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GA Review

[edit]
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Reviewer: MPJ-DK (talk · contribs) 03:09, 14 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]


Alright I will be picking up the review of this one - both for the Wiki Cup and the GA cup as well.

Side note, I would love some input on a Featured List candidate (Mexican National Light Heavyweight Championship) and a Featured Article candidate (CMLL World Heavyweight Championship). I am not asking for Quid pro Quo, but all help is appreciated.  MPJ-US  03:09, 14 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

GA Toolbox

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I like to get this checked out first, I have found issues using this that has led to quick fails so it's important this passes muster.

Copyright violations Tool
  • en.gulliway.org/public/wiki/north-america/northern-america/united-states/state-of-arizona/phoenix.html is a wiki and I believe copied this article.
  • I believe myworldwebcams.com/new_year/phoenix_arizona.html actually uses Wikipedia text and thus is not a copyright violation
  • southwest.library.arizona.edu/azso/body.1_div.4.html - Identical phrase - needs to be rewritten "has the most structurally diverse flora in the United States. It includes one of the most famous species of succulents, the giant saguaro cactus."
All fixed (I changed the one sentence regarding flora into a quote, I couldn't think of a better way to state it which didn't reek of close paraphrasing). Onel5969 TT me 02:37, 20 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]


Disambiguation links
  • No issues found Green tickY
External links
  • The tool points out a large number of dead links, the reference # seems to be off because what the tool lists as #15 is actually reference #14 in the article. So check the tool to ensure the red links are fixed
  • There are 7 sourcs that come back as "likely dead"
  • Six sources with "connection issues"
  • Need to be addressed Red XN
Seem to all be fixed now. Re-ran the report and aren't getting any dead link warnings. Onel5969 TT me 19:53, 20 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Well written and general

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  • Should not have references in the lead, move the references into the body to support the statement made there - There are 9 sources.
I can do that, no issue, but I look at FA city articles, like Boston, Cleveland, Ann Arbor, Michigan, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Seattle, and Houston (among others), all of which have varying degrees of references in the lead. In fact, the only FA city article I found (looked at about a dozen) which didn't have any was Youngstown, Ohio. Let me know what you think.
  • "citrus and", needs a comma after "citrus"
Yup. I am also a firm believer in the Oxford comma.
  • "high tech" should be "high-tech"
 Done Onel5969 TT me 21:29, 20 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Early history
  • I am not sure what this sentence is trying to say "Local Akimel O'odham settlements, thought to be the descendants of the formerly urbanized Hohokam, concentrated on the Gila River."
Clarified.
  • "north-west" should be "northwest"
 Done
  • "In 1867 he saw in the Salt River Valley a potential for farming, much like that already cultivated by the military further east, near Fort McDowell." should be rewritten. something along the lines of "in 867 he was a potential for farming in the Salt River Valley, the say way that the military had cultivated FOrt McDowell further east"
 Done
  • Can you offer some context to who "Lord Darrell Duppa" is"?
 Done
  • "actually running" the word "actually" is redundant.
Removed.
  • "three village trustees as well as several other officials were selected" should be "three village trustees, as well as several other officials, were elected"
 Done
  • "connected to the Prescott" should be "connected to Prescott"
 Done
  • "connected to the Prescott" does not need the comma
Hmmm. Are you sure? Prescott Flagstaff doesn't seem correct. Onel5969 TT me 21:41, 20 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
1900 to World War II
  • "and Roosevelt himself would attend the official" should be "and Roosevelt himself attended the official"
 Done - I do have a tendency to write in the passive past tense.
  • "This occurred just six months after Taft had vetoed, in August 1911," the "In august 1911" is redundant and can be removed and nothing is lost in that sentence.
 Done
  • "his disagreement of the state constitution's" should be "disagreement with" or "disapproval of"
 Done
  • "eight years under statehood" should be "eight years of statehood"
 Done
  • "behind the dam, was virtually dry" should not have a comma
 Done
Postwar explosive growth
  • This is the first time the name Shermer is mentioned, a little context is needed.
  • "was highly attractive place" should be "was a highly attractive place"
  • The section on Shermer is reading a little skewed and unbalanced, not sure who he is but there is definitely a point of view to all his comments.
I agree. I've removed it per WP:UNDUE.
  • "Large industry, learning of this labor pool, started to move branches here." should be reworded to something along the lines of "Learning of this labor pool large industry started to move branches to Phoenix"
 Done
  • "during the period of more than thirty years from 1914 to 1946." reword to something along the line of "during the period from 1914 to 1946."
Not relevant any longer with above deletion.
  • "The city's explosive growth also had important inputs from outside of the city's boundaries. As the historian Andrew Needham has demonstrated, the air-conditioned Phoenix subdivisions relied on the coal-fired Four Corners Power Plant on Navajo lands.[34]" I am not sure of the significance of this sentence?
Not germane to the Phoenix article. Belongs in an article on the Navajo nation.
  • "became a favored tourist destination for its exotic desert setting and recreational opportunities." That is going to need a directly attributable source or it becomes nothing more than advertising.
 Done
  • "including: the", I don't think you need the colon.
 Done
  • "the city was surprisingly awarded the Phoenix Suns NBA" has a few issues
 Done - (I think)
  • Why was it surprising? a statement like that cannot stand on it's own
 Done
  • They were not awarded the Phoenix Suns - they were awarded an NBA team that was subsequently dubbed the "Phoenix Suns" - unless the team was relocated to Phoenix and was already called the "Phoenix Sun" wherever they were before?
 Done
  • "the Coliseum until 1992." can you fill in the blank of after 1992? It's kinda just dangling there.
 Done
  • Need a citation for the "Phoenix Lights" UFO sighting.
 Done Onel5969 TT me 00:14, 21 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Geography
  • "He was also concerned about children going to school in the dark, which was quite accurate." How so? a statement like that on it's own is basically patting him on the back saying "good job", it needs some sort of explanation or removal.
 Done
Climate
  • "On average (1981–2010), there are 107 days annually" should be past tense "were" since 2010 is in the past.
 Done
  • " record high daily minimum temperature" I am confused, high and minium in the same sentence?
I can see where it is confusing, I've reworded it slightly to attempt to make it clearer.
  • "coldest daily maximum" - erm... so the coldest .... no I am not sure what this means.
Again, hopefully I've made it clearer.
  • This section seems to be a big overboard logging every single day it snowed??
Snow's a big thing when it only happens every decade or so - - but I've trimmed it.
Flora and fauna
  • Simplify "Mammal species that are found around" to be "Mammal species found around"
 Done
  • "and by 2010 the Greater" needs a comma after 2000
Really? It doesn't appear to be a clause.
Demographics
  • "The 2010 Census, while showing an overall increase from the official 2000 Census showed a drop in Phoenix's population from the 2007 estimates, allowing Philadelphia to regain the fifth spot.[98]" - is that really necessary? The article is huge and anything that's not really vital could be removed, ths seems trivial in nature.
Deleted.
  • Any links or anything else to help us understand what a "Metropolitan Statistical Area" is?
 Done
  • "while 26% claim no" should be "claimed". keep it past tense to go with the previouis sentence
 Done
  • "categories actually saw" remove the word "actually"
 Done
Economy
  • "As of 2010, the top five employment categories are" should be past tense, the next sentence is also past tense
 Done
Performing arts
  • Can we do without the "formerly known as" additions? Click the link and find that out, it has no impact to Phoenix.
 Done
  • "theatres" should be "theaters" and "theatre" should be "theater"
 Done
  • "as Wells Fargo Arena and University of Phoenix Stadium." should be "as the Wells Fargo Arena and the University of Phoenix Stadium."
 Done
  • Why is "Alice" the only mention that does not have a time reference?
Fixed.
  • The part on the Phoenix Art Museum is really reading like an advertising copy.
Toned down
  • "the 19th century boarding" should be "the 19th-century boarding"
 Done
Tourism
  • "attractions to the" should be "attractions of the"
 Done
  • Terms such as "jumping off point" makes it sound like a promotional site extolling the virtues of Phoenix.
Less promotional now (hopefully)
  • "There are long list" -> "There is long list"
 Done
  • "Some of them are" should be "some of thoe are"
 Done
  • "but finally closed" remove the word "finally"
 Done
Sports
  • No source for the first paragraph, please provide one.
 Done
  • "development, and includes South Mountain Park" does not need the comma
 Done
  • "the United States, and is" again no comma
 Done
  • The Water park paragraph is totally unsourced.
Deleted - not really relevant to the city article.
Government
  • "where a strong city manager", the term "strong" is not neutral and should be removed
 Done
  • "four year" should be "four-year"
 Done
  • "The current mayor of Phoenix is Greg Stanton, a Democrat who was elected to a four-year term in 2011.", considering 4 years would mean 2015 this statement is out of date and needs to be updated
fixed - added re-election.
  • "In setting city policy and passing rules and regulations, the mayor and city council members each have equal voting power." consider revising, perhaps something along "The mayor and city council members each have equal voting power in regards to setting city policy and passing rules and regulations."
 Done
  • "with many located in the State Capitol district immediately west of downtown." this is the second time it's mentioned within that paragrap. You can strike the "immediately west of downtown" part, that's redundant.
 Done
  • "which is in the city limits" should be "which is within the city limits"
 Done
  • "This building also formerly housed" the term "Also" is a filler, it can be removed and the sentence means the same.
 Done
Crime
  • "mid 1970s" should be "mid-1970s"
 Done
  • Mayor Graham's initiative has no source, it needs one.
Searched for a source, only found his obit, which didn't mention it. Deleted.
  • "first degree" should be "first-degree"
 Done
  • "mid 1990s" should be "mid-1990s"
 Done Onel5969 TT me 03:29, 21 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • No source for the decrease in crime
 Done
  • No source for the crime statistics
 Done
  • You need to specify what year "last year" refers to
 Done
Education
  • "In addition there are 4" should be "In addition, there are 4"
 Done
  • "Some of the more notable are:" how about "Notable institutions include:"
 Done
  • The bullet list started out as a list, then turned into prose on the last two items. How about changing it from a list to prose?
 Done - Good idea
Media
  • "Many major feature films and television programs have been filmed in the city. The radio airwaves in Phoenix cater to a wide variety of musical and talk radio interests." turns a tad general and generic, can you add any details at all?
I think I have it covered. Tried to cover the major stuff, give a feel, without going too in-depth. Onel5969 TT me 04:14, 22 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Transport
  • No source for the claim "the most populated city in the U.S. without passenger Amtrak service"
Removed contentious statement - when I re-wrote the article a couple of years ago, I distinctly remember there being a source for that statement, but I wasn't that experienced, so I didn't include the reference. Now I can't find it.
*this statement "During the summer it is very difficult to wait for a bus in the heat as many of the stops have no canopies." seems more like a side note than anything actually encyclopedic.
Agreed - While a very true statement, it is definitely uncited commentary.
  • This section has a lot of differnet sub-sections, does "bicycle transportation" really need it's own section for one short paragraph?
I've rearranged it slightly. Sadly, while I agree that the bike paragraph is too short, the other sections are fairly well organized. I've changed the heading of the section to "Alternate forms of transportation", and perhaps it might be expanded, but at the moment, there aren't that many, without getting too trivial (e.g. horses, pedi-cabs, etc).
  • No source for the general sales tax.
 Done
  • Please find a neutral term for "boasting"
 Done
  • "named after Indians," Native Americans right?
The source calls them Indians, as does my wife - who is one.
  • "to west of" should be "to the west of"
 Done
Utilities
  • "nuclear generating" should be "nuclear-generating"
 Done
Healtcare
  • "to national percentage" should be "to the national percentage"
 Done
  • "Low weight" should be "Low-weight"
 Done
  • "top ranked" should be "top-ranked"
 Done
  • While it's formatted as a bullet list the first entry is written as prose, I would recommend turning it into prose instead of a list.
 Done Onel5969 TT me 13:36, 22 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sources/verifiable

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  • Some sources use one date format (2009-01-01) and others have a different one (January 1, 2009), pick one and stick with it.
 Done
  • Is bestplaces.com a reliable source?
  • Bizjournal.com - RS? -- Phoenix business magazine, yes RS
  • Arizonaexperience.org - RS? -- Yes, RS, part of the STEM education materials used by ADE (AZ Dept of Ed.)
  • Barriozona?? -- Yes, published by the Hispanic Institute of Social Issues in Phoenix, Arizona (collection held at ASU)
  • The Natural American? -- Nope, not RS - replaced
  • Access geneology? -- yes, it's the underlying source which is now correctly cited, Access genealogy is simply the weblink.
  • AZ100Years.org? -- Nope, removed.
  • Skyharbor.com? -- official website of airport, yes RS
  • Emporis? -- Definitely RS - pretty standard source for information on buildings, a research company.
  • ModenPhoenix.net? - Hmmm. Not sure. Take a look at this. But I could simply remove the reference, since what it cites is linked to in another article, but I don't think it's controversial enough. Will defer to you.
  • SkyscraperPage.com? -- subset of Emporis, RS
  • city-data.com? -- nope, not RS, think I’ve removed them all
  • summitpost.org?
  • Reference #69 needs to have more details added on publisher/author etc. -- Done
  • knoji.com? -- the info on the website is taken from http://www.wrh.noaa.gov/psr, appears to meet RS guidelines
  • Azfamily.com? -- website of Channel 3 news - yes, RS
  • newgeography.com? -- a project of Praxis Strategy Group, with editorial oversight, so yes, RS.
  • america2050.com? - Seems to meet RS standards, editorial oversight, publishes studies
  • sunaz.com -- replaced
 Done

Broad in coverage

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  • Yes Green tickY

Neutral

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  • There are places where the article becomes almost like advertising copy for the city of Phoenix. The POV of Schermer is unopposed and untempered. I was surprised that nothing was really said about the native americans that lived there prior to the creation of a white settlement. Stuff listed under the general "well written" review needs to be addressed. Red XN
Agreed about Schermer - removed from article. I've briefly expanded the information regarding the two O'odham tribes and the Maricopa. Onel5969 TT me 03:26, 24 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Stable

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  • I am not seeing any evidence of edit warring or content disputes so far Green tickY

Illustrated / Images

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  • Looks like the licenses are all okay. Green tickY

@Onel5969: - I believe I have completed my review for now, I will put the article on hold for 7 days to allow you to make improvements to it. If activity is going on I can extend the 7 days for as long as it takes. If you have questions etc. let me know. Good luck.  MPJ-US  01:41, 17 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • @Onel5969: all the updates are looking good, I am almost ready to do the re-review of the article. I do have one question - do you know the RS status of the websites I listed above? Anywhere you're not sure if they qualify I will try to research, but it'd be great if you could help pare it down with anything you already know about these sites?  MPJ-US  00:28, 23 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Hi MPJ-DK - give me another 2 days to finish the corrections. I'll have a detailed response on each of the RS questions you have above (I have about 10 of them answered, the easy ones which are indeed RS, and I've removed at least one of the ones which was questionable). I have a pretty full day job, so I can only work on it for an hour or so during the evening and early morning. I'll ping you in a couple/few days when I've finished the corrections - thanks for such a thorough job. [[User:|Onel5969]] TT me 00:36, 23 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
onel5969 - I know how it is trying to balance everything so no worries, I will keep this open as long as there is work going on. So take your time, I would rather it's done right than rushed so no pressure from my side.  MPJ-US  00:39, 23 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, MPJ-DK, think I took care of your concerns. Ping me after you take another look. And thanks for all your efforts. Onel5969 TT me 03:31, 24 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Onel5969: - looking good, I believe the issues have been addressed. I will do one more readthrough to before it's GA quality.  MPJ-US  01:42, 26 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • @Onel5969: Okay so here are my comments from the most recent readthrough. Not a lot, it's getting close to being done.
Early history
  • Reference #19 is dead
  • "further to south of the Pima" - "to the south"
Founding and incorporation
  • "The increased access to commerce, expedited the city's" does not need the comma
1960s to present
  • References to the "Arizona Centenial" needs to indicate that subscription is required (6 references in total)
Neighborhoods
  • The formatting looks odd - either make it prose or a bulleted list, right now it's neither and it looks really weird that way.
  •  Done @MPJ-DK and Onel5969: I pitched in some help in fixing these issues after the second reading. I think prose is the best one since the bulleted list leads to the bullets being hidden behind the images. The prose looks better in my opinion. Ssbbplayer (talk) 04:01, 27 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Climate
  • There is a typo "Internatioal Airport"
Flora and fauna
  • "tailess" should be "tailless"
Economy
  • "all glass" should be "all-glass"
Other Sports
  • "The Phoenix International Raceway, was built" does not need the comma
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