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GA Review

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Reviewer: CaroleHenson (talk · contribs) 04:59, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


This is a very interesting article and I am looking forward to reviewing it.–CaroleHenson (talk) 04:59, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Intro and infobox

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  • I made this minor edit so that the phrase follows the school.
  • Within the infobox, only the first occupation needs to be capitalized.
I see this is  Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 00:34, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Did she die before her third husband? There is no end date for their marriage, which makes me think that he may have outlived her.
  • There is no mention in the article that she was an active member of the Westside Community Church, in which case there should be a source in the intro.
I see this is  Done, by removing this from the intro.–CaroleHenson (talk) 00:34, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I see this is  Done. I like the edits made to the introduction.–CaroleHenson (talk) 00:34, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I'll take care of these today or tomorrow. I did not list the end date for her third husband's marriage because I did not find mention of it in any of my sources (and I did specifically go looking for it), so as best I can tell he outlived her. creffett (talk) 14:17, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, gotcha. I tried looking for it. I found that when she died she was a widow in one of her obituaries, though. I will take a quick look and if I cannot find it, I will drop it.–CaroleHenson (talk) 00:34, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
She was a widow by 1991 and her husband retired in 1971, but for some strange reason I cannot find an obituary for him between those time frames.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:00, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I added a sentence about her being a widow by 1991 and citation to the Personal life section.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:06, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

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Aviation career

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  • Regarding "pursue more African American participation in both fields" - what do you think about something like "attract more African American participation in both fields"?
  • Regarding "She lobbied the government continuously," - continuously makes is sounds like she did something non-stop, 24/7. For encyclopedic tone, it reads better without the word continuously.
  • I added a link to Army Air Corps.
  • Did she do anything with her aircraft mechanic's license?–CaroleHenson (talk) 06:18, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Post-aviation career

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Awards and recognition

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Further reading

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Notes

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  • I don't understand the first note. There seems to be a word or words missing before the citation, and there's no citation at the end of the sentence.
  • I tidied up the second note. There shouldn't be punctuation between the citations... and no need to say "See" before the citations.–CaroleHenson (talk) 06:28, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good, this section is  Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:28, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

General comments

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  • It is not necessary, but it would be nice to have a Personal life or Marriage and children section. If not, please add citations regarding her marriage to her first and third husbands in the Infobox.
This looks great and is  Done, thanks!–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:20, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Much of her biography focuses on attaining specific accomplishments - obtaining licenses or "firsts". It would be nice to know a little bit more about what she accomplished. For instance, it was nice to read about her lobbying efforts. As you were researching the article, did you find material that would help personalize the article a bit--to bring a greater sense of who she was and how she operated?–CaroleHenson (talk) 06:34, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
    Will cite her marriages; the first and third marriages weren't terribly remarkable (that is to say, the sources gave the names of the husbands, the dates of the marriages, the husbands' occupations, and that's about it). No children. The sources didn't really go into much detail about how she operated, but I'll take another look and see if I can flesh things out more. Now that you mention it, there is one quote that I'd really like to work in somewhere, about her visit to the Chicago Defender (a black-owned newspaper), sourced here (among others):

    When Willa Brown, a shapely young brownskin woman, wearing white johdpurs, a form fitting white jacket and white boots, strode into our newsroom, in 1936, she made such a stunning appearance that all the typewriters suddenly went silent...Unlike most visitors, [she] wasn't at all bewildered. She had a confident bearing and there was an undercurrent of determination in her husky voice as she announced, not asked, that she wanted to see me.

    — Enoch P. Waters
    That quote is repeated or paraphrased in a number of sources, and I think that's the only real glimpse we get into her personality. The only other time I saw her voice was in one of the newspaper articles, "WILLA B. BROWN VIEWS POLITICS AS NEW CRUSADE" - I'll dig that back out and see if it has anything to add a little more flavor to the article. creffett (talk) 14:28, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I love this quote!!! I put it in the Personal life section, but perhaps it belongs up in her career.–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:34, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for reviewing this GA nom, Carole. I see that the very capable Creffett is busy polishing the prose and fulfilling your excellent suggestions. I am available if more help is needed - just ping me. 😊 Atsme Talk 📧 14:44, 11 April 2020 (UTC) PS: I went ahead and modified the prose that contained facts, the presentation of which were too closely paraphrased. 15:05, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Creffett and Atsme:, Great! Willa Brown seems like an incredible "can do" person. I'll wait til you let me know it's done and put it on hold for the short run.–CaroleHenson (talk) 16:56, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

And Carole, the infobox image tells us she also had the privilege of being able to enjoy the original Coca Cola in the small bottles. I am aware that my comment may not ring a bell for those born in 1985+. Atsme Talk 📧 14:38, 13 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Absolutely!–CaroleHenson (talk) 17:11, 13 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

GA criteria

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Rate Attribute Review Comment
1. Well-written:
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. Yes, on the whole the article is well-written. There are some suggestions above.–CaroleHenson (talk) 06:56, 11 April 2020 (UTC) This is now  Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:36, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. Yes, with the exception of the Further reading section.–CaroleHenson (talk) 06:56, 11 April 2020 (UTC)[reply] 
This is now  Done–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:36, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
2. Verifiable with no original research:
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
2c. it contains no original research.
2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.
3. Broad in its coverage:
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
7. Overall assessment.

Comments

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Please take a look at the copyvio report when you get a chance. Some of the duplicates are titles, which is okay, but there are a few sentences or part of sentences that need paraphrasing. You are doing a great job, by the way, on the article!–CaroleHenson (talk) 05:20, 13 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

CaroleHenson, I think I've hit everything you mentioned, it's ready for re-review. Collected answers to a few of your comments:
  • Generally: I tried to add a little more detail in a few places to give us an idea of how she worked, but there's not a ton there - most sources I found were fairly general, just listing her accomplishments without really giving us much insight into her personality or how she operated. Unfortunate.
  • Details on her first and third husbands are lacking; as far as I can tell neither was especially notable. I wasn't able to find the date of her divorce from Coffey. I'm unsure about how the third marriage ended; her obituaries don't mention her husband, but I have no information on if or when he might have died. Presumably not divorced since her obits list her as Willa Brown Chappell.
  • Close paraphrasing has been cleaned up (I swear it was there when I started expanding the article!)
  • Mechanic's license: didn't find anything; I'd guess teaching students and maintain the school aircraft, but I haven't found a source for that.
  • FAA Women's Advisory Committee: no further details on what she did. Haven't found a ton on what the committee did either.
  • Removed the first note (the one about the conflicting reports on the date of her second marriage).
  • I didn't add much more to the lead because I didn't want it to get disproportionately large compared to the rest of the article.
Hope you're happy with where it is, if you have any further suggestions I'm all ears! I really appreciate all of the suggestions you've given and tweaks you've made. creffett (talk) 23:52, 13 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Excellent, thanks Creffett! I will go through my initial comments and your updates and comments.–CaroleHenson (talk) 00:27, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, I am very happy with it! You did an excellent job! I love the quote about her walking into a room. It gives a sense of her presence, assuredness... great!! I added notes above, and the article is ready to pass GA. I made some minor edits here. I paraphrased one sentence here. The copyvio report looks good now... mostly titles and "first black woman" etc. for which there are only so many combinations and will come up in one source or another. Excellent job! You have been a joy to work with!–CaroleHenson (talk) 01:48, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
CaroleHenson, thank you so much, I really enjoyed working with you too! creffett (talk) 12:19, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
It was very much my pleasure! It's a really interesting article!–CaroleHenson (talk) 17:12, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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