Talk:John Plankinton/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: No Great Shaker (talk · contribs) 04:32, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Commencing review

Well written: the prose is clear and concise.
Well written: the spelling and grammar are correct.
Complies with the MOS guidelines for lead sections.
Complies with the MOS guidelines for article structure and layout.
Complies with the MOS guidelines for words to watch.
Complies with the MOS guidelines for writing about fiction – not applicable.
Complies with the MOS guidelines for list incorporation – not applicable.
Complies with the MOS guidelines for use of quotations.
All statements are verifiable with inline citations provided.
All inline citations are from reliable sources, etc.
Contains a list of all references in accordance with the layout style guideline.
No original research.
No copyright violations or plagiarism.
Broad in its coverage but within scope and in summary style.
Neutral.
Stable.
Illustrated, if possible.
Images are at least fair use and do not breach copyright.

Hello, Doug. I'll be reviewing all the Plankinton articles within the current GAN Backlog Drive and will use the checklist above to register progress. Hope to provide some feedback soon. No Great Shaker (talk) 04:32, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

On hold

An interesting article but quite a lot of points have arisen. I've checked some of the criteria above and am leaving the rest open for now.

The lead is somewhat disjointed and out of sequence. The third paragraph is a single sentence. I suggest a rewrite along these lines so that the essential points are in paragraph 1; a career summary in 2; and then his benevolent activities in 3:

John Plankinton (March 11, 1820 – March 29, 1891) was an American businessman based in Milwaukee. He began as a butcher for the general store he was operating downtown and became a meatpacking industrialist, later expanding his interests into railroading and banking.

Plankinton was the city's leading meat packer after his first year in the grocery business. He expanded this business and eventually became acquainted with the meatpacking industrialist Philip D. Armour, forming a company with him that lasted for 20 years. Plankinton founded the Plankinton Bank, which became the leading bank of Milwaukee in his lifetime, and was involved in the development of the Milwaukee City Railroad Company, an electric railway.

He is noted for expansive real estate developments in Milwaukee, including the luxurious Plankinton House Hotel designed as an upscale residence for the wealthy. He was a generous philanthropist. He donated the land for the construction of the Perseverance Presbyterian church and helped to create and maintain a soup kitchen for the poor. He also financed the construction of the first Milwaukee public library.

Done Lead issues addressed, slightly different than suggested. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:46, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Is it correct to use a term like "downtown" for 19th century Milwaukee, depending on its size and layout at that time?

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:11, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Soup kitchen" is stated in the lead without a link and then linked with a pipe to soup house in the narrative. Best to use soup kitchen, linked without piping, in both places.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:11, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Optional, really, but it is usual to put (née Johnson) in brackets. Have done that.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:11, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Link first instance of Milwaukee in the narrative.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:11, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Pittsburg is ambiguous – need to specify.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:59, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Please check the link to SS Great Western as that is Brunel's ocean-going steamer.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:59, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Amend ... with a friend that had already moved ... to ... with a friend who had already moved ...

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 18:59, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Civil war demand – presumably from the Union Army?

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:05, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

It expanded their facilities by branching out into Chicago and Kansas City. This sentence should begin with "They", like the next one.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:13, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Armour continued with the branch firms. Is "branch firms" an understood term in the US? Was it still one company with three branches or three separate companies?

Done Yes, "branch firms" is an understood common term in the US meaning one company with three branches.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:20, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Cudahy Brothers Company is a redlink. No need to delink but probably preferable to do so if an article is unlikely to be created.

Done - Likely an article WILL BE created on this someday. There are 600 newspaper articles on it in Newspapers.com. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:41, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Is "later-named" a recognised US term, using the hyphen?

Done - Removed hyphen. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:41, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

When Milwaukee incorporated as a city. Should that be: When Milwaukee was incorporated as a city?

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:41, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

He did promoting of the events should be He promoted the events.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:41, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

As a general point, I'm seeing Plankinton's name rather a lot in starting sentences. A copyedit should be done to replace some of these with "He".

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:58, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Incorrect use of apostrophe in the sheriff seized the Lappen companys' stores. If the apostrophe is correct (more than one company), then "companys" should be "companies".

Done - companies' stores --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:07, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I don't see the relevance to a biography of John Plankinton of events at the bank after his death. I think the "Associated businesses" section should end with The bank grew into the leading bank in Milwaukee, but was forced to seek new investors following Plankinton's death. Everything else should be moved into William Plankinton as he was involved.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:23, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I would put "née Brachein" into brackets or, given context, omit "née". Same applies to Anna née Bradford.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:36, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Remove brackets from ...he had a son (William) and two daughters (Hannah, Elizabeth Ann). His eldest daughter (Hannah) died... Try: he had a son, William, and two daughters, Hannah and Elizabeth Ann. His eldest daughter Hannah died...

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:42, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Amend he turned in a parkland to he turned into a parkland.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:42, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Plankinton also built a mansion for his daughter in 1886–87 at a cost of $150,000 (equivalent to $3.9 million in 2019). when she was engaged to Richard Henry Park. There is a rogue full stop in the middle of this. Should it say "after she became engaged"?

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:05, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

1881-1927 should use an endash to separate.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:05, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I notice that Fall and Spring have uppercase initials: is that usual in US?

Done corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:18, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

In "Personal life", there is "board" in one sentence and "Board" in the next. Again, which is usual in US?

Done corrected. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:18, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

He and his business associates brought about the meat packing industry of the Midwest. What does "brought about" mean in this context?

Done - used "established" instead. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:18, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Layton Art Gallery, to whom should be "to which".

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:18, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Wisconsin Meat Industry Hall of Frame. Hall of Fame?

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:18, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

As Plankinton and Armour were obviously leaders of the meatpacking industry in Wisconsin, did they ultimately influence the naming of the Green Bay Packers? If so, that might be worth a mention in the legacy piece.

Working --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:18, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Done - couldn't find a connection of Plankinton and Armour. However, they are connected to the Cudahy Brothers as this reference shows. That probably might go in the potential article on Cudahy Brothers Company. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:32, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'm placing the review on hold for now. There's no rush as I don't insist on a seven-day deadline. No Great Shaker (talk) 13:50, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@No Great Shaker: All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:32, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Passed

Hello again, Doug. This is absolutely fine and I'm promoting the article to GA. I would say that it could be worth taking a shot at FAC with this. If you ever do, please let me know and I'll be happy to take part. Great work. Well done again. All the best and keep safe. No Great Shaker (talk) 11:02, 3 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]