Talk:Somalia at the 2000 Summer Olympics

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Somalia at the 2000 Summer Olympics/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: MrLinkinPark333 (talk · contribs) 20:15, 14 August 2019 (UTC)

Hello there. I've reviewed a X country at Y Olympics article before for GA (Afghanistan at the 2016 Summer Olympics), so I might as well do another one.

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	run on businessmen and permission sentence that needs to be split into two sentences for grammar. Same with Aden's qualification and why he was the only athlete to qualify.Y
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	instances of "however", "though" and "despite" per words to watchY
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.	no issue here.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	all looks good. i had to check Christian Science Monitor to be sure.
	2c. it contains no original research.	sports reference doesn't state that Aden is a middle distance runner nor Hussein is a sprinter, while the Newsweek source has two issues but might be due to different version of the article (see below). Other unverified parts include 1976 boycott because of New Zealand, Sydney being Somalia's 5th olympic appearance, boycotting 1992 because of famine, and Sydney being Hussein's only ever olympic competition.Y
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.	close paraphrasing in the businessmen, permission and aden's qualification part. I think the buinessmen part won't pass WP:LIMITED, while the permission part might as long as the word order is changed. However, aden's qualification definetly won't pass limited. Originally was at ? before i found the Aden sentenceY
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	mentioning who won the medals for the men's 1500 metres moves the focus away from Aden to the medalists and should not be included (as they were not from Somalia either).Y
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).	Not sure if the amount of athletes/countries is needed either as this is about somalia, not the entire olympics.Y
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.	no per words to watch as stated above.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.	no issues with stability
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	not applicable
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	not applicable
	7. Overall assessment.	not yet. grammar, words to watch/neturality and main aspect issues are quick corrections while close paraphrasing and OR/inaccuracies are bigger issues.

Lead

All is good apart from the sea of blue (but does not effect the ga review).

• Just realized that this part has the same issue as it did in the 2nd paragraph of background: mentioning middle-distance runner and sprinter when the source doesn't reflect that. Needs to be reworded like you did with the other one. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 17:49, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
  • Reworded. MWright96 (talk) 19:46, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y

Background

Paragraph one

• I recommend rewording "however" to avoid WP:EDITORIALIZING to connect the 1972 to 1984 olympic appearances
  •  Done MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
• Somalia is not listed boycotting the 1976 Summer Olympics because of New Zealand's rugby team on pg. LXXV. Of the 27 listed countries, Somalia isn't mentioned.
  • Yes, pg. 540 does omit 1976 for Somalia's years of appearances but doesn't state why they didn't compete.
    • Added a citation from The Times MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
      • See above response. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
        • Had to check with Gale to verify it and Somalia is specifically mentioned. (btw had to rearrange one of your responses cause part of it was hidden). --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 17:23, 15 August 2019 (UTC) Y
• I think Somalia's boycotts and their return to the Olympics would need to be flipped for chronological summary (1976-1984).
  •  Done MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
• Historical dictionary says "probably because of the famine" so this statement causes doubt that was the reason why they did not compete after appearing at the 1992 opening ceremony.
  • Added. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
    • The "although it participated in the opening ceremony" sounds like WP:WEASEL and would need rewording. The "possibly" part seems fine because the source reflects that. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:01, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
      • Hopefully the word that has been replaced by myself does not fall under the category of weasel words. MWright96 (talk) 19:46, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
        • Agh apologies. Although/though fall under Editorializing, not weasel. Maybe change the sentence order as the "though it participated in the opening ceremony" sounds like a side note. Yes Somalia didn't compete after the opening ceremony, but it needs to be said as a fact and not a side note. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:28, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
          • Have changed the structure of this particular sentence. MWright96 (talk) 05:43, 16 August 2019 (UTC)Y
  • Also, "despite" would need rewording too per Editorializing.
    • Replaced. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y
• Somalia's NOC doesn't state their Olympic appearances - ref replacement needed
  • Replaced with Somalia's Sports Reference page. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y

Paragraph two

• I'm not sure if mentioning how many athletes and countries competed is needed as, in my opinion, it changes focus from Somalia at this Olympics to every other country and athlete.Y
• Sports reference doesn't specific Aden is a middle distance runner nor Hussein is a sprinter, just that they both competed in athletics. OR
  • Have reworded to say that the two are athletics competitors. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y
• "The group were almost entirely financed by donations from businessmen based in Sydney because of financial difficulties and the Somali Olympic Committee requested permission from the IOC to send the team to the Olympics" - seems like a run on sentence. I think the financial difficulties and permission should be two separate sentences.
  •  Done MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
• Close paraphrasing in the businessmen sentence that I don't think passes WP:LIMITED especially the word order of "almost entirely financed"
  • Reworded. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
    • Almost fixed. The "donations from Somali businessmen" would need a slight tweak as it matches the word order. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:18, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
      • Undertaken a second rewording. MWright96 (talk) 20:08, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y
  • I don't think the businessmen who donated were from Sydney. "local businessmen" seems to suggest Somalia but the paragraph underneath in the rediff source says the IOC paid for the majority of the airfare.Y
    • Clarified. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
      • " ruling body paid for the team's air travel to Sydney." yes, but not all. They paid for 8 out of 10 tickets --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:13, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
        • Clarified. MWright96 (talk) 19:50, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y
• Close paraphrasing in the permission sentence. I'm not as concerned as the above businessmen as the majority of the sentence can't be worded (SOC, IOC, permission). If this sentence's word order was swapped to avoid matching the rediff source, it'd be better in my opinion.
  •  Done MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
    • Very well done with summarizing this part. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:18, 15 August 2019 (UTC)

Athletics

Paragraph one

• "Aden was the sole Somali athlete to qualify for the Olympics because no other competitor had the opportunity to travel outside of the country during 2000 to participate and record a time at a major competition". - Run on sentence. Suggestion to split into two sentences and trim "to travel outside of the country during 2000 to participate" part.
  • Have reworded and hopefully it is an improvement on the previous version. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
    • Sounds better with the semicolon Y
  • Also very close paraphrasing especially with the word order qualify, travel abroad, earn qualifying time.
    •  Done MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
      • Still more work needed with paraphasing in the "no other competitor could travel outside of the country to record a time at a major competition" per word order. Some more summarizing needed. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:21, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
        • My second rewording of the sentence should make it a little less wordy this time round. MWright96 (talk) 20:08, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
        • You're getting there. The words are fine but the word order itself is too similar per the example underneath WP:LIMITED. If you could perhaps reorder this sentence, it'd be fine. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:32, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
          • Had another change of wording of the sentence. MWright96 (talk) 05:43, 16 August 2019 (UTC)
            • Per the comments below in the overall section, this sentence's structure was changed and greatly different than the source.Y
• I think the wording of Aden's heat placing, overall placing, and elimination makes it sounds like he was eliminated cause he was 0.58 seconds behind the slowest person overall, and not his heat race
  • Example, Medhi Baala finished in 3:40:35, .02 seconds after Aden in a different heat but still qualified.
  • Clarified. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y

Paragraph two

• "first and only Summer Olympiad" - sounds WP:CRYSTAL with "only" - yes it was her first Olympics and she hasn't comepeted as of 2019, but she could compete in future years.
  • Removed "and only" from the sentence. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y
• As the flagbearer sports reference page doesn't say Hussein's name specifically, I recommend bundling the two sports reference citations together to show that she competed in 2000 and was the first woman for Somalia.
  •  Done MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
• How did Hussein enter the Olympics if she didn't qualify for the Olympics?
  • This is not explicitly stated in any of the sources I found. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
    • Okay. If there's no source to say why, then it's fine, though I am curious though.Y
• Per the Aden heat placing above, "slowest runner" should be reworded to state slowest runner to qualify in her heat, not overall
  • Needs to be adjusted as Aden was corrected but not Hussein. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 17:57, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y
• Note to self: need to verify Newsweek statement - For some reason, I was not able to find the Newsweek article via Gale (despite having December 12, 1994 onwards full text coverage). In any sense, I found a copy here. If there's a discrepancy between the gale copy (which i don't have) and the online copy per below, let me know and i'll request the gale version via Resource Exchange.
  • Fixed. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y
  • "with Hussein's own father rejecting her for a period over fears that it would prevent her from finding a husband. However, they reconciled prior to the Games and allowed her to compete in Sydney with his consent." - two issues with this statement from Newsweek. 1) her father didn't reject her for awhile, he rejected her plan for going to the Olympics. 2) Hussein and her father did not reunite/reconcile before the olympics. Newsweek only says her father didn't like the idea at first, but later allowed her to compete.
    • Both have been fixed but seems like a long sentence for grammar because of the previous sentence with the perception of women in Soamlia. perhaps break them up into two parts? --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 17:57, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
      •  Done MWright96 (talk) 19:46, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
        • Same issue with "though" per editorializing. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:36, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
          • Replaced the aforementioned word with "Nevertheless". MWright96 (talk) 05:43, 16 August 2019 (UTC)Y
• Minor correction: Hussein was 20.15 seconds, not 20.10 seconds slower than the last qualifier. Lee Naylor qualified with 53.10 as Hussein finished with 1:13:25.
  • Fixed. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)Y

Other stuff I should mention but does not effect GA review

• There are sea of blue instances in the lead and background for Aden and Hussein.Y

Overall

This article has some issues, some minor and some major. For minor issues, there are a few grammar issues and netural/words to watch issues. Similarly, there is a little bit out of scope (medalists in the 1500 mens event) and too much detail (number of countries/athletes). One of the main issues are the close paraphrasing - some of which could pass WP:LIMITED but one part i feel would not. Another big issue is the unverified statements, whether it be the specific wording of the sources or the sources not matching the statement at all (e.g. middle distance runner for Aden). As most of the issues seem like quick fixes, with others being like they could be fixed with some work, I'm willing to put this on hold for a week and see from there. Feel free to comment in this review which ones you've gone through and if you have any additional comments on any of the points above.

--MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:15, 14 August 2019 (UTC)

• • @MrLinkinPark333: Have made changes were possible. Let me know if there are any outstanding issues. MWright96 (talk) 17:12, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
    • @MWright96: Well done for the amount of work done in just one day. There's only a handful of issues leftover that I'm seeing now: athletic classes in the lead statement, weasel word with "although" in the first paragraph of background, airfare, Hussein and her father grammar, and Hussein being slower than all of the qualifiers in her heat. These four three i added today as i only spotted them now. I'll also have to double check the fixes that were made to the close paraphrasing parts. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:05, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
      • @MrLinkinPark333: I have seen the second round of comments of what requires changing and the alterations I've made should be up to the required standard. MWright96 (talk) 20:08, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
        • @MWright96: You're almost there. There's editorializing parts (one of which I accidentally mislabeled as weasel word) and a word order issue per WP:LIMITED. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:33, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
          • @MrLinkinPark333: The editorializing words have been removed and the wording of the sentence that required attention should be less of a WP:LIMITED violation. 05:43, 16 August 2019 (UTC)
            • @MWright96: Editorializing removal was ticked. I'm not 100% sure about the Aden being the only qualifier satisfying WP:Limited. I could ask for a second opinion if you wish? This is the only point left. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 23:43, 16 August 2019 (UTC)
              • @MrLinkinPark333: I've had another go at rewording the sentence in question. MWright96 (talk) 06:50, 17 August 2019 (UTC)
• @MWright96: I guess i should be more clearer. The words themselves aren't the problem, they "follow the same pattern and order as the source material." per limited. Currently it matches the source sentence structure: 1) Aden only qualified, 2) no other competitor could travel outside of Somalia to qualify. If you changed the sentence structure to not match how it's said via the source, then that's all that's needed I think. To be fair, you've reworded this sentence so many times, I'm not even sure whether it's actually fine or not. Thank you for your persistent editing for this part. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 22:14, 17 August 2019 (UTC)
  •  Done MWright96 (talk) 06:06, 18 August 2019 (UTC)
    • I think that's fine now. It's very different from the source and does not follow the word structure. I think that's it. Y --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 17:46, 18 August 2019 (UTC)
      • @MWright96: Oh one last thing. "consented" seems like a creative word (to me) as it matches the source material. If this was switched to a synonym, then I'll end the review. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 18:48, 18 August 2019 (UTC)
        • @MrLinkinPark333: Changed that word to "allowed". MWright96 (talk) 19:23, 18 August 2019 (UTC)Y
          • @MWright96: Alright. This is ticked off and I can pass this article. Well done for the amount of work you've done in this article! --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 19:24, 18 August 2019 (UTC)