Talk:Grandma Moses/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Rosiestep (talk · contribs) 14:51, 3 September 2014 (UTC)

I will review this one within seven days. --Rosiestep (talk) 14:51, 3 September 2014 (UTC)

Lede

• Add a bit about early life, marriage, children.

Early life

• "Born" is used 3 times in the first 2 sentences. Suggest some rewording.
• wl upstate New York and flax mill
• add info about her formal education (there's some info in the NY Times article, but perhaps elsewhere as well)

Marriage and children

• wl potato chips
• "During this time" - add comma
• avoid 1 sentence paragraphs
• "... continued to operate the farm, with the help of her son Forrest." - Either put quotes around it or rephrase as it's lifted from the NY Times article (December 14, 1961), "... continued to operate the farm with the help of her son, Forrest.".<ref>http://www.nytimes.com/learning/general/onthisday/bday/0907.html</ref> Because I noticed this copyvio, I'm concerned there may be others which I haven't found yet. It's clear in the edit history that another editor added the phrase, not you. But before I continue with the GA review, please give the article a copyvio/close paraphrasing review yourself.

@CaroleHenson: Thanks for the improvements you've made thus far to this article; it's mostly in good shape. Please ping me when you're ready for me to continue the review. I'll put it On Hold for 7 days. --Rosiestep (talk) 17:03, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Thanks so much, Rosiestep.

Updates:

• Early life 1st two bullets - reworded initial sentences, "upstate New York" was removed in the rewording, wl flax mill
• Marriage and children - resolved 1st two bullets, reworded sentence about Forrest

This leaves:

• addition to the lede Done
• add information about her formal education Done, there was very little information about her education. There was a snippet - that I couldn't fully read - that said something about not being able to go to school much because of work that was needed to be done on the farm. Since it was a snippet, of course I cannot use it, nor confirm if that referred to her or another person. I did find something about her school being made into the museum that holds a large number of her works
• review for copyvio - this one will take some time to review all sources to content

I'll ping you when I've completed all the steps.--CaroleHenson (talk) 19:05, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Updates. Will come back later for the thorough comparison of sources to article content.--CaroleHenson (talk) 20:14, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

I've started User:CaroleHenson/Grandma Moses - check sources to document the review of the sources.--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:02, 9 September 2014 (UTC)

@Rosiestep: I have now addressed all of your issues. There are a couple of places where I could not verify the source, which I noted in User:CaroleHenson/Grandma Moses - check sources, and I made edits to the article where needed. The one I had a question about is that her "exhibitions broke attendance records" in the last paragraph of "Initial exhibitions". (comment: since the work page was just an audit mechanism I did not go back and check for grammar, etc. there).--CaroleHenson (talk) 03:51, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

Lede

• Regarding "$1.2 million": Per WP:$, In general, the first mention of a particular currency should use its full, unambiguous signifier (e.g. A$52), with subsequent references using just the appropriate symbol (e.g. $88), unless this would be unclear.
  •  Done--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

Early life

Issues resolved.

Marriage and children

• "... in 1905 the Anna and Robert ..." - needs rewording, or remove "the"
  •  Done, removed "the"--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)
• "Their farm, near the place Anna Mary was born, was named "Mount Nebo". " - How about: Their farm, near Anna Mary's birthplace, was named "Mount Nebo".
  •  Done Since that's the way it's worded in the source - and removing her birthplace phrase means the remaining sentence is the same / nearly the same as the source, I've just removed the sentence and put "farm" in the previous sentence. It's not important.--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)
• The word "her" is used 3 times in the last sentence. Suggest using her given name somewhere in there.
  •  Done--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

Decorative arts

• Unnecessray to refer to her with full name, "Anna Mary Moses", in this section.
  •  Done--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

Style

• "Moses painted mostly..." - suggest: Moses mostly painted
  • "Mostly painted" was used in the source. I removed "mostly" and the sentence is still fine. Done--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

Initial exhibitions

• I would avoid 1 sentence paragraphs in this section and others further into the article.
  •  Done, for the "Legacy" section, I bulletted the items.--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

Acclaim

• I'm not sure she "earned" the honorary doctoral degrees - perhaps "bestowed"?
  • I like it!  Done--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)
• "... which was an Academy Award nomination" - consider rewording, "which earned an Academy Award nomination"
  • Another issue of then wording it like the source... in this case since there's a limited number of ways to say it, I'm guessing that's fine. I kept going back and forth on that throughout the re-write. Done--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)
• " In 1955 she..." - needs a comma (I get that dates are normally set off with commas - I just had so many removed by other contributors I got out of the habit.)
  •  Done--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

References

• New York Times - The New York Times
• The Herald-Independent - The Herald-Independent
  • both  Done--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

Cats

• Ok, although Category:American painters seems unnecessary
  • Yes, since American woman painters is a subcategory  Done--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

Infobox

• Ok

Images

• Ok

@CaroleHenson: Thank you for the improvements you've made thus far. Please ping me when you're ready for me to take a final look at it. --Rosiestep (talk) 05:11, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

@Rosiestep:Great! It seems like it's easier to keep track of my updates if I insert them in the list. It's getting nicely polished, thanks!--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:09, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose quality:

   B. MoS compliance:

2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A. References to sources:

   B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

   C. No original research:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused:

4. Is it neutral?

   Fair representation without bias:

5. Is it stable?

   No edit wars, etc:

6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

   B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

Good job. Looks adequate for GA. --Rosiestep (talk) 14:05, 11 September 2014 (UTC)

@Rosiestep: Thank you for the review!--CaroleHenson (talk) 15:11, 11 September 2014 (UTC)