Talk:Typhoon Kim (1980)/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk · contribs) 01:41, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"Throughout the Philippines, 40 people were killed, two via drownings, and 19,000 others were directly affected." - Numerical consistency.
- Oh fuck I forgot. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"A total of 12,000 homes were destroyed and 5,000 villages received flooded." - Received flooding sounds strange. Just go with the typical "were flooded."
- I like to mix it up but I genuinely understand why you think so, either way, the sentence isn't correct. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Land interaction took toll on Kim, and upon entering the South China Sea, was down below typhoon intensity." - This needs to be reworded. Land interaction took its toll. The subject of the sentence here in land interaction, not Kim, so the entire sentence is off.
- Better? Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Kim continued northwestward, but its disrupted circulation, prevented re-intensification and it remained a tropical storm until hitting southern China July 27 to the northeast of Hong Kong, where only slight damage was reported." - Axe the comma after circulation, add one after re-intensification, and axe the one after Hong Kong.
- Technically in a compound sentence with two independent clauses there is no need for a comma before the conjunction. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Four hours later, the Japan Meteorological Agency (JMA) classified the system as a tropical depression.[2][nb 1]" - Notes before refs.
- Switched. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Despite aircraft data suggesting that the storm was not well stacked vertically." - This is not a complete sentence.
- Better? Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"At around this time" - At or around, not at around.
- Oh wow didn't expect this to come up in the GAN. Good call. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Kim began to clear out an eye on the evening of July 23.[4] Subsequently, Kim, as forecast by the JTWC, entered a period of rapid deepening.[1]" - Just combine these.
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Ten hours later, a Hurricane hunter aircraft measured a pressure of 908 mbar (26.8 inHg)." - More specific inHg. Same for next sentence.
- I went to 3 sig figs in Phyllis if you were paying attention :P, but after what I did to you about the 24 hour stuff earlier, I'll change it. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Continuing to weaken due to land interaction, Kim had weakened below typhoon intensity once it emerged into the South China Sea,[1] according to both the JTWC and JMA." - had weakened --> fell
- Oh wow, I usually get yelled at for using "fell", but sure. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Typhoon Kim caused widespread flooding to Luzon." to --> in. Change "In Manila" to "Throughout Manila" if that's repetitive for you.
- Eh, I like "across" here but I like how you're thinking tonight. 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)
"Across the Philippines, 40 people were killed,[13] two via drownings,[10] and 19,000 others were affected." - Numerical consistency.
- Fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"The next day day," - Extra word word.
- Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
"Some villages were flooded and two landslides happened." - Happened --> occurred.
- I like to mix it up, but I understand here. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

That's all. TropicalAnalystwx13 (talk · contributions) 01:41, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks but slow down the GA reviewing. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 01:58, 7 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]