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Reviewer: Esprit15d (talk · contribs) 14:21, 12 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]


I will be reviewing this article.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 14:21, 12 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Esprit15d, thanks for taking this (it's been up there a while!). Looking forward to your review. JG66 (talk) 09:06, 13 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Esprit15d: Sorry to hassle, but any chance you'll be reviewing this article sometime soon …? Thanks, JG66 (talk) 05:02, 21 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, my apologies. I will get on this. You will hear from me in the next day or so.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 23:54, 25 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

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  • Do you think the picture of Shirley Bassey could me made larger?
  • Certainly could do, but if I compare the image with that of Cilla Black in a later section, it looks fine, imo. I suppose I'm mindful that the Bassey image is a head-and-shoulders shot (vs the Black portrait), so enlarging Bassey seems slightly odd, considering it's a close-up unlike Black. I guess we could increase them both, a touch. JG66 (talk) 00:47, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've just increased them both. How's that? JG66 (talk) 01:01, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Harrison wrote what became "When Every Song Is Sung" (and later "I'll Still Love You") as a possible song for her" -- This is grammatically correct, but very clunkily written. Do you think it could be re-written a little more fluently?
  • "and so tried to redo it over 1974–75" - "redo it over" is redundant

These are my first comments. The article is actually very strong. I just have a few more things, and the article should be ready to pass. I will get back with you later tonight.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 17:45, 29 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Esprit15d – keep 'em coming! Btw, can I ask why you've changed all instances of spaced-en dashes to unspaced ems? Either style is acceptable, per MOS:DASH, and in fact spaced ens are far more common in British English (eg, here). Best, JG66 (talk) 01:47, 30 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
You are right. It is my custom to use the longer one, since I'm American, in most cases, the editor is using hyphens/ndashes/mdashes haphazardly. But feel free to change them as you see fit.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 04:48, 16 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Esprit15d: Sorry to hassle (again!). Just worried that someone's going to see the lack of activity here and shut us down … JG66 (talk) 02:26, 15 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Finishing it now.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 18:58, 15 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • "While he had traditionally been the most active among Starr's former bandmates in supporting the drummer after the Beatles' break-up," — I don't think "traditionally" is the right word there. Maybe, "generally considered". Also, since this is an opinion, can you attribute it to a source? Like "magazines of the day", "reports" or something like that.
  • I've ditched "traditionally". I'm sorta surprised you view the sentence as an opinion, because by saying "most active" the comparison reflects the regularity of Harrison's involvement – the sheer number of musical collaborations between the two. Anyway, I've just reworded it. What do you think now? JG66 (talk) 07:09, 16 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • The re-wording is fantastic. Previously, the wording was more subjective. Calling Harrison a frequent collaborator sounds more objective than saying traditionally he was more supportive.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 18:30, 16 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think you give too much weight to Nicholas Schaffner's opinion under reception. Can you shorten his opinion? Also, can you give a general summary of the reviews at the beginning of the paragraph like, "Critics generally found the record…"
  • Do you mean Ian Inglis' opinion, perhaps? (Doesn't seem as if we give that much from Schaffner, does it?) As far as a general comment goes, I'm afraid I can't, not without indulging in OR. JG66 (talk) 06:20, 16 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Summarizing what will be substantiated in the paragraph is not OR. But the paragraph lacks a topic sentence, and I think it would benefit from one. If you look at other GA or even FA song articles, I think you'll see what I'm mean. Just a very brief lead in.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 18:30, 16 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Well, it is in FACs or, say, when other editors come to an article I've taken to GA, that I've seen such editorial links contested, actually. Before then I would always put the reader first – meaning, I tended to agree with the sort of (helpful) link you're suggesting! How do you think it looks now, with the recent changes (most of which I have been able to source, in fact)? JG66 (talk) 04:33, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • I actually did mean Schaffer, but revisiting it, you know, it's not that egregious, and I definitely think trimming Inglis's critique was an improvement.
  • This part: "While Starr was often asked about Harrison, Lennon and McCartney's contributions" -- It's my understanding that possession in a series should each have an apostrophe+s ('s) on the terminal person if the item is shared. So "Mary, Tom, and Shirley's car" is one car they share. "Mary's, Tom's, and Shirley's cars" are three cars that belong to them respectively. I am going to assume that the former Beatle's members fall in the latter category--distinct contributions, which means you would have to add aprostophe+s to each Beatle. That is an option, although it sounds clumsy on my ears, so I would advocate for a re-word to avoid it, particularly since, this article is not using the Oxford comma, it sounds like "Lennon and McCartney's contributions to the album" is a separate clause in an already complex sentence.
  • To me, the third paragraph under "Release and reception" should become the second paragraph, as it is not related to the surrounding critical reception. Also, I don't see why the third and fourth paragraphs aren't consolidated. They both deal with recent, legacy reviews, correct?
  • Ended up taking ex-para 3 to the end of Recording, and set part of it as a note, with some additional text. I think it works better there; not only that, but I'm not convinced any formal legal action was taken. I think Keith Badman went from a late 1976 interview when Starr talks about Harrison threatening to sue and how "we've sorted it all out now, though – it's all okay". The 1988 Aspel joint interview is very well known and great fun; there, a clearly drunk Starr recounts the 1976 phone call as Harrison laughs in the background and tries to interject. But the issue's gained some traction as so many of these rock myths do, which is why I've included it.
  • I wasn't sure whether by "third and fourth paragraphs" you meant the paras beginning "According to Keith Badman" and "Writing more recently, Robert Rodriguez describes", or the latter and "In Simon Leng's estimation"? If it's the second of these pairs, they do indeed cover the same subject from the same perspective. I'm not sure that they need to be consolidated because of this, though – one could say the shorter paragraphs improve readability, no? (At least, that's another point I seem to have picked up from reviewers in the past.) I'll join them up if you want; I'm not too bothered either way. JG66 (talk) 04:33, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • I mean the last two paragraphs in the "Release and reception" section. I still advocate that they be joined. Readibility only comes in when a paragraph is so huge, that if you wanted to go back to a certain part, it would be a Herculean task to find it. I don't think we've crossed that threshold.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 21:38, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Do we have any more information about the music video? I may have missed something, but it seems like there was only a passing mention. Perhaps you can include reviews of it, a screenshot reviews of it.
  • Have added what little I could find – the clip's extremely rare. Certainly not enough critical commentary to merit a screenshot, the quality of which would be dreadful anyway, judging by what I've seen on YouTube. JG66 (talk) 04:33, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • For the reference The New Rolling Stone Encyclopedia of Rock & Roll, absolutely no editorial or author info exists?
  • Well, I've always treated the book in that way – since no author-editors appear on the cover or spine. Looking inside, I just noticed that Patricia Romanowski and Holly George-Warren are credited on the title page and in the CIP data, so I've changed all mentions in the article. JG66 (talk) 04:33, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Great. They should be named according to norms. Also (I really wish I'd caught this earlier) what about Rolling Stone, Harrison? No editorial info for that reference either?--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 21:38, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • The book title is Harrison and the "author" is The Editors of Rolling Stone; unlike in the Encyclopedia above, there are no individual editors named on the title page or in the CIP data. Credits do appear separately, listing editors, designers, researchers, business manager, etc. But to me, they read more like staff credits for a package book – it doesn't seem as if anyone is being singled out as the author-editor. This is an instance where perhaps the approach I took when starting the article (all Sources items separated by commas, years appearing towards the end of each entry, before ISBNs) comes undone. In that, if it were set in the Harvard style – which I'm not a fan of, but will use if it's the established style in an article – the entry under Sources would read: The Editors of Rolling Stone (2002). Harrison. New York, NY: Rolling Stone Press/Simon & Schuster … JG66 (talk) 01:49, 18 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • For this reference: "Bob Woffinden, "Ringo Starr: Rotogravure", NME," is there any page info?
  • No nothing, I'm afraid, same with the Richard Cromelin piece from Creem. Both citations carry a link to the article on Rock's Backpages – I'd hope that's sufficient? I do make a point of looking out for missing details like page numbers when I've come across something as a subscriber to RBP (e.g. when a print source cites the same contemporary article or review), so something could well turn up. JG66 (talk) 04:33, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Except for the couple of questions I have, when I hear back, I'm ready to pass this article!--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 21:38, 17 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Esprit15d: Many thanks for the great review. I'm very happy the article's made GA! Best, JG66 (talk) 12:34, 19 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Congrats!--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 13:34, 19 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
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