Talk:Illegal (song)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MarioSoulTruthFan (talk · contribs) 12:13, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, my name is MarioSoulTruthFan and I will be reviewing your GAN. Hold any comments until the end of my review. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 12:13, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox

Cover needs "alt" parameter. Done
See genre issue two sections bellow. Done

Lead

"Illegal" is a song by Colombian singer-songwriter Shakira from her seventh studio album → "Illegal" is a song recorded by Colombian singer-songwriter Shakira for her seventh studio album. Not done

Now

Done

You fortgot to change form → for. I did it for you.

Unlike produced. Done
"Epic Records released the song as the album's third and final single on November 14, 2006" → no reference in the entire article. Done
"following the worldwide success of "Hips Don't Lie"." →seems and sounds bias. Done
"Illegal" is a ballad → see concerns with this bellow. Done

I don't understand. It is sourced in the composition section.

Should be "pop country ballad", right?

Done

"criticized Santana's contribution." → two negative and positive I would call it mixed. Done
"The song achieved moderate success across European countries, topping the chart in Romania and peaking withing the top ten in Austria, Italy, Netherlands, Hungary and Switzerland among other countries. It also managed to top the US Dance Club Songs chart." → turn it into one sentence. Done
"by Jaume de Laiguana and Shakira and it premiered on November 16, 2006 on MTV's Total Request Live (TRL)." → by Jaume de Laiguana and Shakira, having its premiere on November 16, 2006 on MTV's Total Request Live (TRL). Done
"several occasions" → few/some, whatever you prefer occasions. Done
Good Morning American should have at least year between (). Done

Background

Change name of the section to "Composition". Not done How is this background? explain to me.

It is background because it contains info about songwriters/featured artists and two sentences about its release.

Reduce sample length according to Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Music samples. Not done
In the infobox you have the genre of the song as "soft rock", while in this section you call it "ballad" infused with pop and country. What is it gonna be? Done

So I missed something while reviewing this, you have no section regarding the release.

1) Create a section with release history at the bottom of the page. Treasure_(Bruno_Mars_song)#Release in which you will include the part of the release history here and the one in "Track listing and formats".

2) You should also write a prose, a tiny one covering the major aspects (you should use those two last lines from the 1st paragraph of this section) see the one above. Rename section: "Composition and production".

3) After this and those minor fixes is good for a promotion. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:19, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Critical reception

"The reviewer finished his review" → Sounds redundant. "The critic finished his review", for example. Done
"A writer of E! Online was negative towards "Illegal"" → re-write, doesn't flow well. Done

Chart performance

"It was more successful in other European countries." → says who? It should be a comma after countries since you are about to enumerate them. Done
"in the charts in Austria, "Illegal" debuted at number nine on December 8, 2006 which later became its peak position on the chart. It gradually descended for the following seventeen weeks, last appearing on the chart issue of April 13, 2007. → These two sentences should turn into one. Done
"66th best-selling single in that country. → it only counts sells towards the year end list? Done
"emerged as the 76th best-selling single in 2007 in that country" → same as previous. Done
Vocabulary use synonyms of "emerged" and "peak", too repetitive. For example you can use "rose", since you only used it once. Done
Comma after Hungary → Hungary, respectively. Done

Music video

Ref 25 is dead, replace it and archive it. Done
IMVD is not a reliable source. Done
"The video features Shakira as the girlfriend of a boxer. Throughout most of the video, she is shown in the empty boxing venue where her former boyfriend boxes. Through flashbacks, she remembers the good times in their relationship- including being alone in the ring, affectionately treating each other. At the end of the video, the reason behind their break-up is shown. Shakira comes to see her boyfriend boxing in the championship match. He wins, unaware that Shakira is there watching him. Another girl steps in the ring and kisses the boxer, revealing to Shakira he is cheating on her. Her boyfriend, to his shock, finally sees that Shakira is watching him kiss the other girl. She looks back at him, clearly hurt, before turning away and leaving." → You should make bigger sentences and I needs references for this. Done

Added YouTube video reference.

Live performances

You can't use "setlist.fm" as a reference since it's unreliable. Done

Removed. Couldn't find anything, the song was only performed in two or three cities. ([1], )

"The same year in December," → In December, of the same year,... Done

Track listing and formats

Fine.

Charts

Weekly charts

Ref 42 → nothing there. My bad here, I thought it was 42, but it really is 40. Address this issue. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:13, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
The rest is fine.

Year-end charts

Link for Romanian YEC is dead. Done

Remove the link then.

The rest is fine.

References

Ref 15 and 16 are the same. It should be "Austrian Charts" instead of "austriancharts.at." Done
Ref 20. 2Top Digital Download." → Italian Charts. Hung Medien. Done

There is nothing I can do about this one. A singlechart template is used, it is auto-generated.

Yes, I'm sorry, my bad.

Ref 25, redirects me, the link is dead. Replace it and archive it. Done
New issue: Ref 49. dutchcharts.nl. → Dutch Charts Done

External links

Fine.

Credits and personnel

Divide them into columns, I would suggest producers and writers in the first and the second with mixing, masters and engineers.
Where was the song recorded, mixed? add that on top in one line separate the studios by commas and mixing from recording by semi-column.
By doing so, divide it into two section the first with the studios will be called "Recording" and the second "Personnel".

I'm sorry, I forgot to add this. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:32, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Such an information was not available on Discogs.

It is, take a look at it now. BTW, "Credits and personnel" re-write all of that in the "Composition and production" section along with the sample (later I will cut it and reduce it's quality).

Overall GA review

You could add a section of personal and places were the song was recorded, mixed and so on. You can find it on the liner notes of the record, for example.
Some issues with the references that can be easily addressed and the lead. I will place this article on Hold for seven days. Good luck once you finish amending the concerns ping me. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:40, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@MarioSoulTruthFan: Almost everything

Done. However there are still some things that I couldn't fix.

1. I don't know how to reduce the length of the sample (I don't have the required program on my computer)

Download audacity (it's free), follow the steps in the wiki page I cited above.

2. I couldn't find a substitute link for the charts in Romania. (this archived link also doesn't seem to work)

Try to look one in webcictation, or look in other articles of the same year, they might have one working.

3. I found Musikislife.net and Notimex as references for the directors of the video. Are they reliable?

I guess, you could use MTV if they have the video. Otherwise use both links for it. Up to you really.

4. I can't find a source about the song being performed on Oral Fixation Tour, about the credits and personnel nor about the synopsis of the music video. My love is love 15:35, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Music video → use YouTube reference

Try to look for reviews of the tour, they usually have set-lists.

Use Discogs to look for the credits and personnel, however don't link it there. Use the liner notes of the album as a reference.

I will take a look at your work. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:49, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@My love is love: You missed a couple of things. Addressed them and I have answered to you questions/doubts. Once you address those concerns, "ping" me again and those red crosses (depending on what you have done) will turn green.

@MarioSoulTruthFan: Please check now. I couldn't find a link for the Romanian charts and download the program for samples. My love is love 23:00, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@My love is love: I left more information regarding the ones you haven't addressed and new stuff to do in the composition. Just google "audicity" first page from their official website, downlaod according to you OS (Windows, Mac, Linux...), reduced the length and quality according to Wikipedia guidance I cited above. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:21, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@MarioSoulTruthFan: I decided to remove the sample. Plus, I cannot form a table because there are only two dates when the song was released. That is why I decided to merge it with the first section. My love is love 23:54, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@My love is love: Add the sample again, I would do that latter tomorrow for you. Take a look at the bottom now. Add what you have in "Track listing and formats" to the bottom as well. Best regards MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:50, 15 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@MarioSoulTruthFan:. Thank you very much for your help and the thorough review. I think that everything is

Done now. My love is love 08:36, 15 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@My love is love: I have uploaded the sample new sample, please change the description because you can barely hear Santana's guitar. That will be the final change, afterwards it's GA material. @MarioSoulTruthFan: My love is love 20:05, 15 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]