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Talk:The Legacy (professional wrestling)/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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I'll just start from the top and make a list of any problems I find. :)

Lead
  • Add the line "|image_size=300px" to the infobox under the "|image=" line. 300px is the maximum an image should be in the lead, and it's needed here to see the picture well enough.
Done. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 15:00, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "all the members are multi-generational wrestlers, and the name The Legacy is a reference to their extensive family histories in wrestling." -> ""
I personally find that a bit wordy, not to mention redundant. The fact that it says "multi-generational wrestler" means that family members were professional wrestlers before them, so why does that need to be included? Basically, why do we need to state the same information in two different way in the same sentence? I'd like 'Blue's opinion on this. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 15:00, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
You're right, it's too wordy on a second look. How about "each member is a multi-generation superstar. The name "The Legacy" is a reference to their extensive family histories in wrestling."
This seems somewhat fine. Though, I'd like Nici and Tony's opinion on it. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:42, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I've done it, but I replaced "superstar" with "wrestler". I'm not sure when the name "superstar" was first applied to WWE wrestler, but I'm fairly sure that Michael DiBiase wasn't known as a superstar, hence why I said wrestler for accuracy reasons. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 19:45, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Sometime after Superstar Billy Graham retired I think which makes it pretty much impossible. We should probably avoid the term superstar anyway as it's a PR term, not a job/profession. Michael Jackson is a superstar but I bet his suplexes left a lot to be desired. Tony2Times (talk) 20:27, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In June 2008, Rhodes and DiBiase first formed an alliance after winning the World Tag Team Championship, in which Rhodes turned on his former partner, Hardcore Holly." -> "In June 2008, Rhodes and DiBiase first formed an alliance after winning the World Tag Team Championship at Whatever the PPV was, in which Rhodes betrayed his original partner, Hardcore Holly, to align with DiBiase."
Done, but with a slight tweak to the wording. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 15:00, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Soon after, they tried to earn Orton's respect, which they eventually did." -> change "they" to "the pair".
Done. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 15:00, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The team also wrestled together in a tag team match to win the WWE Championship for Orton." - just make a note of where.
Done. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 15:00, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Concept
  • Being that the first sentence is a copy of the lead, copy the revised sentence that I suggested above (but preferably alter it a bit so it's not the exact same in both sections).
Same as above. I'd like 'Blue's opinion again. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 15:00, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
See my revised suggestion above. iMatthew talk at 19:33, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • For consistency with Orton, change "Ted DiBiase's father, Ted DiBiase, and adoptive grandfather, Mike DiBiase." to "Ted DiBiase's father (Ted DiBiase), and adoptive grandfather (Mike DiBiase).
  • "DiBiase's grandmother, Helen Hild, was also a professional wrestler.[4] Cody Rhodes' father, "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes was a professional wrestler along with two of Rhodes' uncles, Jerry Sags and Fred Ottman." - again, use parenthesis.
I've reworded it a bit so each member has their own sentence, where before Orton&Ted shared one. I've also tried to make it less of a sentence list so hopefully it's not too verbose. Tony2Times (talk) 18:31, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "in storyline all the members" - "in storyline, all three members"
Why remove that? It's because of the fact that are they are second/thrid wrestlers that they think they're better than the other wrestlers. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 15:00, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Changing that comma completely changes the intonation of the sentence to imply that they are only generation wrestlers in kayfabe. Tony2Times (talk) 17:20, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, I didn't mean remove it, I was referring to changing the last part of the sentence. I've fixed it. iMatthew talk at 19:33, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
In which case, Tony's point stands. You want it changed to "Due to their status as second or third generation wrestlers in storyline, all the members of The Legacy" which would imply that they're only multi-generational in storyline, which is incorrect. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 19:45, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "of which Orton was a member, but Rhodes and DiBiase" - period after "member" and start the new sentence with "Rhodes and DiBiase"
I find "of which Orton was a member" an odd word choice, maybe this should be changed altogether. Tony2Times (talk) 18:31, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
It's worded that way because a preposition (e.g. "in", "of") should never be used at the end of a sentence - it's grammatically incorrect. It should "of which he was a member", not "which he was a member of". ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 19:30, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Formation (2008)
  • "and meant that he and DiBiase won the championship." -> "as he and DiBiase won the championship."
That makes it sound like they became heels because they won the championship rather than turning on Holly. Tony2Times (talk) 18:31, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
OK. iMatthew talk at 19:33, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The two responded by assaulting Cryme Tyme and introducing another second generation wrestler, Afa the Wild Samoan's son Manu, at Unforgiven, though this still did not impress Orton." - too many commas and sentence break. Try to clean it up a bit.
Attempted. Tony2Times (talk) 18:31, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "took place; Rhodes..." -> "took place where Rhodes..."
  • "assaulted World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk to allow Orton" - Period after CM Punk. Next sentence should start with "This allowed Orton"
Changed both sentences. Tony2Times (talk) 18:31, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Feud with the McMahon family
  • "Orton maintained he was owed an apology which angered McMahon, but as he was about to fire him, Orton slapped McMahon and gave him a running punt leaving him hospitalized in the storyline." the first part needs a re-wording tweak. Also, give running punt it's proper wikilink.
Re-worded some. Also given punt a wikilink though it's linked in the former paragraph. Tony2Times (talk) 18:31, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "during the 30-man Royal Rumble match the group worked as a team, making them three of the last four contestants in the ring, with Triple H as the other." - comma after "match" and remove the comma after "ring"
  • "unconscious" needs a link, it's not a very common word.
I've done so, but is it uncommon? Tony2Times (talk) 18:31, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
No, it's not uncommon. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:42, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Orton as WWE Champion
  • Nothing -_-
In wrestling and the rest
  • Why aren't all of the finishers sourced?
Done. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 15:00, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • He won the Royal Rumble match, so make it clear that he didn't win the whole Royal Rumble. :P
I'm not sure what you mean here, or what you want done. It's formatted the exact same way as every other article (or Royal Rubmle winners anyway). See Randy Orton, Triple H, Ric Flair, The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Dwayne Johnson, etc. This is the standard. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 15:00, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Do you mean link to the match section of the article? :S Tony2Times (talk) 18:31, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, that's what I mean. iMatthew talk at 19:33, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Done. ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 19:45, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I'll leave it on hold, good luck with the fixes. iMatthew talk at 13:30, 6 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, ♥Nici♥Vampire♥Heart♥ 19:56, 7 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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