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Talk:Hoedown Throwdown/GA1

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GA Review

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: --Legolas (talk2me) 08:14, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hi all I will be reviewing this article for GA criteria. Before that the article has to pass the quick-fail criteria.--Legolas (talk2me) 08:14, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for reviewing! I'm not the nominator, but I will try to fix up some issues. I hope you don't mind, but I added a level three header to your prose comments beneath the check list to make editing just that section easier.Liquidluck (talk) 18:44, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
NP. :) --Legolas (talk2me) 04:27, 27 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Prose

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Verifiability

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The article passes the quick-fail criteria. Now the main review. --Legolas (talk2me) 08:35, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

GA list

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GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
    Fails in both respects. Pointed below.
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
    Usage of {{cite web}} and {{cite news}} templates are encouraged where the content is from web or webnews respectively. A large part of the dance section is unreferenced and hence fails WP:NOR
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
    Tend to go fancrufty sometimes
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
    File:Hoedown.JPG needs to be 300x300.
  1. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
    On hold for seven days. --Legolas (talk2me) 09:45, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Issues

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Lead

#the soundtrack to Hannah --> from the soundtrack of Hannah

 Done I changed this to "for", since from is already used in the sentence. Liquidluck (talk) 18:44, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  1. dancce steps ?
 Done Goodness, this probably should have undergone a more thorough copy-editing before nomination. Liquidluck (talk) 18:44, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  1. with reviewers calling it "more of a parody" of its orignal concept to "epic". --> singular point hence not encompassable in WP:LEAD. Remove.
This was originally "...mixed, with reviews ranging from "goofy" to "epic". Would changing this back to the original sentence be fine? Liquidluck (talk) 18:44, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Just keep it as "The song received mixed reviews . --Legolas (talk2me) 05:43, 26 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Writing and development
  1. Rename it as Background because does not exactly talk about writing, rather the development of the song.
I made it a level 3 header beneath "Background". Is that alright? The structure was supposed to emulate the GA song Just Dance.
Cool. --Legolas (talk2me) 05:43, 26 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  1. similar to the "Macarena"[3] or the "Funky Chicken".[3] --> First of all a singular reference at the end of the line should do, and secondly include the date of release of the singles in brackets after the names.
The Macarena was released in 1995, but The Funky Chicken doesn't have a release date- it was just popular in the 1950's. Should the brackets be added for the Macarena at the risk of making the sentence appear asymmetric (for lack of a better word)? Liquidluck (talk) 18:44, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Add the brackets. --Legolas (talk2me) 05:43, 26 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Done, I think. -- Ipodnano05 (talk) 00:20, 27 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  1. the main theme of the film, by "combin[ing] Miley Stewart’s L.A. hip-hop/pop style with her country roots", the theme of the film. --> Rephrase
 Done Sorry about that. Liquidluck (talk) 18:44, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Anders and Hasman also wrote "Send It On", a charity single Cyrus collaborated on later in 2009 - WP:UNDUE
 Done removed. Liquidluck (talk) 07:21, 25 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  1. The collaborators referred to the song by the working title "The Project" for a while before naming it the "Hoedown Throwdown". The filmmakers also nicknamed the song "Miley’s Macarena" --> The song was known as "The Project", as well as "Miley's Macarena" before Hoedown Throwdown was chosen as the official name for it.
"Miley's Macarena was just a nickname, not an official working title or anything. I rephrased it to make this more clear. Liquidluck (talk) 07:21, 25 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Music and lyrics
  1. Combine this section with the Writing and Inspiration.

 Done Liquidluck (talk) 18:44, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Dance

#The whole first paragraph is unreferenced. And completely full of fancruft.

    1. We don't need a line by line connotation of how to do the HT. Also it doesnot have any source hence I assume that the process or the method of dancing didnot receive that much of third party notability. So it either should be trimmed to three lines or consider removing it altogether. --Legolas (talk2me) 05:43, 26 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    2. Removed unsourced info on the first paragraph. -- Ipodnano05 (talk) 00:07, 27 October 2009 (UTC
  2. Throughout the evening, Cyrus and Simms broke down each dance move --> broke down?
  3. Cyrus explained the dance requires --> Cyrus explained the dance required
  4. Ann Donahue of Billboard says that by chance she found out "exactly how Cyrus' legion of preteen female fans is learning the dance: YouTube onscreen, phone to ear, someone on phone offering encouragement amid occasional peals of laughter." --> WP:UNDUE
  5. Reportedly, the --> By whose reports?

)

chart

#The song received mediocre airplay due to it not being released for mainstream radio and only Radio Disney. --> source?

  1. The then scaled to new --> ???
  2. The song also peaked at number twenty-nine the canceled Pop 100 chart --> ???
  3. In Canada, the song peaked at number fifteen for the week ending May 2, 2009 --> The week is not necessary.
  4. Australian ARIA Singles Chart --> Doesnot mean anything. Its Australian Singles Chart only as discussed at WP:CHARTS.
  5. after three weeks of finding new peaks --> delete
  6. New Zealand RIANZ Singels chart --> see above
  7. "find new peaks for four weeks, until settling for " --> delete
  8. IT entered the --> MoS
  9. on the week ending May 7, 2009 debuted and peaked at number ten --> It debuted on the Irish Singles Chart at number ??? and peaked at number ten. --> Please keep these kind of lines as simple as possible.
  10. also reahced charts --> sp
 Done Addressed all issues. -- Ipodnano05 (talk) 22:05, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
music video

#Remove the word promotional. You don't have to make it explicit.

  1. The song's promotional music video, directed by Peter Chelsom, is an excerpt from Hannah Montana: The Movie that premiered on February 16, 2008 on Disney Channel --> not clear what is the word that referring to. Rephrase.
    1. Not addressed. --Legolas (talk2me) 05:43, 26 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
      1. Replaced that with which. -- Ipodnano05 (talk) 00:09, 27 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

#It the switches words, --> ???

  1. A quick montage of Hannah Montana and Miley Stewart then play --> A quick montage of Hannah Montana and Miley Stewart are played,

;live performances

  1. the "Howdown Throwdown" --> remove the
charts and peaks

#remove and peaks, its obvious its about the peaks

  1. REmove ARIA and RIANZ

These are all I found at present. Very poor structure of the prose. The material here is fine but its teh prose that hinders its appeal. Concerned editor please clean it up and address my concerns within the future seven days. 09:45, 23 October 2009 (UTC)

There are still issues present as I see. --Legolas (talk2me) 05:43, 26 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Looks cool and ready to be a GA now. Congratulations! --Legolas (talk2me) 04:27, 27 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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