Talk:Sudharmono

Sudharmono was nominated as a good article, but it did not meet the good article criteria at the time (February 8, 2022). There are suggestions on the review page for improving the article. If you can improve it, please do; it may then be renominated.

Biography: Military / Politics and Government

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Military history: Biography / Asian / Southeast Asia / Cold War

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This article has been checked against the following criteria for B-class status:
Referencing and citation: criterion met Coverage and accuracy: criterion met Structure: criterion met Grammar and style: criterion met Supporting materials: criterion met

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	Military biography task force
	Asian military history task force
	Southeast Asian military history task force
	Cold War task force (c. 1945 – c. 1989)

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GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Sudharmono/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Jens Lallensack (talk · contribs) 21:34, 20 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewing now, comments follow soon! --Jens Lallensack (talk) 21:34, 20 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

First sentences of lead has commas where I wouldn't place them.
serving from 1988 until 1993. – "serving" is twice in the sentence, "from 1988 until 1993" is enough I think.
Previously, he served – maybe "Before his Vice Presidency, he served"?
which he completed the course in 1956 – "the course" doesn't fit in here grammatically. Both in lead and body.
Sudharmono was moved from the position of Cabinet Secretary to the State Secretary – again, not sure how this needs to be formulated
Following the end of his term, he – refers to Suharto, is that correct?
Sudharmono was extremely active in governing – suggest to drop "extremely" per WP:PUFFERY
the son of a carik (secretary) of the Village of Kabalan – "from the village" or "in the village" (he had his job there?). Village in lower case.
While his mother was Raden Nganten Sukarsi, the daughter of a priyayi from Bojonegoro. – Remove "While"
He was the third child of four children, having 2 older siblings. An older sister, Mbak Siti, and an older brother, Mas Sunar – connect both sentences.
Though before he died, his father had been moved back to Tambakrejo, Bojonegoro. – I'm wondering if this detail about his father is really relevant here? That looks a bit like random detail; the remainder of the article is not that detailed.
Sudharmono also covered for other ministers when they were unable to perform their duties; – I'm worried here (see also WP:PUFFERY), and it doesn't contain any facts. I would remove this part. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 22:23, 20 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
to see the implementation and consolidation of Golkar policies – "oversee"?
Suharto was aware of this and before ABRI could do anything, Suharto placed ABRI commander Benny Moerdani as Minister of Defense and Security, a position which had no direct line of command to the troops. Replacing him with Try Sutrisno, who had been Suharto's adjutant.[27] – needs reformulation; second sentence not complete, maybe combine
While the ABRI faction's nomination was delayed, with Benny Moerdani continuing to procrastinate by claiming that he had not discussed the Vice Presidential nomination yet. – needs reformulation, I don't understand.
Though ABRI's support was likely only in opposition to Sudharmono. – not sure here, too. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 22:47, 20 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Concurrently, a book was also released called Kesan dan Kenangan dari Teman: 70 Tahun H. Sudharmono SH ("Impressions and Memories from Colleagues: 70 Years of Sudharmono"), which talked about Sudharmono from the point of view of those who he had worked with. – Author?
Due to the close release of his books and the 1998 MPR General session, – not sure if this works if you formulate like this …

Note: The article has major language problems. I did copy edits as I went, but I am not a native speaker myself so I certainly missed a lot. After the above points were addressed, I would therefore like to call for a second opinion regarding good article criterion 1 "well written". Thanks. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 16:09, 21 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking the review. This article was my first ever GA nominee, as such it has quite a number of grammar issues. I intend to fix it in the coming days, but I'm currently a bit busy IRL. I can still respond, though a bit slower than I'd like to. So when I have the time, I'll fix 'em. Cheers, The man from Gianyar (talk) 00:20, 24 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Sure, we are not in a hurry. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 07:44, 24 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I don't think I have the time to do this GA right now, I think it's best that you just fail this @Jens Lallensack. The man from Gianyar (talk) 03:50, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]

OK, will do. Thanks for letting me know. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 09:42, 8 February 2022 (UTC)[reply]