Talk:Mark Bright

Mark Bright has been listed as one of the Sports and recreation good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it.
Review: February 1, 2020. (Reviewed version).

A fact from Mark Bright appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 17 February 2020 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:

Did you know... that English footballer Mark Bright was a foster child, started on wages of £10 a week, and has gone on to earn £1.2 million during his career?

A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2020/February. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/Mark Bright.

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GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Mark Bright/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Lizzy150 (talk · contribs) 20:54, 31 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hey EchetusXe, I'll be reviewing this article that you nominated for GA. Here's my feedback, and with a few improvements, I think it's almost there.

Lead

"who is now a sports correspondent" - There's probably no need to state what he's now doing, perhaps write "and a sports correspondent"?

changed it.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Is it necessary to mention transfer fees in the lead? I don't have a problem with it, although I think that level of detail should come later on in the article (in which it does). I'd be tempted to remove the figures from the first paragraph, but keep the Sheffield Wednesday one. Let me know if you think differently.

Yeah the figures are kinda small so I removed those in the lead.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"they had one son" - is his son still alive? If yes, it should be "they have one son".

Ok.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

The first sentence might sound better as: "Bright was born in Stoke-on-Trent, to Edwin Bright, a Gambian forklift truck driver, and Maureen Clarke, a white English woman." What do you think? Whatever you do, I'd avoid using hyphens (—) in between any names. Use commas.

Thanks, had trouble wording that.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"as Bright stayed in the Davies family until the age of 18" - perhaps just write "under their care, leaving home at the age of 18"? We've already established his foster parents (Davies) in the sentence before, and I assume he left home at 18?

Okay cool.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"were singled out for bullying by other children" - perhaps write "were a target for bullies"?

Yeah that's better.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"A clumsy attempt to combat the racism from the headteacher in a school assembly" - does that mean: The headteacher, during a school assembly, decided to put the pair in a class? Might need rephrasing. Also, is 'clumsy' from the source or is that your opinion?

The opinion of the source. Basically the headteacher singled them out in a school assembly and said don't pick on them everyone.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Leicester City

"Milne was moved upstairs" - does that mean "Milne was promoted"?

Kinda. It's a different role, above the first team manager but usually seen as less important.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"though took" - perhaps "although took"

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Crystal Palace

"though he would go on to sign a permanent deal after completing the trial spell." - I would write that as a separate sentence, eg. "However, he went on to sign a permanent contract after completing the trial period."

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"though again the club finished" - perhaps "although the club finished"?

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"achievement would come in the FA Cup however" - comma needed after 'however'

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Bright was particularly disappointing as felt he had not performed" - perhaps "as it was felt he had not performed"? Also perhaps this sentence could be on it's own.

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Even after Wright had left the club" - perhaps remove the word 'Even' and add a comma after 'club'

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Sheffield Wednesday

"He fared far less well in the final itself" - could we try to rephrase that, as it sounds like a tongue twister to read?

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Despite being unwanted at Leicester" - comma needed after 'Leicester'

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Charlton Athletic

"his young squad and so signed Bright" - perhaps rephrase to 'his young squad, therefore signed Bright"

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Coaching career

As there's only one sentence here, is it possible to merge this elsewhere?

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life

"In April 2000 they had a son, Isaiah." - perhaps rephrase to: Their son, Isaiah, was born in April 2000.

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"though remained friends" - perhaps rephrase to: although they remain as friends. Also, move this sentence to after their marriage.

Okay.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

General feedback

I assume you tried to find a suitable image for him, but none are available, which is fine. Are there any other images which could be added in the article?

I've added a couple to it.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Prose is mainly well-written and understandable

Thank you.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Inline citations/sources - sufficient and no problems here

Thank you.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

No copyright violations detected

Thank you.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Article appears to be stable and neutral

Thank you.--Echetus Xe 14:18, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That's all I have to say! Thanks, Just Lizzy^(talk) 20:54, 31 January 2020 (UTC) Thanks for making the changes. I've made some minor tweaks myself. Good to pass. Just Lizzy^(talk) 18:50, 1 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much!--Echetus Xe 17:50, 2 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:37, 15 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

(

Comment or view
Article history

)

... that sports correspondent and former footballer Mark Bright was a foster child? Source: Bright, Mark; Brennan, Kevin (2019), My Story: From Foster Care to Footballer, Constable, ISBN 978-1-47213-079-2
- ALT1:... that Mark Bright started on £10-a-week wages and went on to earn £1.2 million from professional football? Source: Bright, Mark; Brennan, Kevin (2019), My Story: From Foster Care to Footballer, Constable, ISBN 978-1-47213-079-2

Reviewed: Eliza Ashton

Improved to Good Article status by EchetusXe (talk). Self-nominated at 18:54, 2 February 2020 (UTC).[reply]

New enough Good Article. Must AGF on offline sourcing, but the citations are where they need to be for both hooks. I can't find any other textual problems, either. Good to go. Raymie (t • c) 04:01, 4 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]