Talk:Louis Rwagasore/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 16:38, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I will be taking a look at this! — Ghost River 16:38, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

"until his assassination on 13 October 1961" → "until his assassination two weeks later." We know the date of his death, and this drives home how sudden it was
- Done.
Swap hyphen for en dash in "Hutu-Tutsi tensions"
- Done.
Start a new paragraph with "Born to the Ganwa family", and then to prevent the first para from being one sentence, add something general about his reputation with UPRONA or his legacy in Burundi to that new first graf
- I've done this and cut some of the discussion of his legacy from the last paragraph in the lede to move it to the first (to avoid redundancy), though I have to say I'm not exactly pleased with how it flows.

Comma after "Gitega, Ruanda-Urundi" per MOS:GEOCOMMA
- Done.
"He performed poorly as a student" → "He was a poor student," with the comma
- Done.

"to takeover" → "to take over"
- Done.
"evenly divided up"
- Done.
Swap em dashes for commas around "including founding member Leopold Biha"
- done.

Swap em dashes for commas around "particularly from the United Nations"
- Done.
"were felt they were underrepresented in it." → "felt underrepresented."
- Done.
It's somewhat unclear why the appointment of a Mutare matters, as this is the only use of the word "Mutare" in the article
- In many Bantu-based languages, "Mu" is a singular prefix, while "Ba" is a plural prefix. Thus, Mutare refers to a single Tare person (Batare would be a group of them or the collective whole). There is some variability when it comes to preserving this trend in English historiography, where one will rarely find Hutus and Tutsis described in such ways but other categories of people will be.

Use the conversion template on "60 feet"
- Converted.
"Following independence Burundi" → "The newly-independent Burundi"
- Honestly, I feel that the way it currently is has more of a chronological flow.

as well as Brioli's and Ntidendereza's father, Chief Baranyanka. Syntax makes it unclear whether the father was also complicit or also murdered
- Revised as with additional accusations of culpability lodged against Brioli's and Ntidendereza's father, Chief Baranyanka.
Add spaces in ellipses of the second and third-paragraph quotes per MOS:ELLIPSIS
- I've added brackets, as it appears would applicable under the MOS rules for those situations.

Most of this section is less "official commemoration" and more his reputation among Burundi politicians; perhaps a separate subhead should be erected accordingly
- I beg to differ, this focuses on how the regimes of different Burundian presidents chose to remember Rwagasore. And the whims of the presidents of Burundi, especially during the 1966-1993 era of military dictatorships, were "official" feelings and actions. Pessimistic as it may sound, the people in Burundi who are in office historically don't simply manage the state; they are the state.

"often ~~being~~ quoted"
- Done.
That last sentence about Nyerere's grandson feels out of place with the larger theme of the para, which is Rwagasore's popularity in and out of Burundi at large
- Moved to footnote discussing his personal connections with Nyerere.

Putting on hold for now to allow nominator to address comments. Feel free to ping me with questions. — Ghost River 18:43, 16 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@GhostRiver: I've responded to your comments. _Indy beetle (talk) 00:02, 20 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Thank you for making those changes. Everything looks good now. — Ghost River 01:03, 21 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]