Talk:East Bengal Ultras/GA3

GA Review

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Reviewer: Kosack (talk · contribs) 14:36, 12 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Picking this one up, review coming soon. Kosack (talk) 14:36, 12 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox

The North Stand is mentioned here but not in the text, so it needs a source.

Lead

"also known as the Bangal Brigade (due to the ethnicity of majority of the fanbase)", this appears to be a direct copy and paste from ref 3. Information needs to be presented in your own words.
"the vocal supporters' movement for Indian club", a few issues with this sentence. I'm not sure what vocal is adding here and I'm not really sure a fan group can be described as a "movement" either. Also, add football with a link after Indian.
Link I-League.
They are the first > They were...
Might be worth using the full pyrotechnic show and providing a link for the uninitiated.
"Currently, they have around 25 chants and slogans", source? Also, words like currently should generally be avoided as they are prone to becoming outdated.
"In 2019-20 I-League season" > In the...
Also, year span ranges in seasons should use an endash.
"and broke the previous record of" > breaking the previous record of...
"which had also been set by the East Bengal Ultras" > which the group had also set.

Supported club

Link East Bengal to the club.
"lighting up the torches" > lighting torches...
This section seems to be another copy and paste, this time of ref 5.

Initial years: 2013–2016

The caption could do with more information, a year perhaps?
No need to link Bengaluru FC twice.
One or two phrases that are a bit journalistic, things like "created history" and "commanding display" are not very encyclopedic.

Pyro show

"Fans sang in their loudest voices", again comes across very promotional and journalistic.

Tifos

"The 2018–19 saw East Bengal FC", something missing here.
Kolkata Derby is already linked previously.
"The East Bengal Ultras won the fan battles", I can't see anything to imply that in the source?
"This tifo became an instant hit among the fans", again the source doesn't seem to support this.
"covered by BBC" > the BBC.
No need to link the club again here.
"FIFA world cup Qualifiers", capitalise World Cup. Add links for the World Cup, Bangladesh and the 2011 ICC World Cup.
"the first game of 2019-20 I-League campaign" >the 2019... Also the season range requires an endash.

Controversy

"when during the 2019-20 I-League first leg Kolkata Derby", endash for the season range and no need for the season or Derby link, both used previously.
Probably worth mentioning why the NRC was controversial amongst the fans.
"political groups making an issue of the situation", this sounds a bit like taking sides and needs to be more neutral.

Chants and slogans

"East Bengal Ultras has always" > have always...
"that echoed through the stands", too journalistic.
No need to link the side again and amend the Liverpool link to F.C., rather than FC.

References

Avoid shouting in ref titles, per WP:ALLCAPS.
Why is Where Hrisav Blogs a reliable source?
A few of the refs used here have authors available, make sure they are all properly attributed.
Refs 32 and 34 appear to be the same. Merge them and add publishing information.

I was hoping this was going through this time, but it's a quick fail again I'm afraid. The standard of writing has improved considerably since my first review in December, but there are still issues to iron out. These would have been workable in a review, however the use of material that is literally word for word the same as sources is a big issue. That's the main reason I'm failing this again, as there are at leaat two significant portions of the article that need rewriting entirely and a few other sentence clashes according to the copyvio detector. I would suggest that you rewrite these sections in your own words (and any others that may fall foul of this) and address the issues I've listed above here. Once these have been done, I would highly recommend you submit this at WP:GOCE or seek a copyedit from a user that can provide a good review of the article. This will help iron out the minor grammar issues that seem to be creeping in. At that point, the article is likely to be ready for another nomination, one which it should be able to pass. Kosack (talk) 06:37, 13 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]