Jump to content

Talk:Friedrich Ritter von Röth/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 00:23, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Will review, shortly. Eddie891 Talk Work 00:23, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

First impressions
  • Lede is a little bit short, would benefit from an additional sentence or two
    • Added reason he picked on observation balloons.
    • Added another.
  • Don't need to bold the name in the article body
    • Unbolded.
  • What makes http://www.theaerodrome.com/ a reliable source
    • It is run by the very same authors who write authoritative aviation history books for Grub Street and Osprey Publishing. I doubt they tell the truth in print and lie on the website.
  • I think the article body is generally underlinked, recommend taking a pass through

Looks good overall, I'll circle back for more complete review shortly. Eddie891 Talk Work 23:36, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • citations in the lede are discouraged per WP:LEDECITE
    • Eliminated.
  • "He was just graduating college" do we know what college?
    • Source does not say.
  • "He was seriously wounded early in the war," do we know when?
    • Source is vague.
  • "he was commissioned on" commissioned as?
    • As a Leutnant. Linked it and 'commissioned'.
  • "he did not win his wings" what does 'winning wings' refer to here? Is there anywhere you can link?
    • 'Winning wings' means qualifying as a flier. Change made.
  • "he served in Jagdstaffel 34," I think the article would benefit if you ad a descriptor (i.e. "the unit Jagdstaffel 34" or a more appropriate term)
    • 'fighter squadron' supplied.
  • "did not enjoy any success" I think would read better as "was unsuccessful"
    • Done.
  • "his effort on"
  • ???
  • "took up firing upon balloons" maybe "began targeting balloons" because presumably he wouldn't avoid firing on them before, but after switched to targeting them
    • Rewritten.
  • "The balloons were so well defended because they were an important part of the artillery fire direction systems of World War I" I think this sentence might make more sense before you talk about how well defended they were to introduce it (i.e. "An important part of the artillery fire direction systems of World War I, the balloons were well defended."
    • Added explanatory sentence.
  • "Röth was assigned to command Jagdstaffel 16 " why is this un-italicized but the others are (italicized, that is)
    • Italicized.
  • "pious and courageous" can you quote the source in saying this or provide further explanation for why he was known as this? It strikes me as a bit odd to say "pious and courageous" in the wiki-voice with little further explanation
  • "He also loaded his guns" -> "loaded his guns with [something]"?
    • Bullets, what else?
    • To quote: "He also loaded his guns to maximize effectiveness against balloons; his left-hand machine gun would be loaded with 80 percent incendiaries and 20 percent armor-piercing, and the right-hand gun vice versa."
  • can you clarify the image captioned "Röth's Albatros DVa was not quite this colorful." How did his DVa differ from this pictured?
    • Copied description from text to serve as caption. To wit: "...bore a white propeller spinner, yellow fuselage, and gray engine cowling, and wheel covers. Painted on the fuselage's side even with the trailing edge of the cockpit was a large disk divided into white and black halves." I don't understand this is preferable to original.
  • ""Röth flamed five balloons" maybe a more (boring) descriptive word than 'flamed'?
    • Slight rewrite. They did burn, though.
  • "He went on to bag three balloons " ditto but with "bag"
    • 'destroy' for 'bag'.
  • "he was being piloted against orders" piloted by who? Why?
    • "...by a friend..." "...to observe the war's end..."
  • "because his suicide was considered a sin" considered by who?
    • His pious Catholic family.
      • Couldn't substantiate that, so deleted it.
  • "also entitled him to a lifelong pension" since he was dead, that means no pension?
    • By regulation, the award came with a lifelong pension. Yes, there is abundant irony there.

that's the bulk of my comments, sorry they took so long. Nice work, and these are by no means orders, they are suggestions. If you don't like any, I'm happy to be convinced that they aren't needed or necessary. Cheers, Eddie891 Talk Work 20:25, 28 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Friedrich_Ritter_von_Röth/GA1&oldid=986454914"