Talk:Ke Mu San

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	This article was accepted from this draft on 4 September 2024 by reviewer SafariScribe (talk · contribs).

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Comment for AFC reviewer

After discussion with the first AFC reviewer on their talk page I decided to re-submit the draft for review by another reviewer to seek their views with the NPOV issue. S5A-0043^Talk 01:42, 10 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Article edit suggestion

This draft overall has a lot of potential and is grammatically sound, but I personally would reject it if I had the power. It's my opinion that before the final draft is published to Wikipedia, there should be some refinements made to the tone of this article. Examples:

Minor point: Use of the word "opined" is overly-flowery. Changed to commented.
Minor point: Using a period before or after quotation marks is inconsistent (e.g., ". and ." are both in the same article). Not done per MOS:QUOTEPUNCT: "The comma-free approach is often used with partial quotations."
Major point: Voice often sounds unnatural: "In various countries, the dance was only spread among overseas Chinese students at first, and was later performed by numerous overseas youth groups." "The dance is widely believed to have originally been performed by Guangxi native Zhu Kaihong from a wedding dance during his friend's wedding in the province. According to Zhu, he had found the original dance to be "incredibly boring" and thus performed the dance." "After adaptation, the song's expression form was innovated" "the dance consists of performers doing a series of hand movements to music" Tried my best to rephrase them.

It's a great draft of an article, but I would recommend you run this article past a native English speaker in order to ensure it better matches the tone of other Wikipedia entries and sounds more like it is written in fluid English.

Alexandraaaacs1989 (talk) 08:47, 3 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Addressed most of the points above.
Since this is under the same topic, @SafariScribe: could you perhaps explain which part of the article reads "more like an essay"? I myself didn't think I wrote it like an essay and someone else on Discord said "Doesn't look that bad". S5A-0043^Talk 01:17, 4 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

You said "addressed most". You should address all. I will ping the essay-like part of the draft. Safari Scribe^{Edits! Talk!} 05:03, 4 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I said “most” because I didn’t account for the .”/”. parts covered under MOS:QUOTEPUNCT when I originally wrote the response. Should’ve expressed myself better, that’s my bad. Anyways, thanks for the edits. I’ll fix them later. S5A-0043^Talk 06:00, 4 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]