Talk:Lost in the World/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: 1111tomica (talk · contribs) I will review the article. :) 13:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

There aren't any disambiguation links or broken references. That's good. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

First of all, remove all the references from the lead and place them in the article body. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Lost in the World" is a song by American hip hop recording artist Kanye West from his studio album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy ---> "Lost in the World" is a song by American hip hop recording artist Kanye West from his fifth studio album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010). — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The song was initially released on September 29 and was shorter, but the version on the album was shortened with its ending becoming a new track, "Who Will Survive in America". ---> Very bad wording, I can't even understand the sentence. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The track received positive reviews from critics and was considered one of the strongest tracks of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. ---> The song received positive reviews from music critics, which considered it as one of the strongest compositions on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The song was prominently featured during the closing credits of Runaway, a 35 minute music video directed by West set to music from My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. ---> "Lost in the World" was featured during the closing credits of "Runaway", a 35 minute music video directed by West set with music from the album. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Background

Italicize Rolling Stone — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The rapper, who will reportedly release his fifth album this fall, performed a new poem called 'Mama's Boyfriend' along with new tracks 'My Chain Heavy,' 'Sweat on My Face' and 'Lost in the World'. ---> No need for this sentence, remove it. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
... and clocked in at around 6 minutes ... Awkward my friend ---> with a length of approximately 6 minutes. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I will further c/e the sections since as I can see there are some bad phrases. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I c/e and made some changes to the rest of the section. It was real mess now its okay, not perfect, but good enough for a GA. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

mmm do you have genre sources? — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Write from which magazine the reviewers are. It reads really bad without it. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 14:02, 11 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Reception ---> Critical reception

...was noted as a highlight of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. ---> was noted as a highlight on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. (unlink the album also) — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Channing Freeman of Sputnikmusic felt that ... Really? Are you sure that he felt?! Change felt with wrote. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
again felt, change it to wrote, stated, concluded, but not felted ! Not ever ! — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Remove the sentence for MTV, because it reviews the album, and not the single. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
To be honest, the section looks bad. There are too many quotes that should be reduced and turned into prose. If you can do that, please contact some c/e. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Live performances

To promote West's new album, it was reported he would perform the new song live at Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. ---> To promote his new album, West performed the song at Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Modify the quote from Rap-Up and make it prose. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The third sentence reads awkward, I can not even understand it, re-write it. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The song, the song, the song, the song ... it repeats a lot, use also "Lost in the World" — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

References

To be honest, they look pretty awful, nearly all the references miss their own publisher. I will elaborate it in the next steps. — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

2. Publisher for Rap-Up is Devine Lazerine.
3. Publisher for Allmusic is Rovi Corporation.
6. publisher= MTV News. Viacom.
8. Publisher for Exclaim! should be Ian Danzig
9. Same as 6
11. Publisher= Jann Wenner
12. Should be {{cite web}}, not {{cite news}}
13. Publisher for Idolator is Buzz Media
14. Same as 6 and 9
15. Same as 6, 9 and 14
16. Unlink Pitchfork Media
17. Same as 6, 9, 14 and 15
18. Allmusic should be un-italicized and same as 3
22. Same as 11
24. Publisher = IPC Media (Time Inc.)
25. Publisher= The New York Times
26. Publisher= Tribune Company
27. Publisher=Village Voice Media
28. Publisher= Jann Wenner
30. Same as 6, 9, 14, 15 and 17
31. Knightnews?! Mmm Is it a reliable source?
32. Publisher= The Washington Post Company
33. Un-link Slant Magazine
35. Same as 2
36. Same as 11 and 22
37. Same as 2 and 35
38. Same as 6, 9, 14, 15, 17 and 30
39. Un-link Idolator

Now I also noted that for some references is not used {{cite web}} or {{cite news}}, please add to all of them ! Also ... Sometimes the work should be in italics (magazines, newspapers), but sometimes NOT (websites)! For that you should respectively choose where you should write your work/publisher. (For example work=Rolling Stones (its a magazine, it should be in italics)|publisher=Jann Wenner/ or/ publisher=MTV News. Viacom (cause its a website and italics is not needed). — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 20:02, 13 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

All in all

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

When I first looked on the article, I thought it was in good condition and will be easy with it. But on a second view, it really need a lot of work. I will put it on hold for 7 days, since its a small article and I really think you can handle all the issues in that period. Good luck — Tomica1111 • Question Existing? 21:46, 12 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I have addressed these issues, if not instruct me further. Bruce Campbell (talk) 19:55, 13 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]