Talk:Herbert E. Balch/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cwmhiraeth (talk · contribs) 09:59, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I propose taking on this review. I was at one time a keen caver and am reputed to have first met my husband in a cave; the Daily Mail stated this under the heading "Cave romance" so it must be true! Cwmhiraeth (talk) 09:59, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Well, I've only caved once, so I hope that I've done the article justice! Is your husband one of the cave-dwellers? Worm^TT(talk) 10:05, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

First reading

The article seems basically sound but lacks polish.

"He left school at 14 and became messenger boy at Wells post office, where remained for his entire working life, working his way up to postmaster." - This sentence needs attention.
Done
"As Balch finished his formal education early, he compensated through self improvement, discovering new caving techniques and carefully recording his finds." - This sentence is a bit of a non-sequitur and could be rephrased.
Done
"Whilst working as a messenger, he spent a lot of time at Wookey Hole, where he began caving in the mid-1880s" - Did his messenger duties take him underground?
Done
"He would spend his free time on Saturdays and sometimes leaving directly after work, caving overnight returning in time to wash before returning to work." - This sentence needs attention.
Done
"Despite the publicity around the find, Balch refused to disclose the location of the cave for fear of safety of amateur explorers." - The end of this sentence could be better expressed.
Done
"excavations" - we called them "digs" - the article could explain the purpose of the excavations.
"Balch conducted excavations in conjunction with the Somerset Archaeological and Natural History Society such as Chelmscombe Cave in Cheddar Gorge." - This is another awkward sentence.
Removed a bit and reworded. Done
"In 1906, Balch focussed on the investigation of the Iron Age cave dwellers in Wookey Hole, with other members of the Mendip Nature Research Committee they started a four-year investigation of Wookey Hole, mapping the caves, drawing finds and taking photographs." - Ditto.
Done
"Balch was consulted by water companies who were looking for new water supplies." Why?
I've added "As an authority on the caves under the Mendip Hills", I believe they were considering looking for underground water sources - hope that's clear enough. Otherwise I might just remove the sentence all together, it's not massively important to the article, just something I found interesting. Worm^TT(talk)
You need to be consistent as to whether you capitalise "cathedral".
I believe it should only be a capital when a proper name (Wells Cathedral). I've taken out a redundant "the" to make it clearer, but the inconsistency does match Wells Cathedral's article. Worm^TT(talk)
"The museum has grown significantly by 1928 so Balch persuaded William Wyndham to purchase a property for the museum on the cathedral green." - Tense.
Done
"The museum was relocated in 1932 there, becoming the Wells and Mendip Museum." - This sentence wants rearranging.
Done
"Balch was awarded the freedom of the city of Wells" - Capitalise city.
Done
Looking back now at the Lead, to see if it adequately summarises the article, the words "underground labyrinths" look out of place and anyway isn't mentioned in the body of the text.
removed Done
I think "Wells post office", in the lead and later, should be capitalised.
Done throughout.
"he gained scholarship to" - Word missing.
Done
"Balch took up caving after attending a talk by William Boyd Dawkins," - I think this statement is inaccurate.
You're right, fixed. Done
"Balch lead a number of expeditions through the caves near Wookey Hole, discovering and mapping many caves." - For a start, it should be "led", but what does the sentence mean? Was he acting as a guide for parties of novices or what?
Exploration and documentation, I've changed it to exploration which I think is more clear for the lead.
The article uses the name "Wookey Hole" in several places, but you need to make it clear whether you are referring to the village or the cavern.
Done
"... he founded the Wells Museum, largely including his own collection of artefacts." - This could be better expressed.
- That's all for now. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 11:41, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

GA Criteria

The article is well written and complies with MOS guidelines on prose and grammar, structure and layout.
The article uses several reliable third-party sources, and makes frequent citations to them. I do not believe it contains original research.
The article covers the main aspects of the subject and remains focussed.
The article is neutral.
The article is stable.
The single image is relevant, has a suitable caption, and is in the public domain.

Final assessment - I believe this article reaches the GA criteria. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 13:54, 3 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]