Talk:Treblinka extermination camp/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 14:20, 15 October 2013 (UTC)
Review
[edit]I'll be glad to take this one. Initial comments to follow hopefully later today. Thanks in advance for your work on it. -- Khazar2 (talk) 14:20, 15 October 2013 (UTC)
- Only made it through the lead before Little Miss Khazar had a meltdown, but one point before I forget it-- isn't a "forced labour Arbeitslager" a redundancy? Much more soon. -- Khazar2 (talk) 23:11, 15 October 2013 (UTC)
More:
- Sonderkommando is written with the plural at some points but not others; this should be made consistent.
- The fact that it's now a national monument seems worth mentioning in the lead section
- "The Nazi plan to murder Polish Jews from across General Government, codenamed Aktion Reinhard, " -- this seems redundant, since you've just explained what this and linked it in the previous paragraph
- Why is Auschwitz I italicized when Auschwitz II isn't?
- "The staff of Operation Reinhard used the Action T4 euthanasia program as a basic framework for the construction of facilities" -- so was this the model, or was Chelmo? The explanation is a little confusing here.
- the Treblinka railroad station -- you might clarify that this is the railroad station of the town, not of the camp -- or is it the other way around?
- "The Totenlager was conveniently placed approximately halfway between the largest Jewish ghetto in all of Nazi occupied Europe; the Ghetto in Warsaw with up to 500,000 inmates,[29] and the Białystok Ghetto in the capital of Bezirk Bialystok with up to 60,000 Jews" -- I'm unclear what the semicolon is doing in this sentence; usually one is used to join two complete sentences (like here).
- "Right from the start, it was split into separate zones." -- is the "it" here the Totenlager? Generally a pronoun should refer to the last possible noun, which in this case would be the Bezirk Bialystok--but I don't think that's what you mean.
- The term "Totenlager" should be translated at some point; it's confusing to alternate between this and "extermination camp".
- "roe deer (1943)" -- he got the idea in 1943? Or did he actually build this in 1943?
- It could be made more clear why "Material gain" is under "Treblinka Trials"--there's no mention of the trials in this subsection.
- "the remaining two being Belzec and Sobibor" -- so were the three camps set up for Reinhard Treblinka and these two? Or Chelmo and these two? I've rewritten this in the way I think is correct, but feel free to doublecheck me (and revert if necessary).
Okay, I'm going to stop here for a bit. My initial impression is that the article is fairly comprehensive, and very well-sourced. But I think it could use a thorough copyedit--there's a good deal of odd phrasing, mispunctuation, points needing clarity, etc. I've given some examples of these above and in my edits directly to the article. So you can go over this again yourself, or if you'd like outside help, you might ask at the guild of Copyeditors, who are always very helpful. I don't mind doing it myself later if it comes to that, but I think that enough work might be necessary that I'd be disqualified as the article's reviewer. For now I'll put the article on hold for a week for the prose issues to be addressed. Thanks again for all your work on this! I'm very glad to see it approaching GA status. -- Khazar2 (talk) 00:37, 16 October 2013 (UTC)
- Thank you Khazar2 for picking up Treblinka from the lineup. I'm looking forward to working with you especially, considering your GAN experience. I will be addressing your comments point by point shortly. Poeticbent talk 15:00, 16 October 2013 (UTC)
Copy-edit
[edit]Collapsing detailed discussion to make page more accessible; almost all recommendations have been addressed
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Hello there. I'm AmericanLemming, and I'll undertake a copy-edit of this article. As I go along, feel free to revert or change anything if you don't like it. Here I go! AmericanLemming (talk) 18:42, 16 October 2013 (UTC)
I'm afraid I only got through the first paragraph of Treblinka II; I'll have to do the rest later, as I have a class to go to. AmericanLemming (talk) 19:46, 16 October 2013 (UTC)
Comments from the copy-editor At this point I've gotten through Killing process, leaving somewhere between half and two-thirds of the article to go. But before I go on, I have some comments I'd like to make. I don't make to upstage Khazar as the reviewer, but having read the first third of the article rather carefully I though I might as well put in my two cents. These are merely suggestions to improve the article, not requirements for attaining GA status. Some of it is just wording that I don't like but don't know how to improve. In that regard, it is as much a checklist for me as it is for the nominator. I will resume my copy-edit 18-24 hours from this timestamp, I think. AmericanLemming (talk) 06:22, 17 October 2013 (UTC)
First third As for the first third of the body text, here are more comments:
Well, that's all for now. I don't mean to give you a hard time; I'm just trying to help you improve the article, which is already pretty good. AmericanLemming (talk) 06:22, 17 October 2013 (UTC) Organization of the camp I've just finished going through "Organization of the camp", so I'll give my comments on that section now before I forget what they are.
Whew. That's a lot of comments for four paragraphs. I've gone from feeling like a copy-editor to a GA reviewer to a FA reviewer. It's entirely possible I'm being too picky. Anyway, make sure to take these as suggestions, since I really don't know how much is too much, I'm afraid. AmericanLemming (talk) 06:27, 18 October 2013 (UTC)
I've now finished going through the entire article. Almost 200 edits later, I think the prose is much better than it was before. Anyway, I'm now going to go through everything after "Organization of the camp" again to point out places where I thought the prose could be improved but I didn't know how. And that means more comments, I'm afraid. AmericanLemming (talk) 04:28, 19 October 2013 (UTC)
Treblinka prisoner uprising As a general comment, the first two paragraphs of "Treblinka prisoner uprising" are in need of much improvement. I think it's got all the necessary information; it's just not presented in a particularly coherent matter. As a second general comment, if they killed off all of the Sonderkommandos every few days, how did Lejcher managed to stick around for three months and plan the uprising?
Alright, that's everything for this section. I've put a lot of work into tidying it up, seeing as it probably had the worst prose in the entire article before I started the copy-edit. With that in mind, I would appreciate it if you, Khazar2, could take a careful look at it to make sure I didn't miss anything. Thanks! AmericanLemming (talk) 05:47, 19 October 2013 (UTC) Operational command
After the war
Treblinka trials, individuals responsible, and footnotes
Final thoughts from copy-editor I've now copy-edited and commented on the prose of the entire article; I've made 239 edits myself and listed 76 comments for the nominator to address. A few final thoughts:
General comments from the nominator The opening line at the Wikipedia:Good article nominations informs us that: "Good articles are articles that have been evaluated ... against a minimum standard of quality. This standard is less than featured articles." Furthermore, the Wikipedia:Good article criteria specifies six categories (which have long been met) including: 1). spelling, grammar, compliance with manual of style (lead sections, layout); 2). references, in-line citations, no original research; 3). focused on the topic; 4). neutral; 5). undisputed; and 6). illustrated. "Reviewers are encouraged to differentiate clearly between those improvements that are necessary for the article to meet the criteria, and suggestions to improve the article beyond the actual criteria" (quote from WP:WGN). In my opinion based on years of wiki experience, with all of the suggestions from above, this article can easily qualify for Wikipedia:Featured article review (a good idea), but the order needs to be followed: Good article first ... per Wikipedia:Article development stages. For example, further expansion of the lead, further research into why the poisonous gas Zyklon B was not utilized, follow up after the Soviet Katyn massacre, individual responsibility, and so on... I'd say about 25% of the excellent comments from AmericanLemming go beyond WP:RGA. This article was created by neither of us. Dozens of other Wikipedians contributed, with varied levels of experience. That's why it may read awkwardly, even if fully compliant with the GAN requirements. – What cannot be a good article? A Featured article ... for once (quote from WP:GA?). Now, back to the old grindstone, Poeticbent talk 14:39, 19 October 2013 (UTC)
Sounds good-- take your time! -- Khazar2 (talk) 23:11, 19 October 2013 (UTC)
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Support As the copy-editor and/or deputy reviewer and/or whomever else you consider me to be, I support promotion of this article on the basis of its prose and comprehensiveness. 269 edits of my own to the article later and with 46 of my 77 comments addressed, I think the prose is good enough for GA status. The rest can wait for FAC, if and when someone chooses to pursue that route. This is just a GAN, after all. AmericanLemming (talk) 09:34, 22 October 2013 (UTC)
- Great! Thanks again for your work here. -- Khazar2 (talk) 11:32, 22 October 2013 (UTC)
Second pass
[edit]Okay, I'll give the article another go-over today. More shortly. -- Khazar2 (talk) 11:35, 22 October 2013 (UTC)
All right, this is definitely making progress, but there are still some areas that need work. The biggest running confusion in the article is the way the phrase "totenlager" is used to describe a lot of different things; this should be clearly defined on its first use, and then used consistently after that point. A few points also need additional clarity or citation. I've made a list of action points below--let me know your thoughts! This covers all but the last two sections. Thanks again for your tireless work on this one--we're getting close to the end, I promise! -- Khazar2 (talk) 15:19, 22 October 2013 (UTC)
- "and Treblinka II (Totenlager)." -- this phrasing leaving it ambiguous if the camp was named Totenlager or if it was a Totenlager. (I don't speak much German, but I assume this means "death camp")
- I removed the parentheses and changed the phrase to German Vernichtungslager (meaning: death camp). It was named as such in the German language, I figure; see: Extermination camp#Definitions. Poeticbent talk
- "a forced labour Arbeitslager" -- this seems redundant--isn't an Arbeitslager always a forced labour camp? Later you write "a forced labor camp (Arbeitslager) ", which seems like a much better way to do it.
- I removed the "forced labour" phrase from that part of the sentence; tautology. Poeticbent talk
- "Aktion Reinhard" and "Operation Reinhard" are the same, right? I'm not clear why the article switches back and forth between the terms. This should be made consistent.
- Changed to Operation Reinhard. Poeticbent talk
- (shown in recovered photographs). -- is the source for this sentence original research into photographs? This sentence may need to be cut.
- Done. It's unnecessary like you said. Poeticbent talk
- Totenlager should be defined or linked for non-German-speakers.
- The actual term Totenlager is a red link (surprise!), because in Wiki Dictionary it seems to mean more than just that. Removed altogether. Poeticbent talk
- "mega quarry" -- a bit unusual, and "mega" can't be a standalone word -- could we just say "large quarry"? Or "quarry"?
- Apparently, the term mega quarry in used in the industry. You can google that. Poeticbent talk
- "the isolated Totenlager death camp" -- isn't this redundant? Or does Totenlager mean something different than death camp? I'm quite confused as how this term is used in the article.
- I think the term Totenlager might be overused in this article. See above. Sentence reworded. Poeticbent talk
- "The third and the most important section of Treblinka II was its upper camp – the isolated Totenlager death camp –" --another point of confusion here. In the lead, you identify all of Treblinka II as a "Totenlager". Here you say that one part of Treblinka II was a Totenlager. Which is correct?
- As I understand it, the whole of Treblinka II was a Totenlager. See above. Poeticbent talk
- "a train-station clock with face painted on permanently." -- I'm not quite sure what this means--is it a fake clock with fake hands painted on it?
- Changed to: "fake train-station clock with hands painted on it." Poeticbent talk
- "All new arrivals were sent immediately to the gas chambers." -- In the lead, you stated that a small number were kept alive to work as Sonderkommando--or were the Sonderkommando not being used yet?
- They were used from day one. Added Kommando Blau to that sentence. Poeticbent talk
- The article alternates between "Armia Krajowa" and "Home Army" -- it would be better to pick one term and stick to it to avoid confusion (though you might give both terms initially)
- Armia Krajowa is the title of our Wikipedia article, so I'm using that when not linked. Poeticbent talk 17:39, 23 October 2013 (UTC)
- "Within the compounds of the Treblinka Totenlager extermination camp" -- redundant?
- Changed to "Within Treblinka II", simpler and less repetitious. Poeticbent talk
- "Conspicuously missing from it are the big swaths of land around cremation pits with burial trenches dug by the crawler excavator (see aerial photo)" -- this editorial comment should probably be either sourced or deleted
- I find this important enough to be noted per our Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Captions#Some criteria for a good caption, because it is too easy to miss, on such a little photo. You can delete it if you want. Poeticbent talk 17:39, 23 October 2013 (UTC)
- Two sources are marked page needed--these pages need to be added
- I question the reliability of that second source which is a school project. I think it can simply be removed. Poeticbent talk
- "Their big triangles made it impossible for new arrivals to blend in." -- who is "their" here? The Desinfektionskommando, all of these units, or the new arrivals? I'm not clear why this sentence occurs in the middle of the assembly line of units here
- Rearranged sentences. Added clarification. Poeticbent talk
- "New labourers (only the strongest men) were selected from new arrivals daily to obtain the necessary replacements." -- again, this appears to contradict the earlier statement that all arrivals were killed immediately
- The earlier statement has been reworded, see above. Poeticbent talk 17:39, 23 October 2013 (UTC)
- "bringing their grand total to roughly one thousand at any given time" -- if there were 700 bunks for Sonderkommando, why conclude that there were 1000 of them total? Is this counting the Totenjuden as Sonderkommando? This should be clarified--are the terms interchangeable, are the Totenjuden a subgroup?
- There were 300 Sonderkommando members called Totenjuden sleeping in Camp 3 by the cremation pyres, plus 700 Jews from all other Sonderkommandos sleeping in Camp 1 residential compound, which gives 1,000 in total. I don't know how to say it better. Please make a suggestion, Poeticbent talk
- "Lajcher was killed in the revolt." -- easy to believe, but can a source be given for this?
- Citation anchor same as above but missing here. Fixed already. Poeticbent talk
- I've reordered the Uprising section a bit for clarity and to cut some trivial material (for example, the fact the the AP ran a single story on Wallenberg in 2010 is not significant in the general scale of this article). Let me know if you have any objections.
- I totally agree with you. Factoid added by someone else, not significant enough. Poeticbent talk
- I'd suggest reversing the order of the sections "Treblinka prisoner uprising" and "Operational command"; almost all of the events described in the second come before the events described in the first.
- I admit, I moved these sections around. I did it, because both "Organization of the camp" and the "Treblinka prisoner uprising" (now side by side) speak about the Jews forced to work at the camp. Meanwhile, the section "Operational command" speaks only about the commandants, thus giving them voice to also misrepresent the facts. I already spoke about that in talk which is now archived. Here is what I said: "The actual description of the camp must come from a reputable historian because that's what WP:RS means. A rant from (any) Holocaust perpetrator (recorded during his trial for war crimes), is not reliable..." It may be useful, but in my view, it should not be used as an inherent part of the camp's physical description. – I would rather delete all together the stupefying quotes originating from the mass murderers themselves per our wp:red flag policy guideline, because they are the most suspicious first party accounts carying a hidden agenda; however, I already encounter opposition to that.Poeticbent talk
- " The man most responsible for day-to-day interactions with the prisoners was commandant Kurt Franz." -- is there a source for this?
- Good catch, thanks. Paragraph reworded with relevant citation.Poeticbent talk
- "Survivor Samuel Willenberg remembered the song beginning: "With firm steps we march.... " -- why is this sourced to "Testimony of SS-Unterscharführer (Corporal) Franz Suchomel, who worked at Treblinka. Source: Claude Lanzmann, Shoah: An Oral History of the Holocaust. Para-documentary film, France (1985)." -- did Suchomel testify that Willenberg remembered the song this way?
- Badly formatted reference was the culprit. Fixed that. In the film Shoa, both Willenberg and Suchomel were interviewed, independently of each other of course. Poeticbent talk
- A class handout, like this one, isn't really a reliable source. It would be better to source the quotation directly to the film. (fn 102)
- I think there's a YouTube video out there with Suchomel's singing it. Is that what you mean? Poeticbent talk
- No, just adding a citation to the movie without an external link would be fine. -- Khazar2 (talk) 12:13, 24 October 2013 (UTC)
- I think there's a YouTube video out there with Suchomel's singing it. Is that what you mean? Poeticbent talk
- "The last rail transport of Jews destined for death " -- were there later transports of Jews that weren't killed? Or is the "destined for death" here just for added drama?
- Changed to "rail transport of Jews for gassing" (less dramatic, I presume). Poeticbent talk
- "Randomly terrorized Jews" -- what does it mean that these Jews were randomly terrorized? Were they terrorized in the general sense that all the prisoners were randomly terrorized, or is there something unusual about the way they were treated?
- I think I already mentioned that somewhere. The so-called killing operations ended by then, so what remained was the usual terror experienced by slave-labor. Please make a suggestion. Poeticbent talk 05:30, 24 October 2013 (UTC)
- " the Black Road" -- I'm assuming "the Black Road" is the name of the road the previous sentence describes? This name could be introduced more clearly.
- Added clarification, the road became known by that name. Poeticbent talk
- "The new Soviet-installed government failed in its duty to preserve evidence of the crime" -- seems very POV to state that it was this government's "duty" to preserve the site. Ok to just say "failed to preserve evidence of the crime"?
- Fixed. Thanks, Poeticbent talk
- "The scene has not been legally protected." -- really? I thought you said that it was a national monument.
- Fixed... "not legally protected" at the "conclussion" of World War II. Poeticbent talk
- " a place of martyrology" -- this is a very unusual phrase in English, and I'm not sure what it means. Googling it, it only appears about fifteen times in the whole Internet. Can you clarify it? (Same for "national monument of martyrology")
- This is (more less) a working translation of a foreign phrase: "miejsce martyrologii" with about 4,600 results in Google. Popular in Poland, where the Holocaust took place. Poeticbent talk
- "were purchased from 192 farmers" -- who made this purchase? (the national govt? The Warsaw provincial council?)
- I'm not sure. Source does not specify, but Council used to be a govt agency under the communist system, one way or another. Poeticbent talk
- I'm deleting some empty phrases as I go like "their almost unimaginable suffering". The factual detail of the article already makes the scale of that suffering clear--bodies of mothers clutching children, pregnant women exploding in the fire, etc. There's no need to repeat it again abstractly (and in fact, this lessens the impact of the article rather than enhancing it).
- Thanks, Poeticbent talk
- "Lazarett" -- earlier in the article this was spelled with one "t", here two--which is correct?
- Spelling came from source. Removed extra "t". Poeticbent talk
- A page number is needed for the reference "Sereny, Gitta Into That Darkness: from Mercy Killing to Mass Murder, a study of Franz Stangl, the commandant of Treblinka, 1974"
- Added {{sfn|Sereny|2013|p=354}} Poeticbent talk
- Lorenz Hackenholt, SS-Hauptscharführer (First Sergeant) -- appears to need citation
- "chief of the Totenlager (extermination area)" -- yet another definition for Totenlager, so another spot to clarify
- Again, "Totenlager" removed. Poeticbent talk
- I think listing every known SS man who worked at the camp may be excessive detail. What would you think of removing the red-linked names from this list?
- Aren't Ivan the Terrible and Ivan Ivanovich Marchenko the same person? Why do you list him twice here? It also seems incredibly POV to link the second instance of his name to John Demjanjuk. If I understand right, Demjanjuk was originally accused of being Marchenko but then was convicted of being a different guard at Sobibor, correct? I'm removing this entry for now. -- Khazar2 (talk) 17:32, 22 October 2013 (UTC)
Okay, I think this is just about ready to pass. I'd still arguing for cutting some of the SS names at the bottom but it's not enough to stop this from becoming a GA. Thanks for your patience and thoroughness in working through my comments above. -- Khazar2 (talk) 12:13, 24 October 2013 (UTC)
Checklist
[edit]Rate | Attribute | Review Comment |
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1. Well-written: | ||
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. | Prose is good; spotchecks show no sign of copyright issues. | |
1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. | ||
2. Verifiable with no original research: | ||
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. | ||
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). | ||
2c. it contains no original research. | ||
3. Broad in its coverage: | ||
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. | Comparison to the Britannica article and Holocaust Encyclopedia demonstrates that main aspects are covered. | |
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). | Some of the more minor SS figures listed toward the end (such as the name of a guard killed by an inmate) seem like unnecessary detail, but on the whole, this is within GA bounds. | |
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. | ||
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute. | ||
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio: | ||
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. | ||
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. | ||
7. Overall assessment. | Pass as GA--very good work on a huge topic! |