Talk:Shoshin/GA1

GA Review

Unsuccessful. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 07:12, 20 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Lee Vilenski (talk · contribs) 21:21, 16 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I am planning on reviewing this article for GA Status, over the next couple of days. Thank you for nominating the article for GA status. I hope I will learn some new information, and that my feedback is helpful.

If nominators or editors could refrain from updating the particular section that I am updating until it is complete, I would appreciate it to remove a edit conflict. Please address concerns in the section that has been completed above (If I've raised concerns up to references, feel free to comment on things like the lede.)

I generally provide an overview of things I read through the article on a first glance. Then do a thorough sweep of the article after the feedback is addressed. After this, I will present the pass/failure. I may use strikethrough tags when concerns are met. Even if something is obvious why my concern is met, please leave a message as courtesy.

Best of luck! you can also use the {{done}} tag to state when something is addressed. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)}

Please let me know after the review is done, if you were happy with the review! Obviously this is regarding the article's quality, however, I want to be happy and civil to all, so let me know if I have done a good job, regardless of the article's outcome.

Links

Prose

Lede

studying a subject - studying has to be on a subject, so no need for "a subject". Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 18:06, 18 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]
The practice of shoshin acts as a counter to the hubris and closed-mindedness often associated with thinking that oneself is an expert[2] which includes the Einstellung effect, where a person becomes so accustomed to a certain way of doing things that they do not consider or acknowledge new ideas or approaches.[ - this is a very long sentence Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 18:06, 18 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]
The phrase "beginner's mind" is a translation of the word shoshin - the first sentence already says this. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 18:06, 18 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]
The lede doesn't seem to mention anything other than what it is. Nothing about how it was founded, where it is practiced, how it is learned. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 18:06, 18 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

General

Did nothing happen at all from 1300-1970? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 18:12, 18 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Noh, Japanese playwright Zeami in 1424[11][10 - there is some missing punctuation in here somewhere. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 18:12, 18 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Shoshin wasuru bekarazu (or sometimes variously Shoshin wo wasuru bekarazu[10]) is a Japanese proverb about shoshin coined by the founder of Noh, Japanese playwright Zeami in 1424[11][10] which is typically translated into English as some variation of "never forget the beginner's mind"[12][13] or "never forget your original intent"[10] and persists as a common proverb amongst practitioners of Budō[13] and in Japanese business and entrepreneurship. - this is somehow all one sentence. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 18:12, 18 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]
It is also used or proposed as a way of general living[23] or a way to approach specific fields of life including social work,[24] medical care,[25] teaching,[26] computer programming,[27] gardening,[28] sports,[29] and dealing with chronic diseases such as phenylketonuria - by who? I feel like we need to know more about what people are using this for gardening. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 18:12, 18 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Like the lede, the body doesn't seem to cover quite a lot of information that we'd need for WP:BROAD. It certainly doesn't cover anything about it being taught, nor about anyone critically describing it. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 18:12, 18 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Review meta comments

I'll begin the review as soon as I can! If you fancy returning the favour, I have a list of nominations for review at WP:GAN and WP:FAC, respectively. I'd be very grateful if you were to complete one of these if you get time. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 21:21, 16 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Lee Vilenski: I know this is bad timing but I’m in the hospital and will be for a few days. The medicine they have me on, along with the fact that I only have my phone means making anything more than very simple edits isn’t feasible right now. I’m not even sure I can handle the formatting and rewording issues above because the medicine makes it hard to focus, so addressing the BROAD issue is out of the question I’m afraid, at least for the next few days. I don’t know if that means this needs to be failed and I can work on it later, and I’m sorry this was bad timing, but I saw the message on my talk page and wanted to let you know what was going on. - Aoidh (talk) 12:37, 19 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Aoidh, of course. Health is much more important than Wikipedia. My suggestion (if it's ok with you), would be to fail this right now (as the changes aren't going to happen), but with the previso that when you have made the changes I'm happy to take a look and complete a second GAN (drop me a ping). All of the above notes will be live as always to check through. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 15:50, 19 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Yes let’s do that then, and once I’m able to I’ll look into filling out the history and other sections Aoidh (talk) 23:48, 19 October 2022 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.