on the start lines of 25 locations. The paraplegic athlete Aron Anderson from Sweden raced a new record distance of 92.14 km in a "normal" wheelchair (race wheelchairs are not allowed) and despite the heat of Dubai. Dominika Stelmach from Poland also set a new record performance in the women's competition with 68.21 km in Santiago. Notes on above paragraph: "155,288 women and men stood on the start lines of 25 locations." The 155,288 number includes people running with the app (and a virtual Catcher Car), not just the people at the 20-some locations with a physical Catcher Car. See first paragraph at [15] Another source to confirm the distance covered by the winning man and woman is [16]
Current wording: Wings for Life World Run 2018[edit source] The fifth edition of the race took place on May 6th 2018 with the start time again at 11 UTC. Note on above paragraph: If it's desirable to include more detail to better match the style of the descriptions of previous years (mentioning race winners, etc.), information is available at [17] References
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Thank you and I look forward to responding to your questions.
Trish at Wings for Life World Run (talk) 22:37, 10 April 2019 (UTC)
Reply 11-APR-2019
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In the example above there are three URL's provided with the claim statements, but these URL's have not been placed using Citation Style 1, which is the style predominantly used by the Wings for Life World Run article. Additionally, the ref tags have not been placed within the text at the exact positions where the information they reference resides. In their place, bracketed numbers have been placed within the text (i.e., [4], [7], etc.). These bracketed numbers to not coincide with any references placed on the talk page. Using the correct style and the correct positioning of the ref tags, the WikiFormatted text should resemble the following:
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Kindly rewrite your edit request so that it aligns more with the second example shown in the collapsed section above, and feel free to re-submit that edit request at your earliest convenience. If you have any questions about this formatting please don't hesitate to ask myself or another editor. Regards, Spintendo 14:19, 11 April 2019 (UTC)
Notes
- ^ The use of bare URLs as references is a style which is acceptable for use in Wikipedia. However, general practice dictates that the style already in use for an article be the one that is subsequently used for all future additions unless changed by editorial consensus. (See WP:CITEVAR.)