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Talk:Dongan Charter/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 15:36, 2 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • "The charter is the oldest existing city charter in the United States and possibly in all the Western Hemisphere." That's not at all what the source says. Charters have been granted in England since medieval times, and even in the US this isn't the oldest existing charter. What the source says is that this is the oldest city charter still in force in the US, and "arguably the longest-running instrument of municipal government in the Western Hemisphere", which is broader than just speaking about charters.
  • The single paragraph lead is really too short to adequately summarise the article. About half of the article is about the commerative coin, which probably overbalances an article nominally about the charter, but that doesn't get even a single mention in the lead.
Provisions
  • "The charter turned the village of Albany into a city under the name of The Mayor, Aldermen, and Commonalty of the city of Albany". Why is the city's name in italics? no other city names are italicised.
  • " ... this legally separated it from Rensselaerswyck". Need to explain what Rensselaerswyck is without forcing the reader to follow a link; is it an adjoining village?
  • "Certain special rights were put into the charter as well, such as– the exclusive right to negotiate with the Native Americans ...". Strange punctuation in "such as– the exclusive right ...".
  • "... the establishment of Albany as the sole market town in the upper Hudson region, and permission to acquire tracts of land at Tionnderoge (Fort Hunter) and Schaghticoke." This is really too close to what the source says: "Albany was to be the sole market town in the upper Hudson region, and the city fathers were to acquire tracts of land at Tionnderoge (today Fort Hunter) and Schaghticoke".
History
  • "In July a delegation led by Pieter Schuyler and Robert Livingston traveled to New York to receive the charter for Albany". The cited source makes no mention of a trip to New York; it says simply that " the Albany charter was the result of the agency of and negotiations conducted with royal officials by Robert Livingston and Pieter Schuyler".
Amendments
  • "The Dongan Charter was first amended in 1787, and continued with only minor changes until 1870, and saw major changes by the state legislature in 1870 and 1883." What were these amendments, particularly the 1787 amendment, which isn't flagged as being minor like the others until 1870? The sentence also needs to be rewritten to avoid the clumsy "and, ... and".
  • "In 1998 the people of Albany adopted a revised charter that completely rewrote the Dongan Charter while technically keeping the charter in existence in theory by being an amendment." This seems to be saying the same thing in two different ways: "technically" and "in theory". Is it just a theory, and not a fact that the charter remained in existence after 1998? Also, the charter didn't rewrite itself.
Commemorative coin
  • "... this led to few of the coins ever being sold". If 7,342 were returned surely that means that over 17,000 of the 25,000 minted were sold, which is hardly a few.
  • "The booklet came in an envelope, both of which are highly collectible today". "Both of which" here is referring back to the envelope; this sentence needs to be rewritten to make it clear that it's the envelope and the booklet that are highly collectible in a grammatically correct way.
  • "Even scarcer today are boxes designed to hold single coins and inscribed with The National Commercial Bank and Trust Company of Albany." Why is the name of the company in italics?
References
  • Is the publication date of 1896 given for Proceedings of the Third National Conference for Good City Government and of the Second Annual Meeting of the National Municipal League correct? The link provided suggests that it was published in 1897.
Concerns

This article has now been listed as a GA. Malleus Fatuorum 17:48, 8 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.