Talk:The College Dropout/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Brandt Luke Zorn (talk · contribs) 02:28, 15 March 2013 (UTC)

All told, this is really close to getting a GA. Very comprehensive, well-researched, relevant information. Most of my comments are about wording, with just a few relating to information. I made a few minor edits myself.

• Certain facts could use a year; "Kanye West was born in Atlanta, Georgia," "After graduating from West Aurora High School"
• "Serving as in-house producer for Roc-A-Fella Records" the or an in-house producer? I'm assuming an and I think most readers would, but it's worth clarifying.
• Here, you say that "Through the Wire" "helped lay the foundation" for College Dropout. The article for "Through the Wire" is a bit more specific: "Although he initially had trouble convincing Roc-A-Fella Records executives to let him make his own album as a rapper, he was able to change their minds after the song's release." That article also specifies that it was first circulated on a mixtape and then officially released as a single. So, does this mean that "Through the Wire" was released as a stand-alone single before there were ever plans for the album?
• Citation 21 is just "(2004-07) Ebony"; is there any more information (article title, issue number, etc?)
• "in favor of more diverse, topical proponents" Proponents isn't quite the right word
• "life-related" is also a bit awkwardly phrased, but I know what you mean. Maybe something like "drawn from his own experiences and observations"?
• "The next track, "Graduation Day", features Miri Ben-Ari on violin and John Legend with heavily auto-tuned vocals to the point where he is hard to understand." The reference following this sentence does not mention Miri Ben-Ari or Legend's performance on that track
• Some lack of clarity and redundancy: "Gospel hymn "I’ll Fly Away" proceeds track "Spaceship", a track with a relaxed beat where West muses about wanting to work in a spaceship. The song features GLC and Consequence, the latter of which makes comparisons to modern day retail working with slavery."
• "On "Jesus Walks" West declares his belief in Jesus and touches upon his views with contemporary hip-hop." The second part of this sentence could use some fleshing out, otherwise it just vaguely reads as "he had a view". Specifically, he thought mainstream contemporary hip-hop marginalized/was afraid to talk about religion.
• "West commenting about racism." another case where more details would be good.
• ""Never Let Me Down" uses" unless I missing a nuance, "reuses", right?
• I know Wikipedia's all about minimizing samples, but for an album this significant, in my opinion, more might be warranted. By no means does it need more samples to pass GA, this is just a suggestion. "Jesus Walks" probably has the most musical support in the text (not to mention, I always think of this as such a definitively Kanye beat; "Power" and some other later ones are totally in the same vein so it reflects his overall style pretty well). "Slow Jamz" would also be a good choice since it's referencing such a specific sound.
• "The album's first single and West's debut single, "Through the Wire", debuted at number ninety-four on the Billboard Hot 100 and peaked at number fifteen on February 3, 2004 for five weeks. It remained on the chart for twenty-one weeks." same confusion as earlier; was the single perceived as a single from the College Dropout, since [it sounds like] it predated plans for the album's release?
• "The song contains violin by Miri Ben-Ari." Aha! Here's the correct footnote for that earlier note, I think. This fact would probably be better in the Music section.
• "On June 3, 2009, West uploaded the video on his official blog. ... West uploaded the video on his official blog in May 2009." Some repetitive wording, probably should merge those sentences.
• "By April 2004, it had sold in excess of 1 million copies in the United States." If this is drawn from the certification alone, that just means that the album has shipped, and not necessarily sold, a million copies (or even more precisely, that marks the date that the RIAA actually recognized that one million copies had shipped). This could probably be merged with the following sentence and should specify that a Platinum certification had been issued.
• "Following the release of the album, West received 10 Grammy nominations." "following the release"—of course! Naming the approximate date of the nomination announcements would be more useful.
• "was nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Rap/Sung Collaboration" What was?
• "and is often listed amongst the greatest debut albums ever released by a hip hop artist." It surely is, but I don't see any of that later in the article.

Last note: The Chris Rock mention made me think of his list of the 25 greatest rap albums. The College Dropout isn't on it but it's a fun read. --Brandt Luke Zorn (talk) 02:28, 15 March 2013 (UTC)

Sorry if took some time, but I've started to deal with your requests. igordebraga ≠ 18:44, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Did some more, can you strike some more? igordebraga ≠ 04:08, 30 March 2013 (UTC)

Struck some more comments. Make sure all references are formatted consistently. --Brandt Luke Zorn (talk) 15:55, 31 March 2013 (UTC)

Think that I solved what remained with the help of a few new refs. igordebraga ≠ 05:48, 5 April 2013 (UTC)