Talk:Uncomfortable (song)/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 18:05, 2 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

My third review for the GAN backlog of this month! --K. Peake 18:05, 2 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

~~The studio is not sourced directly anywhere in the body~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- The Revolver Mag mentioned the studio name. Now mentioned & linked in the body.
~~Target pop metal to Glam metal~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 22:08, 2 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Remove venue parameter since that is for live recordings only~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 22:08, 2 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Remove speed metal and hard rock from the infobox, as the song is only described as having elements of those genres~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 22:08, 2 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Replace hlist with bullet points per Template:Infobox song~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 22:08, 2 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"by the American hard rock band" → "by American hard rock band"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 22:08, 2 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Mention at the end of the above sentence that it is "from their fourth studio album, Vicious (2018)."~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~You should add as the second sentence the full writing credits for the song due to the lead currently being too short, plus mention them in the body since everything here has to be written there~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"as the lead single for the band's 2018 studio album Vicious." → "as the album's lead single, through Atlantic Records." with the wikilink~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"The song was recorded at" → "It was recorded at" plus this should be the sentence after writing and before release in the new order~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~The studio is not directly mentioned in the body as being Rock Falcon Studios~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Remove "previously worked" part since that is not notable for the lead~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
""Uncomfortable" was a response to lead vocalist Lzzy Hale's fear" → "it was a response to Hale's fear" because you will have already mentioned her full name by adding the songwriters sentence, also introduction should solely be in the body Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Follow the above with a sentence about the song's genre/elements and the lyrical meaning~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Change the critical info to saying "The song received widespread acclaim from music critics" with the target and mentioning the Grammy nomination in this sentence~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Split commercial performance into a different sentence, mentioning the US Hot Rock & Alternative Songs and Rock Airplay positions~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"received a Grammy Award nomination for Best Rock Performance." → "received a nomination for Best Rock Performance at the 61st Annual Grammy Awards." with the wikilink~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Background and composition

~~"The American hard rock band Halestorm released their" → "Halestorm released their"~~ Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Remove commas around the album~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~The source says the album was released on April 6, 2015, which is incorrect because it is written as April 10 here and on the main article~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~The production for the EP is unsourced~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Wikilink lead vocalist to itself instead~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"making everybody happy."" → "making everybody happy"." per MOS:QUOTE~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"The band reunited with Raskulinecz" → "Halestorm reunited with Raskulinecz"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~The studio is not mentioned as Rock Falcon like the infobox/lead calls it; try to find a source stating this~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Remove target on Vicious Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Jam sessions are not directly mentioned by the source~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Mention the songwriters as the last sentence of the first para, adding from the CD liner notes~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~""Uncomfortable" is a" → "Musically, "Uncomfortable" is a"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
[8] should be solely at the end of the sentence before [9]
- I'm not sure what you mean by this. Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"Guitarist Joe Hottinger says that the main riff was written "as a joke,"" → "Hottinger said that the riff was written as "a joke","~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Lzzy Hale wrote the melody" → "Hale wrote the melody"
- I would prefer to keep her full name whenever possible, because the drummer (her brother) also has the last name Hale.

Yeah that is acceptable, as it avoids confusion. --K. Peake 14:39, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Mention the drums per 6
- If I put this in, it would probably be in the reception section, as I'm not sure where I'd logically fit it in here Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"being that "[y]ou can't" → "being: "You can't"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"centered in a vocal riff." → "centered on a vocal riff."~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Release and reception

~~Change the img text to mentioning something about Lzzy Hale relevant to this section as well as wikilinking her~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"released "Uncomfortable" on" → "released "Uncomfortable" as the album's lead single on" with the wikilink~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"received widespread critical acclaim," → "was met with widespread acclaim from music critics." with the target~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The descriptive words used in the opening sentence can be used as part of reviews that should be written out here, as there are not enough to back up widespread acclaim
- Partly done I changed it to positive reception instead, since there isn't actually more than those descriptions. Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~MetalSucks should not be italicised~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Target SiriusXM to Sirius XM~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"all this summer."" → "all this summer"."~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 23:50, 3 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"whether the band gets" → "whether Halestorm gets"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"new music, said that" → "new music, said:"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~The commercial reception para should come after the rankings one~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"20 weeks on the" → "20 weeks on the US"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"and peaking at #1" → "and peaking at number one" per MOS:NUM~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"also appeared on the" → "also appeared on the US"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"peaking at #28 and #17," → "peaking at numbers 28 and 17,"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Internationally, "Uncomfortable" spent one week in October" → "Elsewhere, "Uncomfortable" spent one week in October 2018" but this should be after the Billboard year end position per geographical order Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"chart, at #47." → "chart, reaching number 47."~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"the 2018 Billboard Year-End chart for Mainstream Rock Songs, at #15." → "the 2018 Billboard Year-End Mainstream Rock chart at number 15."~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"at #2, falling just behind" → "at number two, falling only behind"~~ Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"losing to Chris Cornell's "When Bad Does Good."" → "ultimately losing to Chris Cornell's "When Bad Does Good"."~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~The second Grammy nomination is not properly sourced since the ref says nothing about the 2013 one being their first~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"in 2013." → "at the 2013 ceremony." with the target~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Music video

~~"who previously worked with" → "who had previously worked with bands"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Target Phantogram to Phantogram (band)~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"shows the band in grayscale," → "shows Halestorm in black and white," with the wikilink, per the source~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"On June 6, the band" → "On June 6, 2018, the band"~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"showing some of the process behind filming "Uncomfortable." part is not properly sourced; maybe just mention it was a behind the scenes video for the visual?~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 20:54, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Credits and personnel

~~Create this section by using the album's liner notes~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Charts

Weekly charts

~~See MOS:TABLECAPTION~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Remove Mainstream Rock per WP:USCHARTS~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Year-end charts

~~See MOS:TABLECAPTION~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~US Mainstream Rock Songs → US Mainstream Rock with the wikilink; chart can stay in this sub-section because the song did not reach the other year-end ones~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:10, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

References

Copyvio score looks great at 16.7%!!
~~Make sure all of these are archived by using the tool~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Replace ref 1 with a source that states the album's actual release date; probably go for one that was at or after the time~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 18:50, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 3 and change HMV.com to HMV, citing as publisher instead~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Cite 102.7 Coyote Country as publisher instead for ref 5~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Fix MOS:CAPS and MOS:QWQ issues with ref 6~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 7 and cite MetalSucks as publisher instead~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Fix MOS:CAPS issues with ref 8~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Cite AllMusic as publisher instead for ref 9~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Fix MOS:QWQ issues with refs 14 17~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Fix MOS:CAPS issues with refs 18 and 30, and cite Blabbermouth.net as publisher instead~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Remove the author from ref 24~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Cite Grammy.com as publisher instead for ref 26, with the wikilink and removing the other one as well as useless caps~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Replace ref 27 with the Grammy url because that backs up the info properly~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Remove the author from ref 28 and fix MOS:QWQ issues~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 29 and cite Grammy.com as publisher instead with removal of caps~~ Done Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments and verdict

On hold until all of the issues are fixed, but don't feel afraid to reach out if you are stuck on anything! --K. Peake 21:51, 2 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Kncny11 I appreciate how you have been taking your time to ensure everything is covered; however, the writing credits are listed in the lead but not the body. --K. Peake 14:39, 5 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Kyle Peake: Everything has been addressed except for one comment where I had questions. I do think that the lead looks much more stilted and awkward now, however. Kncny11 ^(shoot) 19:31, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Kncny11: I do see it in that manner too somewhat, but to fix this I would recommend splitting the single release sentence from the recording one (starting release one with "the song"). Also, you could move the last two sentences of the first para to opening the following one and add to the lead what was praised specifically about the song. Regarding the part about a ref being solely at the end of the sentence, that means not invoking the ref mid-sentence when it is already at the end. My last points are that you should include the song featuring drums in the comp because that is notable even though the description belongs in reception and I congratulate you for your plausible amount of progress on this! --K. Peake 20:55, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Kyle Peake: I played around with the intro again, and moved the citation. I added a sentence at the end about the guitars and drums, since most reviews seem to mention both. I guess it didn't seem notable to me, because I actually play lead guitar in a metal/post-hardcore band (with a pop punk side project, because sometimes I don't want to have to shred), and those instrumental elements seemed pretty par for the genre. Kncny11 ^(shoot) 15:49, 7 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Kncny11: ✓ Pass now, but I did some brief copy editing of where there were issues with the flow of the lead and the prose itself in the body, though I wholheartedly commend your hard work on improving this article. It may have been a little later than you would usually aim for, but one week is the standard amount of time it is recommended for an article to be onhold so five days later is quite good. --K. Peake 16:30, 7 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]