Talk:Foxy Lady (Cher album)

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Foxy Lady (Cher album)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewing

I will undertake this review. The article appears stable, is mostly neutral, but see some discussion below, and its image appears in order per the rules for low-res images of album covers. Kudos to the editors for locating the original charts online at Canadian archives. This article has a range of substantive issues that mean it cannot pass in its current form. I will outline the issues and place it on hold, but I am not sure they can be addressed within a week.

Lead

Two issues:

• There are tense changes - the album "is" the eighth but "was" the second and last for Kapp.
• "Cher again collaborates with..." This reads as though this WP article is a continuation of another. It should be written to be self-contained.

Referencing

• The article's main deficiency is in its referencing. The whole first para of the main section is unreferenced. An essential feature of a GA about a band or album is the critical reviews, evaluations and analysis. This is all unreferenced, apart from the sentence "Possibly it was due to this war between Garrett and Bono that damaged the sales of the record".
• Cher is a major figure in modern entertainment. Books have been written about her, feature magazine profile articles etc etc. Some of these have to be covered at GA level.
• Apart from the Canadian archive site, it isn't clear whether the few references that are cited are reliable sources for WP. My skim reading of Cher Scholar makes me doubt that they are sound.

Structure

The section "Album information" needs to be two, three or four sections, and lacks sufficient details. There should be one on the background, recording, personnel; one on the content of the album - individual tracks, who wrote them, what they are like; one on tours etc / costumes / marketing; and one on critical reception.

Interpretation of sources

The sentence mentioned earlier, "Possibly it was due to this war between Garrett and Bono that damaged the sales of the record" raises a problem of interpretation of the sources. The article says "this war": first of all, no conflict is mentioned in the preceding para - one has to go a couple of paras back in the article to know what this is about, so the word "this" doesn't work. Second the cited sources talks of a "tug of war", which is a very different thing to a "war" in terms of the sorts of scene it evokes. The language is wrong.

Written expression

Just a few examples of issues:

• "Despite discrete sales of the first single..." What are discrete sales? Under the counter? Poor sales? Odd choice of words.
• "In 1976, when Cher was busy with her "The Cher Show", was released a line of dolls by Mego Corporation". This isn't grammatical - i fixed it.
• "...a pink metallic with a overlaid black lace" A pink metallic what with an overlaid black lace what?
• "Like her previous album were released only two singles." This isn't a sentence.

Contact me at my talk page if you want to discuss, and I will drop by to see how things are going. cheers. hamiltonstone (talk) 11:54, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

Outside comment

Recommend failing at this time due to lack of reliable sources. Other than the music charts, the sources are Cher fan sites. Thatcher 21:00, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Agree. Copyedit has improved prose, but structure and referencing issues remain. hamiltonstone (talk) 05:58, 1 October 2009 (UTC)

Grammar edits

Since the above comments were posted, I did quite a bit of grammar and sentence structure editing. I still think the article is problematic, particularly since I know essentially nothing about the topic itself (I was just trying to make sense of the English); as a result I am not the appropriate person to check into references, expand sections, or do other editing regarding content. Still, I don't know whether the grammar edits alone may clarify some of the questioned points of the article. Perhaps someone should take another quick look?

Tigger-ibby (talk) 01:59, 28 September 2009 (UTC)

Hi!, thanks for your work, I've read the page and I think that your edits are very well. Kekkomereq4 (talk) 20:52, 5 October 2009 (UTC)

External links modified

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