St. Mary's Church (Albany, New York) (final version) received a peer review by Wikipedia editors, which on 26 September 2021 was archived. It may contain ideas you can use to improve this article.
A fact from St. Mary's Church (Albany, New York) appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 9 December 2012 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
Did you know... that St. Mary's(pictured) was the first church in Albany, New York, to have electric lighting?
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Per MOS:LEADCITE, information found in the body of an article does not usually have to be cited in the lede, which means that the part about lighting can have the citation removed, as it's referenced later
Done That was for the sake of its DYK appearance, when reviewers insist that if you state the hook fact in the intro, it needs to be cited there. But that's long in the past now. Daniel Case (talk) 03:17, 11 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I worry about the use of "accompanying photos" for most of this section, which might well border on OR
See WP:OI: " Original images created by a Wikipedian are not considered original research, so long as they do not illustrate or introduce unpublished ideas or arguments, the core reason behind the "No original research" policy." Daniel Case (talk) 20:04, 10 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Who is "they" in "they asked the Vatican" and "they formally incorporated"? Was it just the priests, or were laymen involved as well?
"at the homes of one of their few prosperous members." Some confusing phrasing - was it multiple homes belonging to one person, or various homes each owned by separate wealthy members?
"from Poughkeepsie in the south" → "south towards Poughkeepsie" for parallelism
Catholic priests don't give sermons, they give homilies (I hear the voice of my great-grandmother on this one)
"that the Protestant leaders of the city and state went to hear because of their quality." → "of such quality that they attracted Protestant leaders from Albany and greater New York."
"help in getting some nuns" → "assistance in recruiting nuns"
"to reincorporate the church in a way more amenable to Catholicism." I'm not entirely sure what this means
Fixed I found the church's current website has a page that says "Incorporation was granted according to a new law of 1863, far more favorable to Catholic usage than the old trustee law had been." I'd love more details but that's all there is. Daniel Case (talk) 21:38, 12 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"the architect, from the firm of Nichols & Brown"
Generally when writing about architecture IME, "architect" can mean the firm commissioned as much as an individual—designing a building can often be a collaborative endeavor (note, for instance, that Grand Central Station's architecture is credited to two firms, and more recently the CNOOC Building in Beijing is credited to an American firm) and the people involved want to recognize that. Daniel Case (talk) 21:38, 12 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The part about mayor Maher seems trivial unless Albany was known for not particularly wanting a Catholic mayor
Most of these paragraphs are only a couple sentences long and can probably be bunched together
I did this to the last one; the other grafs are about three sentences long each and cover distinct aspects of the church's history during this period. I think this is easier on readers. Daniel Case (talk) 20:19, 13 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Similar to the issue noted below, the archived reference does not extend far enough in history to include Gibbons' bishop appointment or Thomas Loughlin's tenure
I do not love the "see accompanying photos" citation, in part because it's unclear what photos these might be – in the article, or on the St. Mary's Church pages?
My biggest overarching concern is the reliance on a source that is currently archived incompletely, and is also something of a primary source, as it comes from the St. Mary's site itself.
While I have found newer material on the church's website, and I see your point, but ... there's just not a lot else out there. Perhaps if the NRHP nom had been more recent, there would have been more in it to make it a more credible independent source. I used what I could besides the church's website. Daniel Case (talk) 22:01, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Putting on hold to allow nominator to address comments, most of which have to do with some sourcing concerns that I have. Ping me if there are any questions. I am not sure how much help I can be in replacing sources if needed, as I have a fairly busy schedule and architectural research is not my strong suit. — GhostRiver19:55, 10 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Apologies for the delay of a day or so, it's been a difficult time at work. Most of my remaining comments would be entirely aesthetic (I still don't love how small each paragraph is) that are, at the end of the day, a matter of personal preference. In terms of content, I think this is much improved, and I'll be happy to pass. — GhostRiver00:59, 21 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]