Talk:Japanese ironclad Kōtetsu/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 13:02, 20 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I will take this on shortly Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 13:02, 20 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

IMO the end of the lede could use a sentence summing up the final fate of the ship (sold for scrap in 1889)
- Quite right and also needs a summary of her post-Boshin War career.
"Sphinx was 165 feet 9 inches" What's the reasoning behind saying 'sphinx' here?
- It's a question of which name to use; I couldn't decide and just left it as it was originally. Which one do you think is the most logical?
I think the image caption would benefit as "Azuma at anchor in Yokosuka, Japan", given how many countries the ship was in.
"However, the Japanese removed one" I don't think 'however' meshes very well here, suggest nixing.
"Watts states only 95 t (93 long tons) of coal" is this 95 t for the full load, for 3,000 nm or for something else? Any idea the reason for the discrepancy
- I think that the older sources didn't have much access to Japanese- or Danish-language publications and have preferred to use more recent ones for technical stuff.
I'd like to see a link to the American Civil War in the article body
- If linked in the lede, I only bother with main body links for very long articles, of which this isn't one.
maybe link Ironclad in the body?
" easily than other potential secret contractors" can you expand on this? Were these potential secret contractors also French? Who else could they have been? Or do we just not know
- Several ships were ordered from Britain, but AFAIK, the Confederates made no efforts to use any other builders in France, so I'm not exactly sure what Case & Spencer are referring to.
"named Cheops and Sphynx" Is this the same ship you call 'sphinx' above?
- Typo
link Egyptian Navy?
link Shakedown cruise?
link Danish Naval Ministry?
Ferrol is a disambiguation link
It's unclear to me exactly how the confederates got control of the ship. Did they purchase it? Commandeer it?
- Yeah, that could be considered important ;-)
"where permanent repairs took several months" I honestly feel this would read better in its own sentence
" declined to fight" how, exactly, does a ship 'decline' to fight?
- By not moving within gun range, which was very short in those days. Usually much less than 1000 meters (.62 miles).
" The money was not paid until 2 November" not paid by who?
"the Stonewall required" Do you mean to have 'the' here
"The first Union ships arrived " maybe "Union ships (first) arrived" to avoid the implication that the ships were the first Union ships.
"Page decided to turn her over" IMO it's worth clarifying who 'her' refers to here?
If you link Confederate you should link Union
link Washington Navy Yard
- Linked a caption above.
"discovered the Stonewall in the Washington Navy Yard" do you need 'the' here?
"Acting envoy" -> "Acting envoy to the United States" for clarity's sake?
"for the price of US$400,000" why "US$" here when you use "$" above?
" which included stopping the delivery of military material, including " can you eliminate the repetition of include here? No big deal if this is the best way to phrase it
"The ship had actually arrived" I'd suggest cutting 'actually' and/or replacing with 'initially', but maybe "the ship had arrived"
"In the meantime, " unclear what this is in the meantime of
"Imperial Japanese Navy" link?
"during the Naval Battle of Miyako Bay," Is 'naval' really needed here?
"as a third-class warship" meaning...?
- Not sure, the source doesn't specify
"Sold for scrap, 12 December 1889" the date is neither mentioned nor sourced in the article
That's mostly it-- a very good article overall, just some minor (mainly subjective) comments as usual. Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 19:55, 24 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks for your most thorough review. See if my changes are satisfactory.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 12:41, 26 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good. Sources I checked lined up, images look good to me, otherwise meets the GA Criteria. I'm fine with 'Sphinx' in the first section... Passing. Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 13:27, 29 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]