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Talk:Meteor III/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 13:11, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • Article title needs italicising, use something like {{italic title}}.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:31, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • I know the article is brief, but the lead could use a little more.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:09, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • German Emperor in the lead, Kaiser in the infobox, be consistent.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:30, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Where is the tonnage in the infobox referenced?
 Done - Reference [1} "Schonerjacht METEOR III" says Verdrängung 314 t. Removed tonnage numbers of 162 NRT and 170 GRT as no references could be found to verify these.
  • "Yampa passed through several" -> "Yampa had several"
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:08, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "eventually purchased by the German emperor." "was" missing here. And again, be consistent with Wilhelm's title.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:17, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " in foreign regattas" foreign to Germany?
 Done - changed "foreign" to European
  • "was so well pleased" no need for well.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:40, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the naval architect Smith" probably should introduce him as this, not wait until his third mention.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:44, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "had going of naming" no need for "going".
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 16:52, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Meteor III, was built" no comma.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:19, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "to put together " construct?
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:21, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Miss Alice Roosevelt" why Miss?
 Done - took out "Miss" and copy edited to show "18 year old daughter." --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:33, 15 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "emperor's younger brother, Prince Henry of Prussia, traveled from Europe to New York City to attend as the Kaiser's " emperor and Kaiser in the same sentence!
 Done - corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:23, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "10:30 A.M." -> 10:30 a.m. (with a non-breaking space).
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:26, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Miss Roosevelt christened the American-built schooner constructed for the emperor " Alice. And we know it was American-built and constructed for the emperor already, no need to repeat again.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:34, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The yacht up to that point was just labeled job No. 24 by the shipyard. " -> "Up to that point, the yacht was referred to as job no. 24 by the shipyard"
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:36, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Next to her was Prince Henry, President Roosevelt, and a group of official guests." you've said most of this already.
 Done - removed this sentence. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:44, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The time was 10:39 in the morning." odd brief sentence, merge the salient point (10:39 a.m.) into one of the preceding sentences.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:45, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As the champagne was still foaming" sounds like a tabloid report.
 Done - removed. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:52, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Miss Roosevelt used a silver looking nickel hatchet to cut the cord that then released the yacht into the water" repeating a little of the previous sentence. And just stick with Alice. And do you mean "silver-looking"?
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:54, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Cannons were fired and brass bands were played. There " merge, "Cannons were fired, brass bands played and there ..."
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 08:57, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Meteor III yacht leaving" italics for yacht name.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:01, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "was launched into the water a message" comma after water.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:18, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Harries put the yacht for sale " maybe USEng, but I'd say "up" for sale.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:31, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "sale in 1921 at Barcelona, Spain.[22] It sold in 1922 " repetitive.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:31, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "n 1924 Bunau-Varilla sold her to Italian " rename the boat here.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:32, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "for a few months" not encyclopedic tone.
 Done corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:35, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "who didn't " avoid contractions.
 Done corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:51, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "resold her to Gerald S. Foley who later sold her to a Mr. David Feinburg. Feinburg sold" repetitive repetitive.
 Done - corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:52, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The Navy requisitioned" by the time we've done the rounds, worth emphasising that this was the United States Navy.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:56, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and became the property" she became.
 Done - copy edited. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:57, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • You abbreviate WSA but never use it, pointless.
 Done - removed "WSA" --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:01, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "owners updated the yacht during their ownership" repetitive.
 Done - corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:06, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "by the War Shipping Administration since" okay so use WSA here instead.
 Done - copy edited accordingly. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:10, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " the yacht was originally built in 1902. The yacht that" repetitive "the yacht".
 Done - copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:24, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "broken up and taken apart" tautological.
 Done - copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:25, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Meteor III was based on the Yampa design. (circa 1902)" -> "Meteor III (circa 1902) was based on the Yampa design."
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:30, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • waterline or water-line?
 Done corrected to 120 feet on the water line --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:37, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " the emperor.[5][7][30] The emperor " repetitive.
 Done - copy edited accordingly. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:45, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " in Colonial Adams" no idea what this means.
 Done copy edited and linked. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:56, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Spaced hyphens in the ref titles should be spaced en-dashes.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:07, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Italics for ship names throughout.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:31, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That's it on a first pass. On hold. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 18:35, 14 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: - all issues addressed. Can you take another look at it now. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:33, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Doug Coldwell vastly improved, really good work. I made a couple of minor tweaks, but I'm good to go with promotion now, so well done. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 13:50, 16 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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