Talk:Freddy Galvis/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Coemgenus (talk · contribs) 12:03, 30 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

If the Phillies aren't going to have a good season, they may as well have some good articles. I'll review this one over the next couple days. --Coemgenus (talk) 12:03, 30 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Comments

Lede

Should probably link PEDs.
"potentially a candidate" could probably just be "potentially" or "a candidate", not both.

Early life

A pet peeve: "before" is almost always better than "prior to". If you disagree, that's fine, I certainly won't hold this up over such a minor point, but I think it improves the writing.

Minor league career

"Galvis participated in the Florida Instructional League in 2006 before he began his professional career in 2007..." Two issues here. Is the Florida Instructional League not professional? Also: the sentence is long, would be better as two sentences.
"The subsequent May..." sounds strange. Maybe "The following May..." Or ""That May..."
"Subsequently, Galvis was promoted to the Triple-A...." It might be better just to say when he was promoted. Like "In June [or whenever it was], Galvis was promoted...."

Major league career

"...eventually diagnosed as a Pars fracture in his back." To avoid saying "diagnosed" twice in the same sentence, I'd change this to "discovered to be" or something similar.

Player profile

"...Phillies' writer Michael Baumann,..." You already introduce Baumann in the previous paragraph.

Personal life

"...ostensibly susceptible..." "Ostensibly" stands out here, probably because you used it already in an earlier paragraph. Maybe "thought to be" is a good substitute?

Fixed Thanks for the speedy review. All were great suggestions. Go Phightins! 13:50, 30 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Wow, this was a quick one. I can't see anything else that needs fixing. Nice work. Let's go Phils! --Coemgenus (talk) 14:10, 30 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]