Talk:Hooligans in Wondaland Tour/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 21:47, 27 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

First review of a concert article by me ever, hoping this goes well --K. Peake 21:47, 27 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

Infobox looks good
The opening sentence should mention that the tour was across North America; I will suggest further fixes for the current North America sentence later on

Not done See below the reason. Moreover it would clutter the sentence.

"American singer-songwriter Bruno Mars and Janelle Monáe, respectively, to" → "American singer-songwriters Bruno Mars and Janelle Monáe to"
Remove wikilink on studio album
"in February 2011, coinciding with" → "in February 2011; the announcement coincided with"
Wikilink YouTube
"a dedicated website that was" → "a dedicated website, which was"
Instead of writing North America in the following sentence, instead mention some of the places that they took place at

Not done I won't do that as they didn't perform in any place that is worth mentioning, they performed in mostly balrooms in NA and some festivals that are not well known at all. Nothing strikes out of the table below.

It is fine that you did not make any of the North America changes I requested. --K. Peake 20:15, 28 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"May and June that year." → "May and June of that year."
Remove wikilink on Doo-Wops & Hooligans
"one song from" → "one song from her debut EP"
"received a positive reception from" → "received positive reviews from"
"performances, and said they," → "performances. A few critics said they,"
The quote doesn't go well in the lead; maybe change to something like "successfully promoted pop music"?

Partly done the suggestion is not exactly the same.

"was judged by NME to be among" → "was named by [NME]] as one of"

the rest was

Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:50, 28 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Background and development

"titled "Hooligans in Wondaland" was" → "entitled Hooligans in Wondaland was"
"in May and June 2011." → "throughout May and June of 2011."
"were available as bundles with a meet-and-greet" → "were sold as bundles that included a meet-and-greet"
"a digital EP and a" → "a digital EP, and a"
"On February 26, tickets" → "On February 26, 2011, tickets"
Remove the word official since it is not needed and wikilink YouTube
"was named "Hooligans in Wondaland Tour"," → "was named the Hooligans in Wondaland Tour,"

Not done doesn't change the meaning of the sentence.

Why is the tour in speech marks? --K. Peake 11:11, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, I got it, I just tought you wanted to add "the", didn't noticed the quotations marks. I fixed it. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 11:56, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"Mars' album Doo-Wops & Hooligans," → "Mars' debut studio album Doo-Wops & Hooligans (2010)," with the wikilink
"on her album The ArchAndroid." → "on her debut studio album The ArchAndroid (2010)." with the wikilink
Wikilink Apollo Theater
"of the tour, Mars" → "of the Hooligans in Wondaland Tour, Mars"

Done

Sound

"engineer controlled several" → "engineer, controlled several"
Target R-Verb to Reverberation
"and compression of guitar's" → "and compression of the guitar's" with the target
"was mixed with Mars' voice" → "with mixed with his voice"
"said the setup was" → "said her setup was"
Target pitch to Pitch (music)

Done

Concert synopsis

"13-piece orchestra, ArchOrchestra." → "13-piece orchestra, which is ArchOrchestra."
"covering it; and her hair" → "covering it, while her hair"
[15][14][16] should be put in numerical order
"his band The Hooligans." → "his band the Hooligans." per MOS:THEMUSIC
[A] should come before [12][17]
"During the tour," → "During the Hooligans in Wondaland Tour,"
[18][15][13] put in numerical order
"lights, flashing graphic colors" → "lights, and flashing graphic colors"
[18][15][12] put in numerical order

Done with some varitions so please take a closer look

Monáe

[13][14][12] put in numerical order, but why are they all here and not even one at the end of the sentence?

Because the rest of the sentence is not on those sources but on the following one.

"and the dancers wore" → "and the dancers instead wore"
"James Bond-meets-Fantasia" is the actual quote from the article and shouldn't James Bond be italicised? Also, maybe find a target for Fantasia?
Target gospel to Gospel music
[14][12] put in numerical order
"Then, she put on" → "Afterwards, she put on"
"and a cover of" → "as well as a cover of"
Add release year of "I Want You Back" in brackets

Not done I'm not putting the year of release of their songs (Mars or Monáe's) wether is 2010/2011 in between brackets, why should I put the covers? The FA for U2 tour, doesn't have the dates and Lou Reed's "Satellite of Love".

You needn't do that at all and same for the Mars sub-section, these should be fine. --K. Peake 15:03, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

[13][20][16] put in numerical order
Add release year of "Smile" in brackets

Not doneSame as previous.

[15] should not be here since it should solely be at the end of the sentence

Not done I understand what you mean, but the other references are different, so I won't change.

"performance of" → "performance of her 2010 singles" with the target

Not done Why the target on singles? I removed the target of albums...that is not consistant.

[15][16][12] put in numerical order
"of "Cold War" images of" → "of "Cold War", images of"
"and weaving"," → "and weaving", and"

I don't understand this change?

The connective is required to show the two different types of images were displayed. --K. Peake 15:03, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:59, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Target rock to Rock music
Add release year of "Come Alive (The War of the Roses)"

Not done It goes with the previous

[15][12][19] put in numerical order
"During the latter performance," → "While Monáe performed "Tightrope","
Wikilink strobe lights
Wikilink crescendo

Left some questions, everything else was Done

Mars

Target theme to Theme music
Add release year of "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" in brackets Not done
Add release year of "Money (That's What I Want)" in brackets Not done
"the reggae influences on" → "the reggae influences of" with the wikilink
Mention "Billionare" being a collaboration between Travis McCoy and Mars, as well as the release year Partly done
[15][13][14] put in numerical order
Wikilink jazz
[15][14][21] put in numerical order
"During the former performance, he sung the vereses" → "During the performance of "Billionaire", he sung the verses"
"of Aliyah's "Are You That Somebody."" → "of Aliyah's "Are You That Somebody?" (1998)." Not done
"It was followed by the uptempo" → "The song was followed by the uptempo" with the wikilink per MOS:LINK2SECT
Target rock 'n' roll to Rock and roll
[15][13] put in numerical order
"the romantic, The Beach Boys-influenced anthem" → "the romantic, the Beach Boys-influenced anthem" per MOS:THEMUSIC
[15] should be solely at the end of the sentence.
"It also included" → "The performance also included"
Wikilink ukulele
[18][14] put in numerical order
Target chorus to Refrain
Mention "Nothin' on You" being a collaboration between B.o.B and Mars and add the release year in brackets Partly done
Add release year of "Have You Seen Her" in brackets Not done
Lowercase the at the start of the group's name per MOS:THEMUSIC
Add release year of "Just Like Heaven" in brackets
[18][14][22] put in numerical order
"In some concerts," → "For some concerts,"

All Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 19:10, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Critical response

Retitle to Reception since there is a para with one ranking
"received mostly positive reviews" → "were met with mostly positive reviews"
"Chris Gray writing for Houston Press praised" → "Chris Gray, writing for the Houston Press, praised"
Wikilink Easter Bunny
"Jordan Levin from Miami Herald complimented" → "Jordan Levin from the Miami Herald complimented"
"stage together"." → "stage together."" since it is a full quote

I did it but what do you mean with this? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:45, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The part quoted is a full sentence, so needs the grammar inside. --K. Peake 11:11, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"vivacity and soul"." → "vivacity and soul.""
"Shawn White writing for Westword said the tour" → "Shawn White, for Westword said the Hooligans in Wondaland Tour"
"say they are"." → "say they are.""
"Reed Fischer writing for New Times Broward-Palm Beach" → "Reed Fischer, for New Times Broward-Palm Beach,"
"The Hollywood Reporter' s Lauren Schutte" → "The Hollywood Reporter's Lauren Schutte"
"of the ticket" → "of the tickets"

Not done You don't need to buy several tickets, one per person. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:45, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"25 best co-headlined shows, ranking" → "25 best co-headlined shows in 2013, on which she ranked"

Partly done It reads like the show was performed in 2013, henceforth "as of 2013". MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:45, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Everything else

Done

Set list

Bruno Mars Janelle Monáe's → Bruno Mars' and Janelle Monáe's

Not done "If two or more nouns share ownership, indicate the possession only once, and on the final noun in the group" MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 01:18, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The songs should have wikilinks and targets

Not done WP: Overlink, its already otwo sections above, only songs or bands (due to the covers) I didn't mentioned previously.

(Jackson 5 cover) → (The Jackson 5 cover)
"Say You'll Go", on → "Say You'll Go" on
"Wondaland", on → "Wondaland" on
by The Schoolboys, on → by the Schoolboys on
of The Cleftones's "You Belong to Me", on → of the Cleftones' "You Belong to Me" on

Done

Shows

North America → North American concerts
[11][3] put in numerical order
Target Verizon Theatre at Grand Prairie to The Theatre at Grand Prairie
For no opening acts, put N/A

Done

Box office score data

Do the attendance and revenue need to be in bold?

The title usually is. At least is how I have it on my other GA's. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 22:24, 28 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I meant the total figures at the bottom, do they need to be? --K. Peake 11:11, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I have always seen them like that in other GA's. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 11:53, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Personnel

Credits adapted from several sources: → Credits adapted from several sources.
Wikilink AEG

Done

Notes

Good

References

Copyvio score looks decent at 35.9%
Make sure all of these are archived by using the tool
Paste Magazine → Paste on ref 3 and target to Paste (magazine)
Ref 9's last name parameter should solely cite the last name, move R. to first name
Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 11 and wikilink Marketwired
Wikilink Stony Brook University on ref 11 but are you sure this doesn't violate WP:RSSM?
Remove or replace ref 36 per WP:RSSM

How about this one for a replacement 1, 2 or 3? The former two don't state he plays the trombone and on the latter one of his brothers work for the magazine (bias). However, the source you state is not good includes an interview with him, with quotes in between so wouldn't it be reliable? I also found this one [1] but it goes back to 2010, doesn't state 2011. It was published seven years ago...so around 2013 and "He’s been a part of Bruno Mars’s band for three years", thus 2010. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 02:19, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

It is fine to keep actually, since I did not realize what you just said about the source being an interview with him... --K. Peake 11:11, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

All

Done

Final comments and verdict

On hold after completing my first review of a tour article ever!!! --K. Peake 20:15, 28 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

MarioSoulTruthFan I have made some responses to you above. --K. Peake 11:11, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Kyle Peake I left a couple of questions on Monáe's section I would like you to answer before I move into Mars' section as some of the same issues happen. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:18, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

MarioSoulTruthFan The response(s) will probably help with any issues in the later sub-section. --K. Peake 15:03, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Kyle Peake Everything has been addressed. I also added a new review, Variety source. Cheers. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 19:17, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

MarioSoulTruthFan Why didn't you change that sentence to beginning with "For some concerts," like I requested? --K. Peake 19:44, 29 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Kyle Peake I fixed it.

MarioSoulTruthFan ✓ Pass now, good job and thank you for remaining civil as always; you are a pleasure to work with! --K. Peake 07:19, 30 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.