Talk:Look at Your Game, Girl/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: TheGracefulSlick (talk · contribs) 15:18, 31 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Note: some of these are recommendations. If you disagree or believe it can be addressed in another way, explain why. My opinion is not the final verdict.

Lede

Was this indeed a single and would that be lede worthy? A single chronology should be included in the infobox. Also, is there any cover art/records/sheet music artwork that could be added to the infobox?

@TheGracefulSlick: There is no evidence that I can find that this song was ever released as a single. One could include the cover of the Lie album as an image on this page.

I recommend splitting this sentence: A folk rock and psychedelic folk ballad about an insane woman, "Look at Your Game, Girl" bears similarity to the music of the Beatles and the writings of Robert A. Heinlein and L. Ron Hubbard, and was included on a tape that Manson sent to record companies.
Manson's version can become His version to avoid repetition.

Background

You mention the lyrics: Manson sings: "Think you're loving baby, but all you're doing is crying... Are those feelings real?" but the significance is unclear. Was the fact following sentence analyzing the lyrics? If so, I would replace the period with a semicolon to establish more of a connection between the two statements.
For According to AllMusic..., include the writer's name.
I would either clarify or replace ...before he achieved infamy. Briefly mention the murders instead.

Critical reception

No issues but I'll double check.

Guns N Roses version

This -- Marilyn Manson, a musician whose stage name is derived from the names of Charles Manson and Marilyn Monroe -- is unnecessary trivia. His stage name alone will suffice.
One small concern with According to the autobiography, Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails took Manson to a U2 concert where Manson met Rose backstage; there, Manson mentioned his song "My Monkey", which incorporates lyrics from Lie: The Love and Terror Cult. "Manson" should be replaced at least once to avoid repetition.
For on "The Spaghetti Incident?" (1993), an album of covers of punk rock songs, try "...a cover album of punk rock songs". It flows better.
After introducing their cover, expressions like Guns N' Roses' cover of "Look at Your Game and Guns N' Roses version of the song become redundant. "Guns N Roses' cover" or "version" are enough since you have established which what the subject is.
Another recommendation for flow: Rose also claimed that he initially believed that Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys authored the song; Wilson was aquainted with Manson can become "Rose also claimed that he initially believed that Dennis Wilson, a Beach Boy and former acquaintance of Manson's, authored the song".

Other notes

Re-read to see if you can address any other redundancies. I just pointed out glaring instances.

MagicatthemovieS I have offered some recommendations/concerns. Ping me with any questions, comments, or if you addressed everything.TheGracefulSlick (talk) 02:49, 1 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@TheGracefulSlick: I addressed all of your concerns. -- MagicatthemovieS