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I would suggest removing the (RN) from "built for the Royal Navy (RN)", and then change the rest of the RNs to Royal Navy.
I don't think so.
"The Orions were deemed obsolete by the end of the war in 1918 and" Suggest changing to: "The Orions were deemed obsolete by the end of the war, in 1918, and"
The year's not really a subordinate clause there.
"A third dreadnought was added to the programme about April 1909" suggest changing about to around.