Talk:Michael Francis Egan/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Relentlessly (talk · contribs) 20:08, 9 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this. Relentlessly (talk) 20:08, 9 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Relentlessly: are you still interested in reviewing this? --Coemgenus (talk) 13:48, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, I'll be working on it today. Relentlessly (talk) 14:26, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

I'm very, very nearly happy to pass this as a good article. There are a few comments I would make about things that could be tightened up.

"Serving as a priest in Rome, Ireland, and Pennsylvania, he became known as a gifted preacher." This might be pedantry, but I can't see why the first clause is subordinated to the second. I would write this more plainly as "He served as a priest in Rome, Ireland, and Pennsylvania and became known as a gifted preacher."
- Fixed. --Coemgenus (talk) 23:11, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Early biographers believed Egan was possibly born in Galway" I can't check the source here. Did the early biographers think there was uncertainty about where he was born? That's the implication of "possibly". If that is what is meant, it could usefully be clearer. Otherwise, lose "possibly".
- No, they really didn't know, but guessed it might be Galway. Based on what, I don't know. --Coemgenus (talk) 23:11, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"custos of Ennis" Translation, please?
- It's translated and linked earlier in the paragraph. --Coemgenus (talk) 23:11, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"the problem of orphaned children having been made worse by the yellow fever deaths" This dangling modifier isn't terribly elegant. I'd suggest "as the problem of orphaned children had been made worse by the yellow fever deaths".
- Yes, I like your wording better. --Coemgenus (talk) 23:11, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"When they arrived" Surely the papal bull is singular?
- Fixed! --Coemgenus (talk) 22:51, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Bishops-elect Benedict Joseph Flaget and Jean-Louis de Cheverus". Can I suggest "Benedict Joseph Flaget and Jean-Louis de Cheverus, who had been appointed/elected to bishoprics but had not yet been consecrated"? I've no problem with the former, but my suggestion is a bit more explicit for the non-expert.
- Fixed. --Coemgenus (talk) 23:11, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"the trustees there were perturbed at Egan's appointment of an Irish priest to lead the parish temporarily, until a German priest could be found" This reads better without "temporarily,", as it suggests that the trustees were perturbed temporarily, rather than the leading being temporary.
- Fixed. --Coemgenus (talk) 23:11, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

These are all minor niggles, though: it's a very good article. Relentlessly (talk) 16:03, 15 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

- @Relentlessly: These should be all finished. Thanks for the thorough review! --Coemgenus (talk) 17:27, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Coemgenus, yes, with the exception of the point about the papal bull... Relentlessly (talk) 22:14, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    - Relentlessly don't know how I missed that one. It's fixed now. --Coemgenus (talk) 22:51, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
      - Super, promoted. Relentlessly (talk) 22:55, 16 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]