Talk:Mari Illustrious Makinami/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Tintor2 (talk · contribs) 20:15, 31 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be reviewing this character article. Will it be the final GA review of a Evangelion article? Looking forward to it.Tintor2 (talk) 20:15, 31 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lead:

"Apparently from England" Wait what? I'd recommend remove this in favor of the European comment which is more certain. Done
"Mari appears in the Rebuild of Evangelion films" Repeated content could be turned into a "besides the films" Done
Link Khara Done

Conception:

Since this is the first time in the body mentioning the films, I'd suggest mentioning it is a film. Done
"nininbaori, a convention in Japanese theater where two actors in one costume pretend to be one person" Could you elaborate on this a bit more? Done
"her a kawaii appearance" Gotta explain well what's a kawaii. Done

Apperances

I would suggest avoid mentioning her personality that much or avoid repeating it. Done
"Megumi Ogata, Shinji Ikari's Japanese voice actress, provided a similar interpretation." About the age or feelings to Yui? Done

Characterization

I would suggest trimming this parts unless they are backed up by the creators or other analysis. It kinda feels simple and might come across as original research. "Mari is also clear and forthright; Anno explained to voice actress Maaya Sakamoto her psychology, saying she "does exactly what she says".[44]" does feel more adequate.
"In 3.0+1.0 Mari reveals to love literature, having collected many books with the dream of reading all books written in the whole history of humanity" Same here.

I don't think we have to worry about that. Even if his personality is relatively simple, the information is supported by reliable third-party sources. Evangelion Chronicle is almost second-thier canon.

That's all for now. Nice to see all Evangelion characters going GATintor2 (talk) 01:20, 1 February 2023 (UTC).[reply]

@Tintor2: Hope it helps.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 20:36, 2 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@TeenAngels1234: Last part

"She became popular,[131]" This is kinda vague so I suggest moving this source to the end of such section.
"Mari, who was called "a controversial character" By who? The critics mentioned it was the fanbase?
,[162][163] is kinda unexplained.

That's all. I would suggest to combining both the first and third paragraph since both focus on her introduction.Tintor2 (talk) 21:27, 2 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Tintor2: Simplified. Hope it works now.--TeenAngels1234 (talk) 22:11, 2 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@TeenAngels1234: Passing the review. Congratulations with the final Evangelion character.Tintor2 (talk) 23:17, 2 February 2023 (UTC)[reply]