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GA Review

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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 05:28, 4 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]


@Carbrera: I don't mean to be rude, but you took this almost a month ago and there's still nothing on it? What's going on? Can we at least get SOME of the review done soon? This has been in the backlog since summer. It needs to get progress. dannymusiceditor Speak up! 00:53, 11 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments

[edit]
Lead/Infobox
  • "Soundtrack" --> "Soundtrack Studios"
  • "A" seems to be an EP and not even a song on the album
  • Why is "Canary" is parentheses next to "Kanariya"?
  • The album cover shown doesn't depict "LOVEppears" the way you state it is stylized so it would be best to remove this
  • According to the "Release history" section, it wasn't released in Taiwan immediately
  • "whilst" --> "while"
  • "music critics. Many critics" --> Swap out the second instance of "critics" for a better word
  • "double Million" --> "2x Million"
  • "released 11 singles." --> According to the infobox, there were only eight (and once "A" is removed, it will be seven)
  • Please reword "(with further singles reaching the top three)"; and 'top three' generally is not used – mostly 'top ten' and 'top forty'...?
  • "whilst" --> "while"
  • Remove the mention of A as it doesn't seem significant to the article

 Done

Background and composition
  • "However, her record label Avex Trax decided to release a remix album titled Ayu-mi-x that marked the beginning of incorporate musical elements outside of her pop rock sound, including trance, house and electronic music.[3][4]" --> This needs to be reworded – especially at "incorporate musical elements..."
  • "whilst" --> "while"
  • "This is Matsuura's second album with Hamasaki he had produced, and continued producing her studio albums in the future.[6]" --> I don't think this is all too important (and Discogs.com is an unreliable source)
  • Remove "In comparison,"
  • "described by AllMusic staff as a dance album that incorporates musical elements of pop rock and club music.[8]" --> Generally, the genres from AllMusic's side panels aren't used within the articles
  • Since you are listing items with commas among them, rewrite like this: "including "Fly High"; extended versions of "Whatever", "Too Late", "Appears"; and a revised version of "Love (Destiny)", which was re-written and titled "Love: Refrain".
  • "Majority of the lyrics were written in third person perspective,[9] a first for Hamasaki, whilst her song "Whatever" was her first track to include an English language word, "Wow".[A]" --> This seems pretty trivial and there is no source (liner notes) to back up the POV statement)

 Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 01:04, 12 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Release and packaging
  • Again, remove Taiwan per the suggestion above
  • "It was Hamasaki's first studio album to be released within the same year as another studio album of hers, A Song for ××, which was released on January 1.[13]" --> This is a bit too trivial for inclusion
  • You state "Eurodance and house inspired music", but do the liner notes mention this as Ref #5 is what you use?
  • "The cover sleeve was rotated 90 degrees clockwise, so when the booklet is open, the cover shows Hamasaki's torso and the back-side cover of the booklet has her bottom half." --> This doesn't seem particularly noteworthy

 Done what I know, I don't know some inlay notes.

Singles
  • Why is A considered a single released from Loveppears?
  • Reword eleven to seven as per above
  • "reach atop" --> "reach the top"
  • "were released a limited edition pressings" --> Reword please
  • "Due to Hamasaki's popularity throughout clubs in North America and Europe" --> This doesn't seem too neutral to me
  • "offices in those regions that correspond with Avex Trax decided to release promotional 12 inch vinyls of tracks from Loveppears." --> "Avex Trax USA decided to release promotional 12 inch vinyls of various tracks from Loveppears."
  • Remove "the offices of"
  • "whilst" --> "while"
  • "whilst" --> "while"

 Done I believe it is because all of the singles of the EP were released as singles from the album. If you check the dates of the EP they are consistent with the album's single releases. However, this might just be coincidence. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:13, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Reception
  • "labelled" --> "labeled"
  • "whom contributed to writing" --> "who contributed to" (this is grammatically incorrect)
  • Ref #37 doesn't back up any of this: "AllMusic's Alexey Eremenko, whom contributed to writing Hamasaki's biography on the website, selected the album tracks "Appears", "Boys & Girls", "End Roll", "Fly High", "Monochrome", "To Be" and "Trauma" as her best work, amongst others."
  • "This marks it the 34th album with the highest first week sales" --> Reword
  • "will over" --> "with over"
  • "The album continued to chart inside of 2000" --> "The album continued to chart in 2000"
  • Insert "becoming" between "64 weeks," and "Hamasaki's"
  • "this marks it Hamasaki's third highest entry behind Duty and A Best, her second highest studio album behind Duty, and the 10th highest selling album by a female artist" --> This could possibly be condensed as the article is about Loveppears and not Duty nor A Best

 Done

Promotion
  • ""its success boosted by ad contracts that Hamasaki has raked in ever since as a spokesman, beginning with the Asian cosmetics juggernaut Kose (later she also worked for the likes of Honda and Panasonic)." --> Incomplete quotation; it's missing the second quotation mark
  • "It reached number two on Oricon and was certified triple platinum by RIAJ; it is her highest-selling remix album and one of the best-selling remix albums of all time.[50]" --> Unnecessary for inclusion in this article
  • "the firs three" --> "the first three"

 Done

Track listing
  • I think there should be a citation for "All lyrics written by Ayumi Hamasaki."
  • I think there should also be a citation for "CD2"

 Done

Notes
  • There is not citation for Note B: "The iTunes Store website has identified April 10, 2001 as the album's release date outside of Asia, but the store was not available until 2003-on wards."
ON HOLD There is a lot of work that needs to be done on this article, but I believe you will probably get this done within time. Regards, Carbrera (talk) 19:17, 11 February 2017 (UTC).[reply]

@Carbrera: User seems to be MIA for a while now, so I will do the best I can. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 01:06, 12 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@DannyMusicEditor: do you mind helping me out on this? User is MIA. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 01:06, 12 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
MarioSoulTruthFan, this wasn't even mine, I just saw this sitting there with nothing after a full month, and being no. 1 on the list like that usually requires prompting to make the reviewer remember. If you do so desire, I'm sure the user would be greatful. I just wanted to see progress on this since it has been on the nominations list since July. dannymusiceditor Speak up! 01:10, 12 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@DannyMusicEditor: I was only asking for help. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 01:11, 12 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Facepalm Facepalm I have a headache. I completely misread that. I will see, but right now I need to finish the other review you gave me. dannymusiceditor Speak up! 01:12, 12 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@Carbrera: all  Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:50, 20 February 2017 (UTC) If anything else is needed please ping me.[reply]
@MarioSoulTruthFan: Everything is great and  Done! I have also finished your comments on "Better Place" if you get a chance. Thank you, Carbrera (talk) 20:36, 20 February 2017 (UTC).[reply]
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