Talk:Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 00:45, 3 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Can we fill in the "n.a." in File:Rachel jack and ashley too black mirror.jpg?
"is a clone of Ashley O" well, it's a clone of her personality (or brain) in a six inch robotic toy...
- Yeah, "a clone of Ashley O's personality" is good. — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"personality is modelled on " isn't it deeper than that?
- Something like this?: For her fifteenth birthday, Rachel receives Ashley Too (Miley Cyrus), an artificial intelligence (AI) robot doll of her favourite pop star Ashley O. — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"the doll overhears" is it worth that the doll is "reactivated" when overhearing a news report on whether Ashley will "wake up"? It's very "Alexa..."
- It's a word count thing. I was eliding an important detail which I've now added: Jack returns Ashley Too to Rachel, who chooses not to use it, and six months later, the doll is reactivated by a news report on Ashley O's coma and malfunctions. — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"stunning the first with Kevin's mouse stunner" stun on repeat...
- Yep, and I've cut a few words in the process to make room for the point above: ... by using Kevin's mouse stunner and a syringe of medication. — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"when the police order them to" -> "when ordered to do so by the police"
- when ordered to by the police to save a cheeky two words. — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Don't you normally have a sentence in the main part of each article about it being an anthology series and hence viewed in any order etc?
- Yep, added. — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Maybe merge "filming took place in Cape Town, South Africa.[10] Filming went ahead six days per week for five weeks.["" -> "filming took place in Cape Town, South Africa,[10] taking place six days per week for five weeks.[""?
- Yep, but "filming went ahead in Cape Town" to avoid repetition of "took place". — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"informed" feels a little over-used, maybe switch one out for "inspired" or something else?
- Changed to "inspired aspects of" in one case (none of them are inspiring the whole thing, just one of the factors). — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Is "spinned" right? Not spun?
- "Spun" is right, a weird oversight in my vocabulary. — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"was filmed in ... of filming" repetitive.
""compared Miley Cyrus's real"" no need to repeat her first name.
Our article seems to suggest FreeBritney was one word.
- Only when used as a hashtag, I think, and at least the Variety source here thinks "Free Britney" as the name of the movement is fine. — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Kesha and her former producer Dr. Luke" links?
Furbie->Furby.
- Huh, that one's a mistake from the original source. "Furby" is singular and "Furbies" is plural, I guess. — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Miley Cyrus received acclaim" no need for Miley.
23th -> 23rd.
- That's what you get for copy-pasting. — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Ref 24 has spaced hyphen, should be en-dash.

That's it, nothing serious. On hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 21:51, 4 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Great, all fixed. And so marks the end of the episode articles, at least for now—I'd guess there's a one-in-four chance the show will ever come back—but I'll let you know when Black Mirror itself is up for GA if you're interested. (And in a nice chance occurrence, it's two years to the day since the episode first aired. This fifth one was the only series I watched all in one day, I think, and the article has come a fair way since how it looked at the end of that first day.) — Bilorv (talk) 00:37, 5 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

All good, happy to promote and of course I'd be delighted to help in any way with the main article and subsequent topic, just let me know. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 08:48, 7 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]