Jump to content

Talk:Hack Wilson/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: A HoF ball player I haven't substantially edited, I can review that. Muboshgu (talk · contribs) 18:22, 24 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, time to start. I'm time constrained at the moment, so I'm going to do this review in sections.

Lead
  • "He is best remembered for his 1930 season with the Cubs, one of the best individual single-season hitting performances in Major League Baseball history, during which he hit 56 home runs (the National League record for 68 years) and 191 runs batted in, a mark that has withstood serious challenge for over 80 years."
    • This sentence is a run-on, and needs to be broken into two, or maybe three.
Fixed.
    • There is significant subjectivity in this sentence that concerns me.
I'm not sure what to do with this point; the fact that his 1930 season is recognized as such is amply documented in the body of the article, and the stats are obviously not subjective.
I like what's been done here. It's far less subjective, relying on the facts, which include that it is widely considered one of the best individual seasons.
Early life and minor leagues
  • He may have had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but we can never know that for sure. This section seems to present the conclusion that he indeed did have FAS, but to maintain WP:V, that should be changed to show that it is now thought to be the case. Saying that his accomplishments are "all the more remarkable" given his potential FAS violates WP:NPOV.
To the first point, we do indeed know for sure that he had FAS: His mother drank heavily during her pregnancy, and he had all of the classic physical components of the syndrome. That's how the diagnosis is made, on history and physical findings alone. All of this is documented in the cited sources; we did not make the diagnosis, the sources did. To the second point, I can see where this could be considered inconsistent with NPOV, although the point is made more than once in the cited sources; I will modify that.
I'll have to read the sources on Wilson and FAS more closely to see for myself.
Okay, according to Fetal alcohol syndrome, there are benchmarks that must be met for a diagnosis of FAS. One of them is CNS damage, which I don't believe can be proven in Wilson's case. Anyway, it does seem that there is enough circumstantial evidence, at the least, to suggest FAS, though I don't think there's enough concrete evidence to prove it. Anyway, the way it's written now is satisfactory.
  • "swinging a sledge hammer at a locomotive factory for a salary of four dollars a week" is lifted directly from the source. That needs to be rewritten, and I'll have to do a check for any close paraphrasing.
I will modify this, if it is indeed verbatim.
  • The {{by}} template should not be used in prose. Please convert to wikilinks.
I don't know what this means, but I'll find out.
There were two instances I just found and corrected.
Done, although "games played" is self-explanatory, is it not?
Not necessarily to the lay audience, or else it wouldn't have a wikipage.
  • "New York Giants manager John McGraw purchased Wilson's contract from Portsmouth for $10,500 late in the season, and he made his major league debut with the Giants on September 29, 1923" - shouldn't this be in the New York Giants section?
The purchase took place while he was still in Portsmouth and so belongs there, as I understand the conventions. I'll move the second half.
That works.
New York Giants
  • Do we know when he got the nickname "Hack"? I'm not sure why it's placed here specifically.
I've found no specific reference to this, but it might be in the new biography; I'll check.
I see this has been added, as it appears to have originated with his time in NY.
  • Wikilink home runs, runs batted in, on-base percentage, introduce the acronyms "RBI" and "OBP" at first usage.
Done.
Glory years with the Cubs
Done.
  • "lashing out with two blows" - seems overly colloquial, a possible copy-paste from the source?
I've been thinking about changing this ever since I first read it -- now would be a good time.
  • "In late 1929 Wilson signed a contract to fight Art Shires of the Chicago White Sox in a boxing match;[29] but when Shires lost a fight to Chicago Bears player George Trafton in December, Wilson backed out, claiming no benefit to fighting a defeated boxer.[30]" - improper grammar, a semi-colon makes it essentially a new sentence, that needs a minor fix.
A colon would make it functionally a new sentence. I didn't write this, but I suspect the semicolon was added to separate the internal punctuation (commas). That said, I don't particularly like the sentence as a whole; I'll modify it.

More to come. – Muboshgu (talk) 23:23, 2 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Continuing my review, sorry for the delay...

Glory years with the Cubs (continued)
Done.
1930
The peak
  • "(Closest was 165 by Manny Ramirez in 1999.)" This is not grammatical.
Fixed.
Decline
  • "began 1933 in spectacular fashion" - NPOV
  • "9th" --> "ninth", "2" --> "two"
  • Albany Senators, what league were they in? What was its classification?
I believe these have all been fixed, but if not I'll do it.
Life after baseball
The city names I understand, but are pneumonia and hemorrhage so obscure that they need linking, in an article that is already overlinked?
It's not overlinking if a term is linked once, on its first usage.
  • Only one sentence on his Hall of Fame induction? Is there anything more you can add about consideration he received for the Hall, including the writers ballot?
I will check the new biography.

That's all I can see for now. I'll add anything else I come across, and the article is now on hold for a week to allow for improvements. – Muboshgu (talk) 19:37, 8 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll re-review this over the weekend. Can't today. – Muboshgu (talk) 14:46, 18 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Re-reviewing now. Let's see if we can close this down. – Muboshgu (talk) 17:03, 24 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

New issue: a sentence in the "Life after baseball" section needs a citation. "A Martinsburg street is named Hack Wilson Way in his honor." Otherwise, I think I can close this as a pass. – Muboshgu (talk) 17:34, 24 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Found the requested citation, and in the process, discovered another street named for him! Thanks for fixing the two "by" templates that I missed. And thanks for your time/effort in doing the review. DoctorJoeE talk to me! 21:34, 24 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Since that was the last issue, because Muboshgu is on a wikibreak, I'll promote this in his stead; I trust that won't be an issue. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 03:55, 31 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Not at all. If I had more time, I would've passed it myself before my vacation, but other things came up. I was just coming here to pass it now. Good work. – Muboshgu (talk) 14:34, 1 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I've just returned from my vacation. Thanks to all who helped promote this to GA status. Job well done.Orsoni (talk) 11:58, 2 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Hack_Wilson/GA1&oldid=1136782917"