Talk:Cosme Pacheco

Partial sentence in Biography section

The para recounting Pacheco's part in the Battle of Junin has a sentence that is only a fragment, and by itself does not make sense:

Initially infringed by the Spanish, who were starting to celebrate.

Attempting to understand what this is trying to express, I looked at the source which says (in my amateurish translation!):

The independence side had already been overwhelmed: Despite their courage and decisiveness, they had not been able to resist the terrible onslaught of the royalist's cavalry. The royalists, sure of their triumph, began to sing their song of victory, when two enemy squadrons that were in the rear, under Lieutenant Suarez, threw themselves on the ascendant cavalry, who were now in great disorder; in the melee, victors and defeated exchanged places.

When they [independents] reunited with the mass of their forces - who had kept perfect formation - they fell again on the scattered royalists, hacking them horribly, forced them to retreat quickly and took the battlefield from them. [Note: "independents" is my interpolation]

In line with that, may I suggest an alternative form of words to express that part of the narrative?

Initially overwhelming the independents, the Spanish began to celebrate what seemed their inevitable victory.

Then, following on from that:

Seizing their moment, Lieutenant Pacheco with his squad, under the overall command of Colonel Isidoro Suarez, charged the exposed left flank of the Spanish Cavalry as they were pursuing the bulk of the cavalry of the Liberating Army of the Andes. The assault of the First Squad was directed by a false order of attack against the enemy's cavalry, purportedly given by Simón Bolivar ...

As it stands, it is not easy for readers unfamiliar with the subject to follow. And that sentence fragment beginning, "Initially infringed" is not correct, so has to be altered in some way. JFPR19, or any other Editor, you may wish to ask other users to comment too, or ask them to change the wording, if you like. I'm sure others could suggest better alternatives than I have. Thank you. 49.177.73.238 (talk) 07:41, 14 June 2021 (UTC)

Completely agree with you 49.177.73.238, the sentence is difficult to understand, in Spanish, from where all texts in this wiki come from, makes more sense. I have followed your advice and changed the sentence to:

In the Battle of Junin, it is the First Squad that triggers the reversal from the likelihood of imminent defeat. Initially overwhelming the independents, the Spanish began to celebrate what seemed their inevitable victory.

I have removed the clarification needed template, hoping tha this new sentence makes more sense to readers, but feel free to keep the discussion open and/or find a better option if required. Thanks, JFPR19 (talk · contribs) 01:33, 15 June 2021 (UTC)

Nice to "meet" you, JFPR19! Thanks for taking on board my suggestion. No need for the "clarify" tag now, glad you removed it. Also wanted to say, you made a much better job of the image caption than I did with your recent change. My attempt was clumsy, but I could not work out how to say it concisely. Your way is very clear, much better. Glad you could see what I was trying to do, and thanks for fixing it.

By the way, I admire all the work you have put into the article, both here, and in writing it originally on es:wikipedia. Best, 49.177.73.238 (talk) 08:04, 16 June 2021 (UTC)

Nice to e-meet you too 49.177.73.238 (talk) and the thanks are to you for all your input and the time you have invested in helping out to make the article much better than it originally was. Hope to keep crossing our paths in this or other wikis. Thanks again, JFPR19 (talk · contribs) 04:01, 21 June 2021 (UTC)