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Talk:Slime (Dragon Quest)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: JDC808 (talk · contribs) 16:26, 6 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • "Originally inspired by the game Wizardry to be a weak and common monster for the Dragon Quest video game," Put video game before Dragon Quest.
  • "The characters popularity" -> "The character's popularity"
  • "protagonist of its own video game series." Is there a series article this could be linked to? If not, reword it to "protagonist of three Dragon Quest games." or however many its the protagonist of.

Character design

  • There's redundancy in the quote. "I was really hooked on 'Wizardy,' the PC game, and that's kind of where I got the inspiration for the Slime. There's...slime-looking characters [in 'Wizardry'], so I got the inspiration from it." Replace both strikes with elipses (...).
  • Last sentence, replace "He had" with "Horii". It's kind of confusing who "He" is until you get to the second half of the sentence.

Attributes

  • A couple of the long explanations in parenthesis for the different slimes could be trimmed.
  • Later on, this sentence "Friendly slimes would usually". Remove "would".

Appearances

  • "It made its first appearance" -> "The Slime made its first appearance"
  • Later in that same sentence, italicize Dragon Quest, and instead of games, change it to titles, or installments, or releases. Just something different so game isn't in the same sentence twice.
  • "it is an easy to recruit monster" -> "the monster is an easy recruit"
  • I have no idea what "Poof" does. Either a.) "learns a variety of indirect effect spells such as Poof," eliminate it, or b.) give a very brief example of what Poof does in parenthesis.
  • "The Slime is also the protagonist of its own spinoff games, Slime MoriMori Dragon Quest" Put "beginning with" or "which began with" before the title of the game.
  • "It was followed by Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime, which was released worldwide, for the Nintendo DS." Remove comma after worldwide.
  • The infobox at the bottom of the page has a third slime game, but it's not listed here.
  • "These games follow a nation of slimes who are intelligent, and civilized," Remove comma after intelligent.

Influences and analysis

  • "Some have seen the slime" Who is "some"? Reviewers?
  • Second sentence, italicize Dragon Quest.
  • Next sentence, "it's easy to beat," -> "how its easy to defeat"
  • Same sentence, italicize Dragon Quest.
  • Next sentence, GamesRadar is one word.
  • Same sentence, italicize Dragon Quest.
  • Same sentence, "exposed players to slimes many times over, and a positive association was created by their familiarity." -> "exposed players to an abundance of slimes, but a positive association was created by their familiarity." OR if "many times over" is used in the source, just quote that.
  • "but "simple" so it is accessible to anyone." -> "but "simple", being accessible to anyone."

Cultural impact

  • Merchandise
    • First sentence, space issue "inDragon"
    • "It now has their own" -> "It now has its own"
    • Italicize the name of the boardgame instead of quotes.
  • Reception
    • In the sentence beginning with GamesRadar, there's a beginning quotation mark, but no end quotation. Where does the quote end?
    • Throughout the article make sure you're consistent on where "Slime" should be capitalized, as well as italicizing game titles.
    • I'll check sources when the above is done. --JDC808 ♫ 18:02, 6 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the through review so far! I fixed everything you found, and created a new section and sentence. I am no clear on what to do about the word slime though, when to capitalize it. From the interview, the creator refers to "Slime" the character, but multiple "slimes" are usually lowercase. Does that sound right? Judgesurreal777 (talk) 02:54, 8 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Yeah, that sounds right, I've went through and done some minor copy-editing (a couple things I missed in above review) and I think I got the correct usage of when to capitalize it. If you think I might have incorrectly capitalized some, feel free to change it. New section is good. I took away the parenthesis of the descriptions of slimes. I also took care of overlinking (Dragon Quest was linked a lot) and provided some wikilinks for better understanding. --JDC808 ♫ 04:40, 8 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Sources GA reviews don't require extensive source reviews, so I'm not gonna check every source to make sure the info is correct. I'll leave that to FAC if you take it there, but I trust you've taken care of that. I'll just check format.

  • With a handy quick tool, I went ahead and made date formats consistent. I did month/day/year (e.g January 1, 2013), unless you prefer a different format.
  • I assume you're using cite web for all of your online sources? If so, make sure the work and publisher (aka owner) fields are filled out. The owner can be found on the work's Wikipedia page (e.g. IGN's owner is J2 Global). If it's independent, only put the publisher field. If there's not a Wikipedia page, look at the bottom of the source's page for the copy-right symbol and put that company name.
  • Ref #1: Mtv -> MTV.
  • Ref #3: there should be a space between "(2004).Dragon" --space after period
  • Ref #9: Games Radar one word
  • Ref #12: Gamespy -> GameSpy
  • Ref #13: Gamesradar -> GamesRadar
  • Ref #16: link Amazon.com, and if you can find another source, that would be better (because it's a shop).
  • It's not required and you can do this whenever, but archiving all of the online sources would be best. Some are already archived. --JDC808 ♫ 04:40, 8 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, publishers should all be there, and I replaced the amazon link with a news article. Also, I found the article had three dead links I replaced, and in the process expanded the merchandise section. Let me know if there is anything else! Judgesurreal777 (talk) 01:40, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good. There's just a few minor things. Ref #4, 7, and 14, the publisher and work are exactly the same. When this is the case, you only need the publisher. Ref# 8, 12, 20, and 21, GamesRadar publisher is Future plc. Ref# 13 and 17, capitalize Joystiq. Ref# 5, wikilink Game Revolution. --JDC808 ♫ 01:55, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ok all set! Anything else? Judgesurreal777 (talk) 02:34, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Verdict

[edit]
GA review
(see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose):
    b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):
    b (citations to reliable sources):
    c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):
    b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
    b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

Overall:
Pass/Fail:

· · ·

Great job. This is a nice article. --JDC808 ♫ 02:49, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

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