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GA Review

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Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 07:17, 9 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]


I'll take a look over this. Harrias talk 07:17, 9 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Referencing

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  • The referencing format is inconsistent, and often lacking information. I haven't gone through it all, but a few quick examples:
    • Ref #2, "Vikings QB Sam Bradford was an all-everything athlete until football won out" is missing author details.
    • Ref #4, "BOYS ALL-STATE ROSTER" should not use all-caps for the title; use title case instead.
    • Ref #5, "14 Sam Bradford" is a dead link, the website returns a 404 "not found" error.
    • Ref #6, "Maisel, Ivan (November 30, 2007)" lists "ES-28PN" as the publisher, where it should just be "ESPN"
    • Ref #7, "Sam Bradford: All-American everything" is missing author details and date of publication.
    • Ref #16, "2007 Oklahoma Sooners Roster" has no details at all other than the title; it needs at least a publisher and access date.
  • The work/publisher is very inconsistent throughout. For some sources, the website address is listed as a work, such as "newsok.com" or "philly.com". On others, this is listed, but as a publisher, such as "Scout.com", while other times a full newspaper name is given, such as "New York Times" or "St. Louis Post-Dispatch". Be consistent.

There are 165 references cited in this article, and I have glanced at less than 10% of them. I'm going to put this on hold for seven days; go through every reference and make sure that it includes all relevant details, and that all the references are consistently formatted. Once this is done, I will continue with a prose review of the article. Harrias talk 07:26, 9 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • The following references are missing several details:
    • Ref #39
    • Ref #46
    • Ref #47
    • Ref #48
    • Refs #50 – #60
    • Ref #62 – #64
    • Ref #66

Prose

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Early years

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  • Wikilink baseball on first use, not second.
  • High school football doesn't need linking twice.
  • Provide a wikilink to explain "threw for 2,029 yards" and wikilink touchdowns.
  • What is an "All-State Team", and what does "Second-Team All-State pick" mean?
  • Wikilink basketball on first use, not second.
  • Provide wikilinks for points and rebounds.
  • Wikilink golf on first use, not second.
  • What sort of hockey did he play? This is not made clear in the article.
  • What is a "travel team"?
  • "In the spring of 2005, by the end of Bradford's junior season, he garnered interest from several Division I programs.." For all of the sports, or just football?
  • Explain "two-to-three-star recruit": out of what? 5, 10, 100?

College career

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  • What does "redshirted" mean?
  • Is "passing for X yards" the same as "throwing for X yards"?
  • What are interceptions?
  • Give a brief explanation of what the Heisman Trophy is for.
  • "24-14" Should be an endash: "24–14"
  • "8-5 record" Again, should be an endash. Also explain, or wikilink to explain what this means.
  • Hold on, I'm confused. Why does the first paragraph of this section cover what is then repeated in the following sections? Is this like a mini-lead for the section? This isn't part of Wikipedia's MOS, and should be removed.

More

  • Is "completed 21 of 23 attempts for 363 yards" passing attempts? This should be made clear this first time the phrase is used.
  • "18 came in the first half and four" Per MOS:NUM, comparable numbers should be written in the same form: either 18 and 4 or eighteen and four.
  • "was named the national offensive player of the week" Beating all those NFL players too? Or is this a college only award? That should be made clear.
  • "..suffered a concussion of unknown severity." I'm not sure that "of unknown severity" is necessary here.
  • "..against Oklahoma State on November 24." For clarity maybe replace "on November 24" with "a week later"
  • "During the November 24, 2007 game against the Oklahoma State Cowboys.." As this is the same game that was just mentioned, merge the paragraphs and rewrite as "During that game.."
  • "It was Bradford's first Bowl Championship Series game as a starter." As a reference for this.
  • "In week 8 of the following season against Kansas.." Excessive detail, we don't need to know which week it happened in; telling us that it is the following season is sufficient.
  • What is the Heisman Trophy awarded for?
  • I would remove the 2008 Heisman Trophy Finalist Voting table; it is already covered in the prose, and adds nothing.
  • "Bradford is the third Oklahoma Sooner to win the award, joining Josh Heupel (2000) and Jason White (2003). Heupel and White were also quarterbacks, with Heupel being the current quarterbacks coach for Oklahoma." This needs referencing.
  • "Bradford was originally scheduled to return in about three to six weeks,[40] but head coach Bob Stoops initially refused to either confirm or deny that timetable." Excessive detail, remove.

Professional career

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  • Use {{cvt}} for his height and weight in the text: "6 ft 4.25 in (1.94 m) and 236 lb (107 kg), about 15 lb (6.8 kg) above.."
  • "On March 19, Bradford met with St. Louis Rams general manager.." I think it would help to clarify here that the Rams held the first pick.
  • Put N/A in the empty cells in his measurables.
  • What is a "pocket technique"?
  • "On July 30, 2010, Bradford signed a six-year, $78 million deal, which has $50 million of guarantees and has a maximum value of $86 million making it the largest contract ever for an NFL rookie." Change the tense here; the contract has expired, so it should be in past tense. Merge this single-sentence paragraph with either the one before or after it. (Before probably works better.)
  • "..Bradford bounced back in a big way against.." Not encyclopaedic language.
  • "He competed for the starting quarterback position with Feeley and on September 4, Bradford was named the starting quarterback for the 2010 season opener." Again, look to merge this with the paragraph after to avoid a single-sentence paragraph.
  • "completed 32/55" Write this out as "32 of 55".
  • "..over the Seahawks, 20-3." The score needs an endash, rather than a hyphen.
  • "Bradford went 3-2.." As above: endash please.
  • "Bradford went 3-2 as a starter in October, passing for 1,019 yards and 7 touchdowns against 3 interceptions. He was named the NFL's offensive rookie of the month." Reference please.
  • "He capped November by becoming the first rookie quarterback to win two consecutive Offensive Rookie of the Month awards." Reference please.
  • "He was named to the PFWA All-Rookie Team, becoming the 5th Rams quarterback to claim this award, joining Neil Lomax (1981), Dieter Brock (1985), Jim Everett (1986), & Tony Banks." Reference please.
  • "After going 4-0.." Endash please.
  • "..regular season rolled around injuries.." "rolled around" is not encyclopaedic language.
  • "The Rams weren't expected.." "were not".
  • "However, during the Rams Week 7 game against the Carolina Panthers.." Add an apostrophe to Rams.
  • Link ACL.
  • "and a Thanksgiving Day game against Detroit" Missing a full-stop.
  • "..Bradford would go 7-7.." Endash please.
  • "Before week 9, Bradford has been.." For consistency, capitalise "week" here (though I would rather they were all lower-case to be honest.) Also, change "has" to "had".
  • "..but Eagles coach Chip Kelly would not bench him, but.." Avoid the repetition of "but"; the second one could become "and".
  • "..while Chase Daniel educates.." Switch "educates" to "educated".
  • "15 days after being traded.." Don't start a sentence with a digit: "Fifteen days.."
  • "Despite not having much time to learn the offense, Bradford ended up hurting his left hand.." This construction makes it sound like he hurt his left hand despite not having much time to learn the offense, but the two things seem unrelated? It might work if the sentences were split differently: "Fifteen days after being traded, Bradford made his first start for the Vikings in Week 2 against the Green Bay Packers, despite not having much time to learn the offense. Bradford ended up hurting his left hand in the first half due to a hit by Clay Matthews."
  • "..22-of-31.." No need for the hyphens.
  • "..a 17-7 lead.." and "..in a 22-10 win.." Endashes please.
  • "During a game against the Detroit Lions, Bradford threw a pass which was batted into the air by Lions defensive tackle Tyrunn Walker. After which, Bradford caught the ball and ran towards the sideline, gaining five yards in the process." Reference please.
  • "..27-of-32.." No need for the hyphens.
  • Wikilink injured reserve to a relevant article.
  • Has Bradford retired, is he active anywhere now? Make this clear in the body of the article.
  • The statistics table needs a reference, and an explanation of what the bold text signifies.
  • "Single-season pass yards per game (266.1, 2015 season) (Later broken by Carson Wentz in 2018)." Needs a reference.
  • All three Minnesota Vikings records need references.
  • "..and was also a basketball player in high school." This has been mentioned in the relevant section, and can be removed from here.
  • Try to blend the single-sentence paragraphs in the Personal life section together.
  • Worth adding his wife and that he has a child?

Summary comments

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  • There is a lot of jargon which is not explained or wikilinked. Make sure that on the first mention of any jargon, there is an explanation or wikilink provided.
  • Conversely, a lot of wikilinks are duplicated: consider installing User:Evad37/duplinks-alt which will highlight them for you, then you can remove all but the first instance of each link.

I'll come back to a detailed prose review later. Harrias talk 10:30, 12 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Lucky7jrk: Please see the comments above. @Harrias: could you ping Lucky7jrk for subsequent comments? It doesn't appear they have this page on their watchlist. Eagles 24/7 (C) 19:46, 21 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Lucky7jrk: @Harrias: What is the status of this review? Eagles 24/7 (C) 18:15, 31 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Eagles247: I responded to their comments over a week ago, and they have yet to come back with a more detailed prose review. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Lucky7jrk (talk • contribs) 20:12, 31 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Eagles247 and Lucky7jrk: The summary comments remain unresolved, over three weeks after I raised them. I'll leave this open for a few more days in the hope they are addressed, but if not, I will have to close it. Harrias talk 08:57, 6 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Harrias: I've addressed the summary comments now. Lucky7jrk (talk) 16:47, 6 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Lucky7jrk: I have added more prose comments. Harrias talk 10:02, 14 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Harrias: I've addressed the comments. Lucky7jrk (talk) 20:42, 14 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, this is looking pretty good. I want to have one last read through the whole thing, and then hopefully we can wrap this up. I've got a few things on today and tomorrow, so it might be Friday before I can do this, but I will aim to do it ASAP. Harrias talk 12:00, 16 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments

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  • The lead needs a bit of expansion to bring the second paragraph up to the present day, it finishes sounding as though he still plays with the Vikings.
  • The lead also needs some links adding for the jargon, like has been done in the main body.
  • The article still needs to explain, either through a wikilink, a footnote or an inline description, what a "pocket technique" is.

@Lucky7jrk: Pretty much there. Just these relatively minor points, and then we're done I reckon. Harrias talk 07:46, 18 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]

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