Talk:The American Israelite/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 16:14, 18 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 16:14, 18 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the issues I found:

"It was also among the first Jewish publications in the whole country." I'd take out 'whole', not sure why but reads better without it to me.
"The newspaper's motto was from the start, and still is, יהי אור" I'd simplify it to just 'The newspaper's motto is יהי אור'.
"Leo Wise, who had become business manager for the paper in 1975," I presume you mean 1875 here.
"Rabbi Wise remained active on the paper until his death on March 26, 1900,[6][8] in fact writing an editorial for it just a few days before." I'd take out in fact, these handful of modifiers seem to take away from the article rather than help it.

I'll put the article on hold and will pass it when the issues are fixed. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:01, 20 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much for the review. I've made changes per the first, third, and fourth comments. On the second, I'd like some way to indicate that this has been the motto from the start and still is today. I don't think your wording necessarily conveys that. Can you think of another re-wording? Another possibility is to add 'motto' as a field to the newspaper infobox. That would get across that it still is the motto, and the article text's wording could be reduced to 'From the start, the newspaper's motto was יהי אור'. I've proposed this change at Template talk:Infobox newspaper. Let me know what you think ... Wasted Time R (talk) 12:29, 20 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ok. I'm not quite getting still why having that 'from the start' note is important, but I won't worry myself about it, it's not a big deal. Everything else looks good, so I'll pass the article. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 16:38, 20 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]