Talk:French battleship Jean Bart (1940)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Kges1901 (talk · contribs) 22:40, 27 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Will take this review. Relatively famous ship; I remember reading the account of the Jean Bart's gun duel during Operation Torch in Rick Atkinson's An Army at Dawn.

Lead

completed by 1 May 1955 - Is the exact date important enough for the lead?
- Probably not
French intervention in the Suez Crisis - Suggest linking 'French intervention' to Operation Musketeer (1956)
- Good idea
initially used as a barracks ship until 1961 - 'initially' is redundant here as giving the year 1961 places a timeframe on the barracks ship period
- Removed

More later. Kges1901 (talk) 22:40, 27 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Design

necessitated the Dunkerque layout - suggest necessitated a repetition of the Dunkerque layout
- Done
152 mm (6 in) /55 Mle 1930 guns - appears to be an extra space between (6 in) and /
- There isn't one
The way that the sentences about the Washington treaty violations are phrased in the Richeliu article reads smoother, and I'd suggest using a modified version of that instead
- Reworded - see how it works for you
Tonnage and draft completed with is not mentioned
- Right, that section is for the original design
Radars that she was completed with are named in infobox but not text
- Those weren't part of the original design
  - Yes, but shouldn't the statistics as completed be mentioned somewhere in the body?
    - That's a good point - added to the body. Parsecboy (talk) 11:49, 30 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

but the shell handling equipment had not been installed, nor had the necessary fire control systems - suggest but it lacked necessary shell handling equipment and fire control systems
- Done
The superfiring turret had neither its guns or armor and none of the secondary turrets had been installed, nor had the 100 mm guns, construction of which had been delayed. - suggest rephrasing as The superfiring turret was without its guns and armor, while the secondary turrets had not been installed.
- Done
in place of the 100 mm guns - suggest mentioning the construction delays here as in place of the construction-delayed 100 mm guns
- Reworded differently - see how it reads
they had that time had no ammunition or directors - suggest possibly they had no ammunition or directors at the time
- Works for me
fr:Pierre-Jean Ronarc'h appears notable as he reached VADM rank and had significant naval commands later in the war
- Good find
Casablanca in French North Africa - If you're going to say that Oran was in French Algeria (below), then Casablanca is specifically in French Morocco
- Good point
picked up the destroyers --> rendezvoused with the destroyers
- Done
Following the French defeat --> suggest Following their defeat
- Done
but they ultimately agreed to take Jean Bart and Richelieu to Toulon to be demobilized - The reason why this didn't ultimately happen is explained in the Richeliu article and I suggest you mention it here too as it seems relevant
- Added
Barthes - first name was Émile Barthes
- Added
After direct the ship's guns - add was improvised. to make this sentence make sense
- This is what happens when you forget what you were writing when you spend several minutes trying to find an article to link Sidi Abderrahman
An American fleet that included - fleet should be covering force
- Done
Ironically El Hank has a better article on frwiki than Sidi Abderrahman
exploded in the magazines for the 152 mm guns, though as the guns had never been installed, the magazines were empty - suggest condensing as exploded in the empty magazines for the uninstalled 152 mm guns
- Done
cruiser Augusta --> heavy cruiser Augusta
- Done
Two of the bombers scored hits, --> Two of the bombers scored hits;
- Done
Extensive flooding led the ship to settle by the stern, the turbo generator room was full of water and the main diesel generators had been disabled by shock from the bomb explosions - How about Extensive flooding led the ship to settle by the stern and submerged the turbo generator room, while shock from the bomb explosions disabled the main diesel generators,...
- Works for me
and another 22 had been wounded --> and the same number wounded
- Done
began already on --> had already begun on
- Fixed
Note that Fenard was head of the French naval mission to the US (per frwiki article)
- Done
report to US Admiral Frederick J. Horne, the Vice Chief of Naval Operations, --> report to American Vice Chief of Naval Operations Admiral Frederick J. Horne
- Done
Service Central des Constructions et Armes Navales - Note that it was a Free French naval technical department, and can a translation be provided
- Done
damaged guns aboard Richelieu - From the Dakar Raid?
- From the Battle of Dakar, but I don't know that it's directly relevant to this article
including Fenard and Admirals Pierre Barjot and Louis Kahn - less awkward as including Fenard as well as Admirals Pierre Barjot and Louis Kahn
- Done
that "there - delete redundant "that"
- Fixed
Groupe des bâtiments de ligne - translation needed
- Added
disbanded in 1950 - reason why it was disbanded?
- Jordan & Dumas don't say
By this time, the ship's main and secondary batteries were operational --> The ship's main and secondary batteries were by now operational
- Done
Operation Mousquetaire - link Operation Musketeer (1956), italics for Mousquetaire
- Link added, but as far as I'm aware, operation names aren't italicized even if they're foreign language
Should be mentioned that in addition to the 1er REP, they also embarked Commando Hubert frogmen per Jordan and Dumas
- Ah, I had missed that
paratroopers - because of the above, --> paratroopers and frogmen
- Done
time at sea --> period at sea
- Done
, and so --> ; thus,
- Done
she was struck from the naval register and renamed --> she was struck from the naval register, renamed
- Done
May be significant that the anchor was preserved, see File:Ancre du cuirassé Jean Bart - entrée du Port de Saint-Nazaire.jpg
- Added the photo to the article
A better version of File:Jeanbart.jpg is available at NHHC
- Uploaded over the old one.
  - Found a better version of the lead image as well. Parsecboy (talk) 11:59, 30 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

That's me done. Kges1901 (talk) 18:03, 28 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Kges, I think that's everything now. Parsecboy (talk) 11:49, 30 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]