Talk:Jacob Elordi/GA1

GA Review

Unsuccessful. Safari Scribe^{Edits! Talk!} 06:53, 6 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Benmite (talk · contribs) 06:12, 23 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Safari Scribe^{Edits! Talk!} 17:10, 5 April 2024 (UTC)·[reply]

Shortly will be reviewing this. Thanks for the contribution. All the Best! Otuọcha (talk) 09:16, 1 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Lede

Link the "Australian"
he gained prominence with his role as Noah Flynn, the bad boy love interest in the The Kissing Booth film trilogy (2018–2021) on Netflix. Perhaps "he gained prominence for his role as Noah Flynn, in the Netflix film series The Kissing Booth (2018-2021)."
He also became known for his main role as the troubled high school football player Nate Jacobs on the HBO teen drama series Euphoria (2019–present). This is vague and need reword plus following up with comma after the first sentence. Perhaps "Nate Jacobs in HBO's teen drama series Euphoria (2019–present).
Link "HBO" as it is and unlink "teen drama".
His film roles as Elvis Presley in the biopic Priscilla and as a wealthy university student in Saltburn (both 2023) brought him wider recognition and earned him critical praise Reword perhaps "In 2023, he starred in several films including biopic Priscilla as Elvis Presley and ~~a university wealthy student~~ Felix Catton in Saltburn, which earned him a nominee for the 2023 BAFTA Award for Best Actor in a Supporting Role." Also see my exact linking.
Consider removing this phrase "brought him wider recognition and earned him critical praise".
Lede is okay but I will say it's short and didn't summarize the whole article (especially the important ones). Do add like his birth, starting, role, etc.

Now the lede is good, to the next section "Early life"

Jacob Elordi was born on 26 June 1997 find the common name (first name)
Place comma after the "June"
Link together like Brisbane, Queensland and not differently
Unlink "working class"; no need or impact.
family consisting of his parents—John, a house painter who spent 13 years building the family's house, and Melissa, a stay-at-home mother and one-time cafeteria employee at Jacob's school—one older brother, and three older sisters. Reword perhaps "...to working class family. His father John Elordi was a painter who immigrated to Australia from the Basque Country at 8 and the mother Melissa Elordi, was a former cafeteria attendant at Jacob's school—his elder brother and three sisters." Do not link anything as they are unnecessary
Link "Australia" and "Basque Country"
While a player on his school's rugby team, Elordi performed in school musicals starting at age 12, starring in productions of Seussical and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and he soon began taking acting classes. Reword perhaps "While playing for his school's rugby team at 12, he also started in the production of Seussical and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which prompted him to take acting classes."
He has stated that he was first inspired to become an actor by Heath Ledger, particularly because of his role in the 2008 film The Dark Knight. He also played Oberon in a school production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Reword and paraphrased perhaps will say, "He started with playing the role of Oberon in a play in his school entitled same as William Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. He stated being influenced by Heath Ledger after watching him in the 2008 film The Dark Knight."
Link Oberon and A Midsummer Night's Dream, also The Dark Knight
At age 14, Elordi started practicing his American accent, modelling it after that of Vin Diesel. He attempted modelling at his mother's suggestion at age 15, but was told he was too tall to fit into the sample clothes. Reword pls or remove completely

This Elordi attended the private Roman Catholic, all-boys secondary schools of St Kevin's College, Melbourne, and St Joseph's College, Nudgee, in Brisbane is too long. Cut and remove unnecessary word like "all-boys secondary schools of"
Since the schools were linked; it will show the power of the reader to see it in the main article. Don't burden this one! Rather write "Elordi had his education at St Kevin's College, Melbourne and St Joseph's College, Nudgee in Brisbane, Queensland.
Don't link "Brisbane, Queensland"

- - Benmite: I can't take this inactivity. Safari Scribe^{Edits! Talk!} 17:11, 5 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@SafariScribe: I assumed you were going to finish making the edits and then put the review on hold. Reviewers typically give editors seven days to edit before turning down a GA. I'll get it to it later today but I would prefer a bit more warning next time. benǝʇᴉɯ 20:52, 5 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Closing comment: I have listed that already but I saw your recent challenging times on Wikipedia and decided to reach you out. I will be failing this now just as you have said here and most probably, wish you recover back to your normal editing way. I am also noting that as "inactivity of the editor" maybe because if real-life stuff or personal issue. Thanks again for your relentless contributions to Wikipedia.Yiu can renominate this again when you are ready. Safari Scribe^{Edits! Talk!} 06:53, 6 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.