Talk:Kanariya/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 20:08, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Soon... Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 20:08, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

Japanese: translated to "Canary" → Japanese: "Canary"
single, limiting physical sales units to → single with limited physical units of
There are two versions of "Kanariya"; a radio edit that was → produced by DJ Jonathan Peters, and an album version composed by Yasuhiko Hoshino. → Two versions of "Kanariya" were made available for consumption—a radio edit produced by DJ Jonathan Peters, and the album version composed by Yasuhiko Hoshino.
music critics. Some praised → music critics, with some of the praising
edit, while reviews generally criticized → edit, but generally criticizing
was a success in Japan → experienced success in Japan (due to fancruft)
300,000 unit → plural
Word repetition through "units"; use copies in one case
An accompanying music video → An accompanying music video for the recording
which featured → with it portraying
laboratory, surrounded → remove comma
conducted → released
link "remix and greatest hits compilations" to respective articles on Wikipedia.
- Done.

Infobox

Digital download → no capital letter
Dance music → Dance + isn't it just the genre of the remix?
Avex Entertainment Inc. → Avex
- Done.

Background and release

There are two versions of "Kanariya"; a radio edit that was remixed and produed by American DJ Jonathan Peters, and an album version composed by Yasuhiko Hoshino. → same as in the lead
is heavily influenced throughout Hamasaki's → heavily influences Hamasaki's
add comma after "studio album"
Loveppears (1999), and also → Loveappears (1999); the track also
keyboards by Peter → keyboards managed by Peter
and eventually → and was eventually
Word repetition through "song" at the end of the first para.
limiting physical sales units to 300,000 copies. → same as in the lead
The CD format → The physical format (to avoid repetitions)
13 → thirteen
11 of which → of which eleven
"Kanariya", plus a remix for Hamasaki's tracks "Two of Us" and "From the Letter"; the former appeared on her debut studio album A Song for ×× (1999), whilst the latter was included as a B-side track for her single "Depend on You". → "Kanariya", also incorporating a remix for Hamasaki's tracks "Two of Us" and "From the Letter". While the former appeared on her debut studio album, A Song for xx (1999), the latter was...
Remove "Then on"
12" inch vinyl; the vinyl include → 12" inch vinyl, including
Peters' → Peters
The artwork → The single's artwork
The CD did not include a booklet, so the photograph immolated as a picture disc but did feature a clear plastic sheet that featured information about the single → The physical version of "Kanariya" failed to included a booklet, which resulted in the cover sleeve being immolated as a picture disc, featuring an emphasised plastic sheet with information on the single.
- Done. I didn't change the numerals to worded numbers; I personally do that only above 10.

Reception

commending → acclaiming
link "R&B"
However, when reviewing the CD single, the review stated → When reviewing the CD single, the website stated,
a member at → a member of
but criticised → but criticized
labeled → labelled (the first one is American English)
the single was a success in Japan → same as in the lead
first week of sales → first week of availability
It lasted → "Kanariya" lasted (word rep.)
on the top 200 → within the top 200
one of Hamasaki's → marking one of Hamasaki's
lowest spanning → lowest-spanning
but was her only limited single from Loveppears to reach atop → This can be left out, as it's overfluous.
it debuted at number one → it opened atop (word rep.)
Connect last two sentences from the first para with ", lasting..."
in the top 100 → within the top 100
it had sold → the recording had sold
word repetition through "ranked" in second para
However, in 1999, it ranked at number 84 on TBS' Annual Chart. → Include this info one sentence earlier, but not with "However,"
the single was → the track was (word rep.)
her 29th highest selling → the singer's 29th highest-selling
data base → database
- Done.

Music video and promotion

Jonathan Peters → Peters (never write full names twice)
The video features → The visual portrays (word rep.)
laboratory, surrounded with → laboratory, being surrounded by
Throughout the song → Throughout the music video
I decided to edit the rest of the issues with the music video para by myself
promoted on → promoted through
conducted → released
It has been → It has additionally been
Word repetition through "Hamasaki"
remove "that being"
It was specially → "Kanariya" was specially (word rep.)
remove "remix" from "remix extended play"
- Done.

Personnel

Rename section into "Credits and personnel"
the CD liner notes of "Kanariya"; → the liner notes of the single's physical release.
- Done.

Charts

Remove "Weekly chart" and "Weekly" from the charts
- Done.

Release history

Unlink labels and formats
- Done.

Outcome

I've put this On hold for 7 days in order to allow edits to the article. Good luck and best regards, Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:30, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Done all adjustments. Thank you for the review, @Cartoon network freak:. CaliforniaDreamsFan (talk · contribs} 23:09, 27 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Passing! Cheers, Cartoon network freak (talk) 11:55, 28 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.