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Talk:Detention of Juan Requesens/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: MX (talk · contribs) 17:49, 30 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Review

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Will review. Stay tuned! MX (✉ • ✎) 17:49, 30 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Lead paragraph and more

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  • I like the lead paragraph because it summarizes the major points of the entire article. But why are there sources clogging it? Per WP:LEADCITE, sources don't need to be in the lead if the info is already cited elsewhere. I think it will read much cleaner that way, so please consider cleaning it up.
  • per LEADCITE, with this article there's a balance of 'info is cited in the article' and 'but it's contentious enough that a source in the lead is beneficial'. I can only really see the Helicoide part not being so controversial, but it was kept secret so long that the source can also be seen as having more value than in other cases. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • In addition to above, how do you feel about adding an infobox? Perhaps an "event" infobox would be useful. Up to you.

Drone attack

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  • Requesens had been a student leader of the 2014 Venezuelan protests – has been → was; then change "of the" → "in the", if you think it's appropriate.
  •  Done - and changed to 'during'
  • I'm a bit worried of this section being a WP:QUOTEFARM, especially the last paragraph. I like Requesens' quote since that is the subject matter here, but the observers could probably be paraphrased. Now, instead of giving undue weight to certain observers (i.e. "BBC said this", or "Observer X said this"), you can just paraphrase what observers say in general about the drone attack and leave readers with the option to consult the sources if they want to.

Arrest

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  • The government charged that the arrest was – charged → said; I would also say "was made in flagrante..."
  •  Done
Prison videos
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  • Very good section overall. Gave me chills reading it.
  • Rayder Alexander Russo Marquez – Should be Márquez per Spanish language rules.
Video controversy
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  • Saab denies this, saying that the video is a recording – Who is Saab? He's not introduced before.
  • Members of the Justice First party, of which Requesens is a leader – is → was
  • Politics in Venezuela kind of works where being arrested doesn't stop you from being important in a party, with figures like Leopoldo López being a notable example. Though it is probably contentious to say if he is or was a leader either way - changed to just say it's his party. Kingsif (talk) 19:24, 5 October 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Hearings
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  • Great (and crazy) section...
Prison conditions and health
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  • but also the doctored effect compared to the videos released prior. – doctored effect of the videos? A bit unclear, so consider rephrasing.
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  • would be great international consequences of Requesens' "disappearance" – great → major
  • Requesens' lawyers went to Helicoide and asked to see him but were refused, as were his family. – "Requensens' lawyers and family went to El Helicoide and asked to see him, but were denied permission."
  • Question: is it El Helicoide or just Helicoide? What's used more often?

Responses

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National Assembly
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  • and was sent to the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights. – already linked before, so remove link per WP:OVERLINK. Consider its official abbreviation instead.
Maduro adminisration
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  • Diosdado Cabello denied that Requesens was abused at El Helicoide. – WP:OVERLINK per previous mentions
  • member Hermann Escarrá addressed that body on 13 August – "That body" sounds a bit awkward. I would rephrase to "addressed the assembly"
  • were no human rights violations with Requesens' detention – ... conducted in Requesens' detention
  • she tweeted that people shouldn't speculate or doubt, – shouldn't → Should not
  • especially by the woman in charge of his conditions in prison – ... especially since she was in charge of his ...
  • Images of Requesens during his incarceration were used by the Venezuelan government in an October 2018 presentation to the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights to demonstrate that political prisoners were treated well; this action was met with scorn and controversy. – Wasn't this already mentioned previously? Consider merging it all in one place instead of having two separate mentions of the same event.
Other Venezuelan reactions
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  • Juntos por la Libertad ("Youths for Freedom"), Sin Mordaza, and Las Piloneras. – Would it make sense to add the translation for the other two?
  • several hundred miles from Caracas on the eastern edge of the country – I think this sentence should be rephrased, since we usually avoid miles / kilometers in the prose unless we have an exact distance that can be used to convert both.
International
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  • The case of Juan Requesens is the latest in a long litany ..." – I would remove this part of the quote since another guy said almost the exact same thing just earlier
  • and denounced that this had happened to someone who won the Sakharov Prize. – So someone else and not Requesens, right? It's a bit unclear, so if you can add the name of the person that would help.
  • The Lima Group and its nations stated that they "strongly condemn and reject the violation of due criminal process and international norms in matters of law enforcement and respect for human rights, in the arbitrary and illegal detention without any previous investigation of National Assembly representative, Juan Carlos Requesens", saying that it was an "open violation of their parliamentary privileges and immunities enshrined in the Constitution of the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela (Article 200), as well as the American Convention on Human Rights, the American Declaration of the Rights and Duties of Man, and the Charter of the Organization of American States, among other applicable international instruments" and expressing "deep concern on the use of the Venezuelan State security and justice apparatus to persecute political opponents, which indicates, once more, the breakdown of democratic rule and the continued violation of its Constitution, contrary to the will of the Venezuelan people". – Too long of quotefarm here. Please paraphrase.

"Yo me niego a rendirme"

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  • After the death of Fernando Albán, another Justice First politician who was illegally arrested and who died in SEBIN custody in October 2018, protesters marched with signs bearing the slogan. – WP:OVERLINK; also, we already know who Albán is, so consider trimming the description or adding it for the first mention of him earlier in the section. Just keep the fact that protesters marched with signs bearing the slogan.

References

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  • Ref #47: [unreliable source?]Morales P., Maru (23 January 2018). "Guaidó se juramentó en Cabildo Abierto como presidente encargado". Crónica Uno. Archived from the original on 7 February 2019. Retrieved 24 January 2019. – It has an unreliable source tag. Can you replace this or explain if this is reliable?

Response

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