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Talk:Robert Logan (naval architect)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 15:28, 25 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Am reviewing for the GAN October 2020 Backlog Drive. MWright96 (talk) 15:28, 25 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Images

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  • Image 3 Caption: "Sinking of Pere Marquette #18 in 1910 and coming to the rescue is Pere Marquette #17 in the background." - hashes are discouraged per MOS:HASH


Lead

[edit]
  • "His first ones were passenger cruise excursion boats. He later constructed freighter ships for the American Shipbuilding Company that carried railroad trains across Lake Michigan." - consider merging these two sentences together


  • "He designed the world's first steel train ferry. This was followed by several more Logan boats that ultimately developed into the world's largest carferry fleet that operated out of Ludington, Michigan." - Logan designed the world's first first steel train ferry, followed by


Early life

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  • "Logan was born in Glasgow, Scotland, March 14, 1861." - Scotland, on March 14, 1861.


  • Who were Logan's parents and did he have any siblings?


Mid life and career

[edit]
  • "Logan became chief draftsman for the shipbuilding firm of Mansell and Aiken in Glasgow after college graduation." - after graduating from college.


  • "Logan immigrated to Canada in June 1888" - think emigrated is meant here


  • "One of the steamships he was involved with on its construction was the SS Manitoba built in 1888–89." - he was involved in constructing was the SS Manitoba from 1888 to 1889.


  • "This passenger steel ship was 320-foot (98 m) long and one of the first large metal ones built in Canada." - 320 feet (98 m) long and one of the first large metal vessels to be constructed in Canada.


  • Wikilink Lake Michigan on the first mention only


  • "The S S City of Saginaw 31 (1929) and the S S City of Flint 32 (1930) as part of the fleet were there also on that date as sisterships added later after Logan's death." - this sentence could be rewritten to make it more understandable


  • "These later vessels constructed were patterned after his boat designs." - These subsequent vessels that were constructed were patterned after his boat designs.

Logan boats

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  • All the measurements such as pounds, feet, gross tons, horsepower ahd miles per hour should be inserted into the convert template


  • "ordered in the late nineteenth century train transport carferries to be constructed" - the construction of train transport carferries


  • Lake Michigan doesn't need to be linked here


  • "The name change which involved both the name with its number wasn't actually done until 1924." - the word indicated in bold should be written out as was not to avoid violating MOS:CONTRACTION


  • "The system started with the number 15. At that time there was already an order for a new all-steel ferry that was placed with Logan in 1895. This boat while in construction had been referred to as the No. 15 as it was the first in a series of boats designed by Logan and the new numbering system started with 15." - there is no need to mention the beginning of the new numbering system twice when it has already been mentioned in the previous paragraph


  • "This steamship was an upgraded version from the previous Logan boat. The steel craft was 338 feet long, 56 feet wide, and had a depth of 19.5 feet to the main deck." - these two sentences are better off merged together


  • "This steamship was constructed with extra strength metal parts and lavish luxury accommodations. It had triple expansion engines powered by four boilers like those on the modern Scottish ships at the time"- same query as above


  • "The transport ship could carry thirty standard railroad freight cars on its four-track internal platform. It had luxury passenger staterooms with better facilities than the first Logan launch." - consider merging these two sentences


  • Wikilink boiler to the relevant article


  • "per square inch of steam pressure giving 2,300 horsepower." - producing


  • "She was christened by Miss Beatrice Logan," - don't use the honorary prefix Miss per MOS:MISS


  • "the daughter of Robert Logan, the design engineer of the all-steel vessel." - who was the design engineer of the all-steel vessel.


  • "Flint & Pere Marquette Railway superintendent William L. Mercereau authorized Logan's all steel transport cost of $400,000." - the text in bold should be written out in its acyronyms


  • "The entire hull had inch thick steel shell plates. They were doubled for 75 feet from the keel to a line three feet above the water line as extra protection against ice." - I think these two sentences should be merged as one


  • "It was claimed to be one of the fastest boats on Lake Michigan." - claimed by whom?


  • "The first No. 18 sank to the bottom of Lake Michigan with 31 people perishing out of its 64 crew members." - 31 out of the 64 crew members dying. per MOS:EUPHEMISM


  • "A second No. 18 was built in 1911." - second No. 18 ferry was

Personal life

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  • "He married a Miss Eliza Boyd in Scotland in 1883." - married Eliza Boyd in Scotland in 1883.


  • "At the time of his death he was survived by three daughters; Mr. B. R. Pearse, Mrs. Alton A. Smith, and Mrs. H. E. Gaines." - Again the honorary prefixes of Mr. and Mrs. should not be used


  • "At the time of his death he was survived by three daughters;" - the semi-colon is better off replaced by a comma


  • "Logan also had two sisters living at the time in Scotland." - He had two sisters residing in Scotland at that time.


References

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  • It should be mentioned that References 1, 5, 6, 7, 9, 14, 15, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 and 23 should all include Newspapers.com in the via= field


  • The title of Reference 6 and the page number are incorrect and the author is stated but missing from the template


  • References 8 and 10 are missing the page numbers


  • Reference 11 looks like it is missing the publication date


  • Reference 12 title: "This and That from History" - the word in bold should be 'n'" per source


  • Reference 21's page number is 6A not 7


Will put the review on hold to allow the nominator to address or query the suggestions raised above. MWright96 (talk) 18:19, 25 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer should have given closer attention to the items in §Sources. For example, this one. I note these issues:
  • The short-form citation calls out page 309; the google url in the citation links to someplace in the source that is labeled as page 30.
  • It is presumed that the citation is to Logan's obituary where no author is named so |last=Naval Architects is improper
  • The title of the source is Transactions of The Society of Naval Architects and Marine Engineers 1918 not Society of Naval Architects which is the publisher
So, for the example, it would be better to write:
{{cite book |section=Obituaries |title=Transactions of The Society of Naval Architects and Marine Engineers 1918 |url=https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=njp.32101050820032&view=1up&seq=353|date=1919 |location=New York |publisher=Society of Naval Architects |page=309 |ref={{sfnref|Naval Architects|1919}}}}
"Obituaries". Transactions of The Society of Naval Architects and Marine Engineers 1918. New York: Society of Naval Architects. 1919. p. 309.
It took me about an hour to noodle all this out. The purpose of citations is to point readers to the source that supports the en.wiki article; not to send them on a treasure hunt.
I haven't looked closely but the other two citations in §Sources need similar revision.
—Trappist the monk (talk) 13:41, 27 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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