Talk:Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: AdrianGamer (talk · contribs) 03:03, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

It was been re-released on PlayStation 3 alongside its two sequels. - you don't need "been" there
Mechner served as creative consultant, designer, and scenario writer. - The original Prince of Persia, or The Sands of Time?
he needed to work hard to create an appealing yet simple narrative that worked with the pace of gameplay - Can be rephrased so that it can sound more neutral
The game used Ubisoft's Jade engine, originally designed for Beyond Good & Evil, another game developed by the company. - change "developed" to "published"

Gameplay

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. - Not a complete sentence
The camera also goes out to different positions triggered by entering environments or performing actions - "goes out" is not the best word to use here. "Environments" does not sound specific enough
His health and power metre is represented in the top left-hand corner of the screen. - should be "are" instead of "is".
finding hidden magic fountains increases the Prince's health - You can increase health by only "finding" it? Do you need to do more to regain health?
During several points in the game, the Prince is assisted by his companion Farah, who will fire a bow at enemies - "fires" - present tense
Farah, who will fire a bow at enemies - "arrows" instead of "bow".
though she can also hit the Prince if he strays into her line of fire. - she can't hit the prince, her arrows can.
if she is killed, the game will end. - "ends". It is something always happening
The Prince's main contextual move is a wall run - Personal opinion, not compulsory, but I would prefer "wall-running" instead of "a wall run"
walking along beams swinging on and jumping from poles, jumping onto and between pillars, - You need a comma after "beams"
Enemies can only be killed by stabbing them with the Dagger of Time, which gathers up the Sand inside them - Should be "sands" - consistency with the lead
In combat, the Prince can also slow time immediately around him, - should be "slow down time"
while they are unable to move. - Personal opinion, not compulsory, but I prefer "respond" instead of "move"
Is the time-freezing part related to the Dagger as well?
These more powerful abilities are powered by Power Tanks. - What abilities it is referring to
The mobile version is a side-scrolling runner - should specify that it is an endless runner.
featuring simple puzzles and traps that must be avoided. - The puzzles are avoided as well?

Development

The initial concept work for The Sands of Time began development in the spring of 2001 - Change it to "The development of the initial concept work for The Sands of Time began in the second quarter of 2001. Also per WP:SEASON, season should not be used
The game was developed by Ubisoft Montreal, who were also a year into developing Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell. - Ubisoft Montreal is a company, so it should be "was" instead of "were"
Helper characters also count as a "main characters"?
Their intent was the capture the original feeling of platforming an adventure in a 3D environment. - Change it to "They intend to capture ..." - sounds simpler and easier to read
The Rewind function was suggested by Désilets - Who is Désilets? The article never mention his job post
Each time a new action was created for the Prince - should use "ability" instead of "action"
They also needed to make adjustments to the enemy and partner AI - wikilink AI to artificial intelligence, or to use "artificial intelligence" to replace "AI"
This issue was compounded by the need to produce a demo for the 2003 Electronic Entertainment Expo - wikilink Electronic Entertainment Expo 2003
Despite these problems, other parts of production including play-testing, management of creative tools, and the integrated testing system. - Not a complete sentence
the team made improvements to the engine by adding additional animations between walking and running - Change it to "by adding additional walking and running animations". It sounds simpler
They also made custom animations for the character - A full stop is needed.
gave the lightning effects a more "magical" feel - more is not necessary. Nothing is being compared to
The game used an updated version of the company's Jade Engine - Jade engine. The engine's name is Jade only
Despite this, many of the features planned for her needed to be cut - Any examples? Any explanation why it is cut?
while not being not pure Persian music - Double negative, and it hinders reading
Tracks from the game were included in an album featuring from both The Sands of Time and its two sequels - It had plenty of sequels, so which one?
the album was released by Ubisoft Entertainment - Ubisoft only, you do not need to wikilink it.
with the rest being done in Montreal. - Should specify that it was done by the developer, so it should be "Ubisoft Montreal"
To make the enemies in the game stand out, mixing an organic and evil feeling with whispering sounds, rather than using sound effects similar to zombies. - Does not sound like a complete sentence
whose performance proved popular - Should be written in passive voice, "was proven popular"
The track listing is not notable enough to be included per Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Video games/Archive 106#Soundtrack listings

Release

The sales part is something related to the reception of the game
The game was published in the region by Sony Computer Entertainment Japan, who were impressed with both the quality and the praise it earned in the west - impressed "by" instead of "with"
the PS2 version had sold 218,000, the Xbox version 128,000, and the GameCube version 85,000. - You should add "copies" by the end of that sentence
As of 2006, the game has apparently sold 700,000 units, - "apparently" is not needed

Reception

Add "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time received critical acclaim upon launch" before the first sentence
Edge is not in the review template
Whether you're a diehard Prince of Persia fan or somebody with a mild interest in action-adventures, The Sands of Time is a must own -- a soon-to-be-classic worthy of a permanent place in your collection - italicized Prince of Persia and The Sands of Time.
Official Nintendo Magazine ranked it the 86th best game available on Nintendo platforms - When?

References/Images

One of the external links is dead
No problem with the images

Overall

73.4% copyright violation, but it is not much of a problem since the only similarity between the sources and the article is the game's name

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and y:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

A great article. Really impressive job in expanding this article. It is very comprehensive, and most importantly, very interesting and engaging to read. Basically everything I mention above is just some minor issues. So, besides some incomplete sentences, the article is good to go. Feel free to raise any question and forgive me if I had made some mistakes. I am not really good at proofreading so if I introduce any grammatical errors in the review, I hope you do not mind that. AdrianGamer (talk) 06:57, 9 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@AdrianGamer:, I have addressed all the issues you raised above, and looking at the Copyvio Detector, I've also addressed a couple of the more glaring issues. Also addressed spelling errors and unintentional issues with the article's neutrality that you did not pick up. On a side note about your question on time powers, yes all time powers are associated with the dagger: without the dagger, the prince does not have access to them, but this seemed a little too detailed for a gameplay section and it only happens during a few small sections, so I left it out. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:00, 9 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

With all issues fixed, the article is good to go. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time promoted to

. Nice job. AdrianGamer (talk) 08:07, 9 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]